Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    RicoSuaveInTraining is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 132, Level: 2
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    31 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    13
    Points
    132
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Yet another POF profile critique

    Hello, folks. Been lurking around here for a short while and see that y'all have some good advice to offer.

    If y'all don't mind, I'd like some feedback on a POF profile I whipped up recently. I'm new to the online dating scene and just joined up on POF for the first time barely a month ago - it was late at night, so I brain-farted a skeleton profile out in like 30 minutes with a crappy little placeholder profile. Been making adjustments and tweaks to it here and there, and while I don't think it's necessarily THAT good, it's clearly better than the tripe it was before. Here it is in its current iteration (it's obvious from my profile that I live in Atlanta, so there are a few local references in it) - my asides are in red and aren't actually in the profile itself; comments and critiques (both what's good and what's bad about it - e.g. too many parentheticals/asides?) are welcome:

    Header: Perpetually recovering from the weekend. Once you see the profile, you'll see where I was going with this


    Since you're reading this, I've clearly passed the picture test. I blatantly stole this from somewhere on this forum - like I said before, y'all have some good stuff on here.

    I'm a relatively recent UGA grad working my first real job (cubicle jockey) out of school. It's an exotic position that involves taming the wild world of paper pushers, closet alcoholics, and mild neurotics - needless to say, I've morphed into all three since starting.
    Working in an office can get repetitive after a while, so I try to shake up the office monotony by destroying my liver with copious amounts of alcohol (already on that waiting list for a new one, so it's all good) on weekends and various holidays (which is really just another word for "any excuse my equally alcoholic friends use to get me to drink with 'em). I've probably gone out at least one night every weekend since I moved into my moderately priced Buckhead apartment eight months ago. I'm on a first-name basis with the bartenders and bouncers at the Buckhead-area bars I frequent. They call me "The Bacon Man" at the Waffle House next to The Ivy. All this may have sent my credit score to "even Countrywide wouldn't lend to your broke ass" levels (yeah, you won't find an econ reference in any other profiles - I may be a drunk, but I know my shiat). It's given my friends some hilarous stories over the months - worth it.

    Where did this healthy lifestyle come from, you might ask? From having gone to a party school in Athens, GA, for college, you get a couple habits that stay with you - my being awesome is no exception. Oh, and from getting a desk job in real estate - the paper-pushing industry is pretty rife with alcoholics. At this point, I'm afraid that I've been talking about the drinking/partying too much and not much else. While I think this crap is kinda funny, I'm not sure if it's really serving the purpose of a dating profile - i.e. build attraction. Thoughts? Does it need to be dialed back?

    Now, some "doctor" with some fancy psychiatry degree might say that I am an emotionally unstable, alcoholic trainwreck waiting to happen, but what Freud doesn't know is that I'm more than a one-dimensional person with a "self-destructive" lifestyle. I taught taekwondo during high school and college with the American Taekwondo Association and still take classes to stay in shape - I've quite literally "kicked ass and taken names." I really enjoyed being an instructor, and it's probably something that I'll stick with in one form or another for the rest of my life. The majority of our students were under 12 years old - as corny as it sounds, it felt pretty cool to hear a shy 8-year-old speak up loudly for the first time with confidence because you helped motivate her (being able to back up the "I'm a black belt" line doesn't hurt, either).

    If there's one word that DOESN'T describe me, it's "boring," and all of my friends would echo that. I'm usually a pretty quick draw with a d*ck joke or a well-timed "that's what she said" (I know - I'm super-original) or some stupid-yet-funny one-liner.

    Exhibit A: What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
    Exhibit B: What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chops. These I did NOT find on this forum, but feel free to steal 'em.

    Unfortunately, my repertoire doesn't extend much outside barnyard-related jokes, so I've been taking improv and stand-up classes. Somehow haven't been booed off stage yet - I doubt that lasts much longer.

    ...I just noticed how astonishingly longwinded this description has become. If you think you can handle this much awesomeness, hit me up.

  2. #2
    monoposto is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 576, Level: 11
    Level completed: 52%, Points required for next Level: 24
    Overall activity: 12.9%
    Achievements:
    500 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Posts
    106
    Points
    576
    Level
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    33

    Default Re: Yet another POF profile critique

    Sure, ill bite.

