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  1. #1
    Talon_TSi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Hello, new member here looking for some advice on a very confusing situation with a girl that I really like. I'm not even sure if I'm posting this in the right place. It is rather lengthy so I apologize.

    I met this girl I'll call her Shana here, through my sister-in-law on a double date back in the beginning of February. I can only assume the date went pretty well, Shana said she had fun, and even asked me if I wanted her number without me even getting the chance to ask her for it, she just up and asked no hesitation.

    We had a date set up for next Friday but we cancelled out due to bad weather, and she got out of work late on Saturday so instead we hung out at my brothers house with a group of friends that night. We didn't officially go out on our first date by ourselves till the following week which was suppose to be the day before Valentines Day, but she ended up canceling out on the date due to some reasons revolving around her father. Seeing how it was Valentines Day and how we pretty much just met, I didn't know whether or not I should get her anything. I thought if I didn't get her anything it would look bad, and everyone I talked to about it agreed. My sister-in-law even said you can't go wrong with giving a girl roses. So I got her some roses that I had dyed blue since I knew it was favorite color.

    On Valentines Day I sent Shana a text asking her to let me know when she gets break. She responded with "I'm on break right now, but only for a few more minutes. Haha I should be home around 8ish." I said, "Sounds great, I'll see around 8:30!" She sent back "So did you wanna go do something, or is it to late for Mr. Billionaire since you have to work in the morning lol." She asked me if I wanted to do something, all I wanted to do was give her the roses I got her, so I thought that was definitely a positive. But that was really the only time we actually went out on a date by ourselves, other than that we hung out at my brothers house again that weekend, we did have another one set up but I ended up changing it up a little and it wasn't by ourselves anymore.

    Now I should say in between all this I did text Shana back and forth when we were apart. Looking back it now I really wish I had gone with my gut instinct and texted her less. And for some reason even though I knew that I should have my opening texts be fun and standout from everyone else but every time I would think of something to me it always sounded like I was trying to hard when I read it back to myself, so I would resort back to the boringness of "Hey hows your day going", I know I'm an idiot. I wish I didn't text her pretty much every day neither, I've tried the every other day or every two days approach in the past and its never worked for me neither. But Shana would always text me back, sometimes it would take her awhile but most of the time she came back. She also would use exclamation points and emoticons in her texts alot too. Past experience with some girls I would be lucky if I even got them to send me more than 2 texts back and never used emoticons, and that was with using the every two days approach, so I don't know what to think here. I'd love to call her but I tried once, and she didn't pick it up. She told me she hates being on the phone and would rather text.

    Anyway, sometime in between Valentines Day and the last time we went out, one of Shana's friends told me that Shana only saw me as a friend. Naturally, I was upset by this, nobody ever wants to hear this. Of course I talked to my sister-in-law about it and she said that it doesn't make any sense because the night before the Wednesday we were suppose to have our date she was excited about it and she was telling co-workers about it. I didn't know what to believe as I hadn't heard it from Shana yet, and I wanted to hear it from herself. But I always didn't want our upcoming date to be awkward with that running around in my head so I reconfigured the date into a double date with my brother and sister-in-law. That Saturday came, and every thing seemed to be going fine, I had what I was told by Shana's friend nagging me the whole night so I guess some times I might have appeared distant. So I decided bring the subject up while I took her home at the end of the night, now I kinda wish I didn't, in fact I wish I never heard it at all. I brought it up, I told her how I felt about her and that I just wanted her to be honest with me about it cause I didn't wanna be invest my emotions into this if I was only going to be strung along for nothing. I told her that even if she only saw me as a friend that I didn't wanna lose her. Shana told me that she understood and knew where I was coming from, and that she did say those things but her friends is also misinterpreting what she said. I walked to her front door, hugged her tight, and she went in for the kiss. I was so confused.

    The next day I asked her if she wanted to hang out a bit before she went to work but she said "I caaan't, I'm doing stuff with my parents ". To which I replied, "Hey there's nothing wrong with that! Let me pick you up for work." I didn't get a text back from her till around 3am on Monday, she said "Hey sorry I never got back to you, one of my friends passed away. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you." I of course pretty much told her that I was here for her if she wanted to talk about it. I reached out, but she didn't grab. So later that day I asked her about her friend and she told me what happened. Later that day my sister-in-law also asked me if I had talked to Shana, and I told her what happened. Now I don't know why maybe for some reason she didn't believe her, so she decided to play detective and pull one of Shana's friends over that also works with them about. He said he knew nothing about it, but he'd ask. I honestly think this might have been a big factor on why things just started falling apart. If I had known my sister-in-law was going to do that I wouldn't have told her anything. But Shana ended-up hearing about it from that kid my sister-in-law asked. I told Shana what happended, and she said it was cool.

