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  • 1 Post By sidewinder89

Thread: "Doesn't want to lead me on"

  1. #1
    topcheddar99 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default "Doesn't want to lead me on"

    I met this girl through a friend of mine and we have been texting for a month now. We have hung out together at the bar with a group of friends about 4 times, also went to eat with a group of friends together a few times. Two weeks ago we went on a day date where we ate and did several activities. It went amazingly well. She said she wanted to do something again. I tried to set up a date where we could watch a movie and eat at one of our apartments. She initially agreed but then flaked.

    Then she left town for a week and all of a sudden things started to seem weird. Now, about 4 days after she got back, I tried to set up a second date today and she told me possibly for tomorrow. I tried to get here to confirm something and she said" I had fun with you and I liked talking and hanging out but I don't want to lead anyone on"

    I'm very confused because it seemed very clear that we were both into each other. We had an amazing time on our day date and it seemed to be going very well.

    I have heard that she tends to like guys who are assholes. I think I was like that initally but then started to become a little to available/not as much of a challenge and she might have lost attraction.

    I still have not responded to her text about "lead anyone on" I still believe I can fix this somehow but I don't know what to say to that text.

  2. #2
    topcheddar99 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: "Doesn't want to lead me on"

    update:

    her: I had fun with you and I liked talking and hanging out but I don't want to lead anyone on.

    me: I'm glad you don't want to lead anyone on, I don't usually go for relationships and I'm sorry if I led you on in any way to make you think that is what I wanted.

    her: I wasn't thinking that far.

    me: Glad we're on the same page.

    her: (she sent me this immediately after I responded to her) I am more of a relationship type girl though.


    I haven't responded yet. I would in fact like to have a relationship with her, but I knew telling her that I don't usually do that would pique her interest somewhat. She definitely plays hard to get and I need to get her chasing me again like how it was in the beginning for us.

    Any ideas for a response to her?

  3. #3
    ItsRaySuper is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: "Doesn't want to lead me on"

    Tell her...

    "well it's obvious we enjoy each others company, and to me.. That's all that matters "

    After a few back and forths TELL her (don't ask) that she needs to get her butt to your place to taste your amazing cooking, or whatever you have to offer.

    If she flakes, playfully tease her for it. Show you aren't affected.

    That's how I would go about it.

    You got this.
    "You have to let them know what kind of man you are, so they will know what kind of girl to be" - MadMen

  4. #4
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: "Doesn't want to lead me on"

    A better response here would have been, "leading anyone on? We're going for a drink not getting married ".

    you're not controlling this frame you're reacting. You need to take control, just go with something like, "there's no need for categorizing, lets just have a drink and have fun... we can fill in the details later".

  5. #5
    Dj Chill is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: "Doesn't want to lead me on"

    FWB? Friends with benefits deal?

    Sounds a bit like negotiations are to be made, and your last exchange sort of added in that respect.

    I call it negotiations cause thats pretty much what it is, although at different degrees depending on the person. Sometimes they need a verbal confirmation of whats to come to further proceed with things. Others just make sure they are OK with however it goes and proceed as usual.

    Some of its implied...as ive witnessed myself. The tone of the discussion and how things are said is what makes this. As well some type of convo involving like sidewinder said above of "Lets just do/have XXXX and have a good time" and see where things go....which is a nice natural way to run things and to put things at ease.

    Some people gotta have that confirmation though, ARE WE DATING/IN A RELATIONSHIP? YES OR NO? Frick how can you assume anything after just 1-2 casual dates? Some are really strange and get offended or assume "your together" when sex, making out, or nothing of that nature has been even done. And on the flip side some like to know they can go out sort of "no strings attached" and have a good time and not be held to a "status" regardless of how intimate it can get.

    Back to the OP, maybe from the tone of things she thinks you want a solid relationship and shes not willing to fully commit to you considering how you've been talking to her. Does that mean you applied yourself wrong? Not necessarily but sometimes a discussion must be had to relieve things back to normal. Maybe she feels pressured and is backing away to require the space she needs....IDK

    You said she plays hard to get, some girls run "hard to get" to a new level now a days. And they get all of their intel from how you act towards her during those phases to sort of make a decision on future events. As well if one cannot even make it past her "defenses" like that then obviously one fails the test and will get shut out.

    Give some examples possibly of how shes playing hard to get, or does that just mean her being difficult to get a hold of?

  6. #6
    topcheddar99 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: "Doesn't want to lead me on"

    update:

    I replied: You and me would never have worked anyway I'm only into black girls

    her: lol!



    This is good because I think things started to get too serious and those last two texts were reminiscent of how we talked in the beginning. I think this is exactly correct:

    "Lets just do/have XXXX and have a good time" and see where things go....which is a nice natural way to run things and to put things at ease."


    I've heard that with guys in the past who rushed things with her and tried to get to physical to soon were shut out. I think she likes to have to chase the guy, I'm trying to get back to that. She was initially chasing me and was very interested but it slowly changed to me chasing her and her interest went way down.

    I'm going to relax on trying to set up actual dates and just let us meet as a group of friends again for now. Also going back to cocky and funny texting which got good responses compared to trying to set up a date. We have mutual friends who are helping me set up group meetings where we will see each other.

  7. #7
    hometownextra's Avatar
    hometownextra is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: "Doesn't want to lead me on"

    [QUOTE=topcheddar99;9 5880]update:

    I replied: You and me would never have worked anyway I'm only into black girls

    her: lol!


    Why didn't you just say

    you like your women like you like your coffee, STRONG and BLACK!!
    Learn to be a better person not a better player.


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