    "At this point, I'm afraid that I've been talking about the drinking/partying too much and not much else. While I think this crap is kinda funny, I'm not sure if it's really serving the purpose of a dating profile - i.e. build attraction. Thoughts? Does it need to be dialed back?"

    You're right on with this. Your first paragraph starts off funny but you just go into this monotonous drivel about how you drink too much and just sit in a cubicle.
    Instead talk about things you like to do for fun. Or make something up like raising baby rhino's, while your robot builds you a space ship. Not everything has to be 100% true as long as it can come across as funny/jokingly.

    Also add in things that you HAVE going for you. For example you are the top seller in your office, or something you are passionate about, or if you play a musical instrument say so. Chicks love a guy that can play music.

    EDIT: Okay, I didn't read your second paragraph, but talking about tae kwon do is helpful. Just get rid of the first part about freud and being dysfunctional.

  3. #3
    RicoSuaveInTraining is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 132, Level: 2
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    31 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    13
    Points
    132
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Yet another POF profile critique

    Yeah, I suspected as much. Thanks for the tips, monoposto. Took your advice and put a little extra thought into it (at a better time of night, too - I'm not dead tired while working on this for once).

    Here it is after updates - again, comments welcome:

    Since you're reading this, I've clearly passed the picture test.

    I'm a relatively recent UGA grad working my first real job (cubicle jockey) out of school. It's an exotic position that involves taming the wild world of paper pushers, closet alcoholics, and mild neurotics - needless to say, I've morphed into all three since starting.

    The daily grind gets repetitive after a while, so I shake up the office monotony by tearing up the boroughs of ATL on weekends and various holidays (a word that really means, "any excuse my acoholic friends use to shame me into drinking").

    Moved into Buckhead last June and have already made a name for myself (they call me "The Bacon Man" at the Waffle House next to The Ivy). Since then, I've given my friends a cornucopia of funny stories at quite literally my expense; haven't checked yet, but my credit score's probably around "even Countrywide wouldn't lend to your broke ass" levels (yeah, you won't find an econ reference in any other profiles - I may be a drunk, but I know my shiat).

    Not that I'm a one-dimensional bar rat.... I taught taekwondo during high school and college with the American Taekwondo Association and still take classes to stay in shape - I've quite literally "kicked ass and taken names." I really enjoyed being an instructor, and I'll certainly stick with it in one form or another for the rest of my life. The majority of our students I helped teach were under 12 years old; as corny as it sounds, it felt pretty cool to hear a shy 8-year-old speak up loudly for the first time with confidence because I helped motivate her (being able to back up the "I'm a black belt" line doesn't hurt, either).

    I'm on the David Letterman Top-10 "List of Funniest People You Know" for all of my friends - I'm usually a pretty quick draw with a stupid-funny one-liner or a well-timed "that's what she said" (did I mention I'm super-original, too?).

    Exhibit A: What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
    Exhibit B: What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chops.

    Unfortunately, my repertoire doesn't extend much outside barnyard-related jokes, so I've been taking improv and stand-up classes in addition to nightly Chippendales dancing classes (my manly mane of chest hair is quite the crowd pleaser - unlike those pretty boys who shave their chests every damn day since they think a man's body is supposed to look like a prepubescent 13-year-old's).

    So - if you're looking for a hard-partying, hilarious taekwondo instructor-turned-paper-pusher with a man's body and a bad habit of being awesome who's making a foray into stage performance... you have amazingly specific tastes - be glad you don't have to look any further since you finally found me!

  4. #4
    LEX101 is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 53, Level: 1
    Level completed: 6%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 6.3%
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    2
    Points
    53
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Yet another POF profile critique

    Did your amendments get you any positive results?

  5. #5
    RicoSuaveInTraining is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 132, Level: 2
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    31 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    13
    Points
    132
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Yet another POF profile critique

    A few messages here and there, though I've admittedly been neglecting the online dating scene for the past week or so (friggin' job... anyone work for the Fed and have a spare money-printing machine laying around?).