    After that she wasn't really replying to my texts anymore, and later towards the end of the week I asked her if she wanted to go this concert with me, to which she declined. The night before the concert, Shana's friend told me again that she talked to her again, and that Shana still says that she only sees me as a friend, and she feels stuck cause she doesn't wanna make me mad. I just didn't understand why Shana tell her friend one thing and tell me another, it didn't make sense. I didn't text Shana at all two nights before the concert, she hadn't really been responding to my texts and she rejected my invitation to a concert, so I thought to myself that what Shana's friend say must be true.

    The day after the concert I decided to stop by where Shana works just to see how she would act. I went up to her and she was all smiles, she even asked me about how the concert went, so I asked her what she's been up to because we hadn't talked for a few days, and she said "I know, you've been ignoring me." I said I wasn't ignoring her I've just been busy, and she said "sure..." I asked her if she wanted to get together for dinner with after work, and she said "I don't know what I'm doing, where do you wanna go?" I said "I hadn't figured it out yet, but I'll text you.", and I left. I waited about a half hour to text her after she got out of work. As I said before, my text game sucks:

    Me: "So do you have anything going on tonight or may I take you out?"
    Shana (2hrs later): "I fell asleep -_-"
    Me: "O_o Oh ok, I was afraid they had you working til 10... Unless you're ignoring me lol"
    Shana: "Nah lol I fell asleep withing five minutes of getting home. I work at 8 tomorrow morning ugghh"
    Me: "That sucks, what time do you get off?"
    Shana: "4:30"
    Me: "Thats not to bad. Lets do something after you get off"

    And I didn't get anything back from her after that. I probably shouldn't have let it get to me, but I felt like I was being ignored, I bring up meeting up, and she doesn't come back. So the next day, I sent her out this text that I now wish I had not.

    Me: "So who's ignoring who exactly ? We chatted last night until I brought up going out after you get off of work, and then I got nothing back. I think I'm being ignored. Did I do something to offend you? Cause as far as I can tell I've been the perfect gentlemen. The last time we went out, I asked you to be honest with me and I told you that I'd rather be friends than lose you. If you care about me as a friend, message me back."

    Shana: "I forgot to text you back, I wasn't trying to ignore you. Work and school alone take up a lot of my time, I don't have much time for other stuff lately."

    Me: "I understand that you're busy with school and work, trust me I know cause when I was in school a lot of time myself. Shana the last thing I wanna see is you failing a class or you getting in trouble at work. All I'm asking is for you to just let me know whats going on. If you can't go out I understand, we'll make plans for another time its no big deal. But when you leave me hang, I don't know whats going on. I hope you're not mad at me."

    I didn't get anything back from her after that, I tried texting her the next day and she didn't text me back either. Looking back it now, it probably wasn't a good idea to send out that text and I hate myself for it. So I left her alone that week, I figured if she texts sometime during the week great if not I'm no worse off. I thought if anything I'll text her on her birthday on the weekend, and I did.

    Me: "Happy Birthday old person! Now where the hell is my cake! lol"
    Shana: "Haha thank youu"
    And I didn't text her back, I wanted to but I convinced myself to just let it rest for now.

    And that brings us to where we are now. 3 weeks have gone by and I didn't start talking to Shana again til this past Thursday, when I stopped in at the grocery store she works at on the way home from my brothers. She said "Hi", and I asked her how she was doing since she kinda I hadn't seen or talked to her in weeks. She said, "I don't get invited out anymore cause apparently I'm a bitch". I asked her who said that and she told me that someone said my brother had called her it. She also mentioned that she replied back to my text on her birthday but that I also never texted her back. I didn't know how to respond to that one about the text, all I could come up with was that I didn't know if she had plans or not and I just didn't wanna bother her. She jokingly said I was making excuses. So I left her to buy a few things and went back to her before I left and asked her if she wanted to go out with me Saturday night, and she said "It depends what you're doing." I laughed and said "What does that mean?", she jokingly said "Well if you're going to Chuck E. Cheese then I'm out." I laughed and said, "Nah, I was thinking Kids Castle. But seriously have you raced at the local go kart track?", she said, "No, but I've always wanted to. I probably get off to late for that though. "I said "I'll look at what time and they close and I let you know." It was a little awkward, but I couldn't really tell if she was annoyed that I was there or if she was nervous. But she was joking around with me, but I'm not sure.

