Hello, folks. Been lurking around here for a short while and see that y'all have some good advice to offer.
If y'all don't mind, I'd like some feedback on a POF profile I whipped up recently. I'm new to the online dating scene and just joined up on POF for the first time barely a month ago - it was late at night, so I brain-farted a skeleton profile out in like 30 minutes with a crappy little placeholder profile. Been making adjustments and tweaks to it here and there, and while I don't think it's necessarily THAT good, it's clearly better than the tripe it was before. Here it is in its current iteration (it's obvious from my profile that I live in Atlanta, so there are a few local references in it) - my asides are in red and aren't actually in the profile itself; comments and critiques (both what's good and what's bad about it - e.g. too many parentheticals/asides?) are welcome:
Header: Perpetually recovering from the weekend. Once you see the profile, you'll see where I was going with this
Since you're reading this, I've clearly passed the picture test. I blatantly stole this from somewhere on this forum - like I said before, y'all have some good stuff on here.
I'm a relatively recent UGA grad working my first real job (cubicle jockey) out of school. It's an exotic position that involves taming the wild world of paper pushers, closet alcoholics, and mild neurotics - needless to say, I've morphed into all three since starting.
Working in an office can get repetitive after a while, so I try to shake up the office monotony by destroying my liver with copious amounts of alcohol (already on that waiting list for a new one, so it's all good) on weekends and various holidays (which is really just another word for "any excuse my equally alcoholic friends use to get me to drink with 'em). I've probably gone out at least one night every weekend since I moved into my moderately priced Buckhead apartment eight months ago. I'm on a first-name basis with the bartenders and bouncers at the Buckhead-area bars I frequent. They call me "The Bacon Man" at the Waffle House next to The Ivy. All this may have sent my credit score to "even Countrywide wouldn't lend to your broke ass" levels (yeah, you won't find an econ reference in any other profiles - I may be a drunk, but I know my shiat). It's given my friends some hilarous stories over the months - worth it.
Where did this healthy lifestyle come from, you might ask? From having gone to a party school in Athens, GA, for college, you get a couple habits that stay with you - my being awesome is no exception. Oh, and from getting a desk job in real estate - the paper-pushing industry is pretty rife with alcoholics. At this point, I'm afraid that I've been talking about the drinking/partying too much and not much else. While I think this crap is kinda funny, I'm not sure if it's really serving the purpose of a dating profile - i.e. build attraction. Thoughts? Does it need to be dialed back?
Now, some "doctor" with some fancy psychiatry degree might say that I am an emotionally unstable, alcoholic trainwreck waiting to happen, but what Freud doesn't know is that I'm more than a one-dimensional person with a "self-destructive" lifestyle. I taught taekwondo during high school and college with the American Taekwondo Association and still take classes to stay in shape - I've quite literally "kicked ass and taken names." I really enjoyed being an instructor, and it's probably something that I'll stick with in one form or another for the rest of my life. The majority of our students were under 12 years old - as corny as it sounds, it felt pretty cool to hear a shy 8-year-old speak up loudly for the first time with confidence because you helped motivate her (being able to back up the "I'm a black belt" line doesn't hurt, either).
If there's one word that DOESN'T describe me, it's "boring," and all of my friends would echo that. I'm usually a pretty quick draw with a d*ck joke or a well-timed "that's what she said" (I know - I'm super-original) or some stupid-yet-funny one-liner.
Exhibit A: What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Exhibit B: What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chops. These I did NOT find on this forum, but feel free to steal 'em.
Unfortunately, my repertoire doesn't extend much outside barnyard-related jokes, so I've been taking improv and stand-up classes. Somehow haven't been booed off stage yet - I doubt that lasts much longer.
...I just noticed how astonishingly longwinded this description has become. If you think you can handle this much awesomeness, hit me up.