    Still open to thoughts, of course. It's still not exactly where I want it since it doesn't really generate any sexual Tension as it is, so I'll post changes/results.

  6. #6
    ridemyr1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 1,096, Level: 18
    Level completed: 96%, Points required for next Level: 4
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    JVegas, NC
    Posts
    165
    Points
    1,096
    Level
    18
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    58

    Default Re: Yet another POF profile critique

    My personal ipinion dude, and you can take it for what it is. It's wayyyyyyyy too long.

    I personally think you have to be a freaking stud, and I mean a stud to write a huge profile and for them to actually sit there and read it. You will even catch in some girls profiles where they comment on this, or scan through tve pof forum and you will see them complaining about huge profiles.

    Reality is this. You have but seconds to catch their eye. This is where the header and main picture play their role which is why they are very important. From there its the rest lf your pics and finally your profile. If a woman has to dedicate a considerable amount of time reading it knowing she still has say 100 other profiles to scan trough; your profile would have to be no shit on point which is very hard.

    Trust me on this, you will do a whole lot more, with less. Your call bro. Just throwing my two pennies here and there.
    To my bros who served with me.
    "When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

  7. #7
    ridemyr1 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 1,096, Level: 18
    Level completed: 96%, Points required for next Level: 4
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered1000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    JVegas, NC
    Posts
    165
    Points
    1,096
    Level
    18
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    58

    Default Re: Yet another POF profile critique

    Oh and don't talk about yourself in a negative way, not even a slight jokish way. To us funny yeah, to women this could send out potential low self steem vibes.

    Cheetos!
    To my bros who served with me.
    "When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

  8. #8
    RicoSuaveInTraining is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 132, Level: 2
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    31 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    13
    Points
    132
    Level
    2
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Yet another POF profile critique

    New update - a few subtle changes that I think do a much better job at dhv:

    Since you're reading this, I've clearly passed the picture test.

    I'm a UGA grad working my first real job out of school. It's an exotic position that involves taming the wild world of paper pushers, closet alcoholics, and mild neurotics - yeah, I'm quickly making that place my b*tch.

    Moved into Buckhead last June and have already made a name for myself around town - literally: they call me "The Bacon Man" at the Waffle House next to The Ivy. I've cured the Hangovers, survived the shootout at Buckhead Saloon (see what I did there?), caught the Big Ketch and found the Lost Dog - the Buckhead Triangle has been conquered. Oh, and you get bonus points if you get the bar references. Obviously, these are all Buckhead-area bars that any chick who goes out would have at least heard about.

    Not that I'm a one-dimensional bar rat.... I taught taekwondo during high school and college with the American Taekwondo Association and still take classes to stay in shape - I've quite literally "kicked ass and taken names."

    I'm on David Letterman's Top-10 "List of Funniest People You Know" for all of my friends as a pretty quick draw with a stupid-funny one-liner or a well-timed "that's what she said" (did I mention I'm super-original, too?).

    Exhibit A: What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
    Exhibit B: What do you call a pig that knows karate? Pork chops.

    Unfortunately, my repertoire doesn't extend much outside barnyard-related jokes, so I've been taking improv and stand-up classes in addition to nightly Chippendales dancing classes (it's true - everybody's workin' for the weekend).

    Give me a shout-out if you're a blonde. If not - message me anyway; (like MLK, I don't discriminate)!

    Don't message me if you're an escort, a Stripper, or a Taurus - some things just aren't meant to be....


    Also have this under First Date:

    Meet out for a drink (somewhere in public in case you're crazy so I can escape), then I would do all the things to you that the last guy was too much of a wuss to do to you (might involve bacon, booze, and butter somehow).


Similar Threads

  1. Profile critique please!
    By archard in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 11-28-2012, 03:47 PM
  2. Can Use A POF Profile Critique
    By Vegas in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 11-27-2012, 05:23 AM
  3. Critique my POF Profile!
    By TheManSohan in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 08-21-2012, 09:18 AM
  4. Profile help and critique
    By Scarpa in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 08-05-2012, 10:58 PM
  5. Critique my OKC Profile!
    By NTBCupid in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 5
    Last Thread: 06-27-2012, 10:31 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com