    So Saturday morning, I sent her this text:
    Me: "Whats up homeslice? I hear them go karts revving up at the track! Winner takes the pink slips to the losers car. That Mazda will look pretty good in my drive way haha. Unless you're afraid you'll lose... O_O"

    Shana: "Haha I probably will since I haven't been on one since I was like 10."

    Me: "Well that's a negative attitude, you're supposed to have confidence that you'll win, it'll be like riding a bike haha. Their site says they close at 11, you get out at 8, we can always set that up for another day and do something else. I think I owe you a birthday."

    Shana: "Haha you don't owe me anything!"

    Me: "Haha ok. Other than the track there really isn't anything to do around here. Lets just go catch a movie and grab a bite on the way."

    Shana: "Maybee. idk if I'll be able to stay awake I'm literally drained and I haven't even started work yet."

    Me: "I can understand that. You did look pretty tired the other night. If you feel up to it let me know, either way text me. But if not how are you looking for tomorrow?"

    Shana (after work): "Yeah I'm still exhausted. -_- Tomorrow I work till 10."

    Me: "Red Bull, it gives you wings lol. that sucks I really wanted to do something with you. Wanna do something this coming week? (I realize I probably should've just dropped it, but I'm an idiot).

    Shana (3hrs later): "I could've sworn I texted you back but I guess not. We'll see though, I go back to school this week and I have two days off work but I already have plans for one of those days."

    Me: "Ok, let me know!"

    I'm not sure how to take this. I realize that I probably asked more than what I should have. But to me she kinda sounds like she's making excuses. I skipped talking to her on Sunday, and I texted her on Monday this message:

    Me:

    "Dear Shana,

    After doing an extensive amount of studies on your symptoms of exhaustion, I've come to proper diagnosis. It would appear you have a severe case of TAS.

    It is very important that you contact me ASAP, so we can discuss the different treatments available.

    Sincerely,
    Dr. *My Name of course*.

    Shana: "Haha whattt?"

    Me: "I'm no House, but to us doc's TAS is known as Tired Ass Syndrome. But don't worry we can treat it. I'll need you for a whole day so we can feed you specific foods for your condition. Then we get on a track, race a car really fast and the adrenaline rush will take it right out of your body. You will never feel tired again. Up for it?"

    She didn't respond to that one though. Its obviously meant to be a joke, and I'm not real doctor my initials are D.R. though. Do you guys think she got offended by it or did she forget to text me back or did she just ignore it?

    I haven't texted since Monday. I know she going for her license tomorrow and I'm thinking of sending her a text based around that, but I don't know if I should.

  2. #2
    Thatoneguyonforums's Avatar
    Thatoneguyonforums is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Ooook it is almost 5 am and I'm still a little tipsy but I'll give this one a shot.

    There's a few problems I noticed I will bring them all up individually but to group them together as one it boils down to acting too needy. Nothing against you, it happens to everyone at some point.

    1. Never spill your guts and feelings to a girl, it's bad for you. no matter how much you want to say it keep it to yourself.

    2. Don't do detective work, She will find out.

    3. Those last text messages where you more or less confronted her about something that may or may not be true was probably where you reached the point of no return. Don't do that sort of thing, It's almost like you were accusing her of something.

    In the end you invested yourself to much in her and became attached, and she picked up on it and you made it to obvious. you basically smothered a girl you barely knew, which is never good. My advice for this situation and those to come is to not get invested. Don't act like you care so much about what happens, just be cool, and never freak out on a girl you are barely dating. For your current situation I'd say it may be too far gone, the best thing you can do is stop contact all together and hope she contacts you. If you keep texting her over and over it will just push her further away, give her some space and maybe she'll come back. Good luck.
    "Act like you're interested, not like you care."

