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Thread: how to not need to always be yalking to a girl

  1. #11
    Blistex is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: how to not need to always be yalking to a girl

    Marvilo, Lockdown said it all brother. I basically want to find myself through my solitude. That being said I'm not turning away women or anything, I'm just working through some deeper issues I have within myself (such as the need for validation from women, being scared of being alone, etc). I want to be happy WITHOUT a relationship so I can be in one and not be codependent, which I kind of think is what the author is getting at here.

    Within this process I have ended up hurting a few, and even realized that two girlfriends of mine I was close with I no longer want in my life simply because they are slightly dishonest but mostly childish and I don't care to be around them anymore. And it isn't just females either its been a few males as well. I have been being a total ass lately according to other people but I'm just making the changes in my life I want.

    These kind of matters are always grey area.

    That being said, I have went through a few women and a lot of success and failures in all aspects of my life to get to this point. It is a process, just something you can just accomplish.
    KISS - Keep it Stupid Simple

  2. #12
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    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: how to not need to always be yalking to a girl

    oh i get it now. i think i've been that way lately but i've also been feeling gloomy lately though when not talking to women( is that a start of obsession with picking up women?) like a drawback
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #13
    Flyboy86 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: how to not need to always be yalking to a girl

    I know exactly what you mean, these guys are making great points. It all really boils down to inner game. You know who you are and you are proud of it. I don't mean you are faking it till you make it. (Although you may need to initially which is fine) What I am talking about is truly believing. When you reach that state you aren't needy or anything, you don't walk into a bar and look around at the girls, you don't notice the total hottie walking into starbucks...you let her notice you. The best part is when you live like this people notice, especially girls. They will come to you. Then you will be chatting with so many girls you wont have the problem...then again, it's not a problem at this point because you are fine with being alone and who you are.
    Many people have noticed that when you are in a relationship other girls seem to notice you more and/or you find many other girls are attracted to you. Yes there is some pre-selection going on here (the fact that another girl has chosen you means you must be somewhat ok, so it's ok for other girls to choose you) BUT I believe that the main effect comes from the fact that you have a girl so you don't go around looking for others. You automatically become the guy who doesn't need any girls cause you already have one. The trick is to reach that state while being single. This state of being, and controlling the frame in my opinion are the 2 biggest keys to pickup. Before I go out after girls or there is a girl I want I always remember some quotes from "The Tao of Steve" a movie I believe mystery quotes several times in the MM book.

    paraphrased:
    "Be desire less" (What you are looking for in this case, not needing or wanting anything)

    "Be excellent" (Do what you are good at...guitar, talking, literature, good with kids etc...doesn't matter what it is, just find something and be observed (don't show off though))

    "Be gone" (this does not mean hit and quit, it means be unavailable or hard to reach)

    Hopes this all helps bud!

  4. #14
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    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: how to not need to always be yalking to a girl

    I need help achieving that goal/state though!!!! I'm that guy in the room who can talk to girls but is always scouting the room like a creeper. How do I achieve the state of not being needy that you are talking about?
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  5. #15
    Flyboy86 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: how to not need to always be yalking to a girl

    Yea man I hear you. At first its ok to fake it till you make it. Make a game out of it. Do this and PLAY FAIR!!!
    When you are in a club make a point not to scope out any girls, if you catch yourself looking at a girl and eyeing her GO APPROACH!!! This rule is true all the time. You really get to kill 2 birds with one stone with this. 1) you get to practice not looking around at girls, 2) if you do look, you must go approach.

    Also just make a conscious effort not to go gaga over chicks. Set goals and try to attain them and be honest with yourself. Neil Strauss plays a game where if he ogles a girl he goes up to her and gives her a dollar. Perfect!! He loses a dollar for ogling her and then he also gets to open at the same time!! Thats another good one. When she is like wtf is this for be like, "I am trying to not ogle beautiful women, when I do I have to give them a dollar" Say it with the right tone and frame and you have a great opener!!!

    Now moving on, other things I do when I get that feeling of loneliness or that I need to talk to a woman: I get into my hobbies or work, I get really into some good music or search for some good new music, I read DAVID X's stuff. It is a bit harsh and I dont take it literally but it leaves you walking away with a really macho feeling that you dont need women. Its a nice place to take yourself sometimes. Also I read Strauss' "Rules of the Game" he has lots of tips and i hate to say it but, self help insightful stuff in there. I always go back to it when I want to improve myself all around.
    Also check out NLP, I dont know how familiar you are with it. It is basically training yourself or "reprogramming" your brain to do what you want. So basically when you get those negative feelings you can do a "trigger" and put your mind in a state you want it to be in. Its pretty interesting stuff and potentially very very powerful. Good luck!


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