  3. #3
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    lilsting is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    The guy above me pretty much covered all the points, but your biggest problem was indeed getting way to attached. I would say there is nothing wrong with confessing your feelings, but you did it wayyyy to early. At the minimum, I would say at least 2-3 good dates need to happen before you confess anything major.

    Your course of action should be to just try and get over her. The ideal situation would be to get over her mentally, but just use her as practice to build up your game. Stop texting her for awhile because let's be honest, you barely know her, but said to much stuff to her that you really shouldn't be knowing. So step 1, wait at least 2 weeks from today to text her then I'll help you from there. Sounds hard and like a terrible idea right? Wrong. It is crucial right now to make it seem like you've moved on past her. In the meantime, start talking to other games.

  4. #4
    Talon_TSi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Yeah, I always tend to get to attached way to fast. Its something I need to work on.

    I didn't do any detective, my sister-in-law who didn't believe her did. I know they always find out.

    I told her how I felt, but I didn't spill my guts how to her. I just told her that I liked her a lot, and that I'd really like to see this go somewhere, but that I was cool with it if she didn't feel the same way. Even after telling her that she gave me the first kiss. So I'm confused on this one.

    I kinda think I kinda destroyed my chances with that last text about ignoring me.

    I know I screwed up in a lot of places, I let my worries get the best of me. And stupid friends putting there noses where it shouldn't, but I had nothing yo do with that. And in the beginning I texted her more than what I should'be in the beginning. But there's so much more going on in my wall of text up there.

    So you don't think it would be a good idea to even wish her good luck on getting her drivers license? I haven't tried talking to her since Monday. Its kind of an important day for her, especially if she passes the test.

  5. #5
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Everything you communicate to her expresses that you're a bit needy, kind of desperate & somewhat unsure of yourself....

    You're also too available at a moments notice & you're catering too much to her convenience.

    You need to express a high status / high value.
    Meaning: you're not available to be her second option or last minute back-up plan.

    You should also be more direct & flirt a LOT more.
    Start teasing her & bantering with her.

    You're playing it too safe.. And right now, you've got one foot in the friend zone & the other on a banana peel.

    You need to shift the power out of her hands, because right now she has it all & she knows it.
    Everything she says or does affects you.

    Make yourself more of a "challenge" & she'll start chasing you.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    Talon_TSi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Everything you communicate to her expresses that you're a bit needy, kind of desperate & somewhat unsure of yourself....

    You're also too available at a moments notice & you're catering too much to her convenience.

    You need to express a high status / high value.
    Meaning: you're not available to be her second option or last minute back-up plan.

    You should also be more direct & flirt a LOT more.
    Start teasing her & bantering with her.

    You're playing it too safe.. And right now, you've got one foot in the friend zone & the other on a banana peel.

    You need to shift the power out of her hands, because right now she has it all & she knows it.
    Everything she says or does affects you.

    Make yourself more of a "challenge" & she'll start chasing you.


    Thanks for your input man. After lurking around this place for a week, I see a lot if things I did wrong. I wish I found this place before we started going out it would'be helped me a lot.

    But do you think its possible to turn this around? Should I text her today wishing her luck on her drivers test?

  7. #7
    T-Mal's Avatar
    T-Mal is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Yeah, you can text her... but don't just put it like "Good luck on your driver's test".

    Go with something like, "Hey speed racer, try not to wreck during your test... remember: it ISN'T bumper cars! "

    Anything along those lines will be a lot more effective & achieve better results.



    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  8. #8
    Talon_TSi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Yeah, you can text her... but don't just put it like "Good luck on your driver's test".

    Go with something like, "Hey speed racer, try not to wreck during your test... remember: it ISN'T bumper cars! "

    Anything along those lines will be a lot more effective & achieve better results.

    Yeah I like that. I was definitely gonna go with something fun.

    Should I shoot for a date too, or is that being to available? What if she asks?

  9. #9
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    If she asks, then she's interested, so go for it.
    Otherwise, I'd spend a little more time building attraction & flirting before suggesting getting together....
    Make her "want it".



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  10. #10
    Talon_TSi is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need serious advice on a confusing situation,

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    If she asks, then she's interested, so go for it.
    Otherwise, I'd spend a little more time building attraction & flirting before suggesting getting together....
    Make her "want it".

    Gotcha.

    In the event that I get nothing back from her, would you say its probably best to let this one go?


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