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  1. #1
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    hey guys I know a lot of you guys aren't in relationships but really even in non-serious things im sure this comes up and I would love some feedback.

    my girl and I have known each other for about 3 months, after about a month of seeing each other once or twice a week we decided to start a relationship. but the last few weeks i feel like we've repeated some cycles of nitpicking and getting pissy with each other that give me pause for something still so new. I like her a lot, she's really gorgeous, she's open minded, and 95% percent of the time she's really a pleasure to be around and has a very relaxed and positve outlook on things. however when she gets in a bad mood she can be really difficult.

    Saturday she came over, our plan was to watch a movie and hang out at the pool. both of our computers had problems so no movie. she also hadn't eaten lunch and I had and she was hungry, she decided she wanted some frozen chicken wings I had which was cool, but they had to thaw. didn't want anything else I had to eat and just gave the nasty look silent treatment, on the blackberry (which she knows i really don't like) thing while we went down to the pool. I got pretty annoyed and said she should cheer up and let's enjoy the afternoon but she pouted about being hungry but refused to eat anything else.

    How should I approach this type of situation? ignore it completely. I mean I offered to go with her to get something, offered her a sandwich or anything else I had that she wanted. I guess I want to know how not to let it get to me, because obviously when we're together (we only see each other on the weekends because I work late and she lives about an hour bus ride away (i live in colombia where most people don't have cars and aren't allowed to spend the night out much)). but i also realize that me reacting really didn't really accomplish anything but honestly I really didn't appreciate her behavior. although we kind of made up, yesterday I told her I needed some space (I've been kind of bummed about some other stuff as well so I realize I need to get my head on straight).

    So how can I both avoid reacting badly to her bad attitude and in turn leaving us both pissy while also conveying that i would like her behavior to be a bit different?

    on a slightly different note whenever we do get together again to figure out if this is something that will continue, any suggestions on how to bring up that I can't continue to spend the amount of money I have the last several weeks without sounding like a cheap a$$ (she makes 200 bucks a month and is still waiting to be paid for april so when we go out I pretty much have to buy)

  2. #2
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    Default Re: how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    You have to handle it in the moment. It wasn't about the wings or her hunger. She could have ate something else. It's about control in the relationship and how much of her crap you will put up with. It's a sh!t test of the relationship.

    The more you give in or put up with it the more she will take and her behavior will continue to escalate. Being a wimp in the relationship will make her lose interest in you.

    Why do women chase jerks and bad boys? They keep the woman on their toes. Women say they want nice guys but they lose interest in nice guys FAST. I am not saying go and be an a-hole but you can't be nice and take the crap either.

    I would have taken the wings when they thawed and threw them in the garbage in front of her. Then say, "See what you farken made me do? I am pissed because you acted like a farken b!tch all day. If you wanted farken wings you should have taken your arse, got in the car and bought the wings."

    Then you should have slammed a couple of doors. Practice faking the anger when she isn't around. I have learned this from experience. You can either learn it the easy way or go through it the hard way.

  3. #3
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    ok, so fight fire with fire. but wouldnt that just show her that her attitude got to me? I mean I see how that might be effective, but I'd like to have a happy healthy relationship and try to avoid the screaming slamming doors thing while also not just bending over to her when she gets like that. in other words i like the girl and want to find out if theres real compatibility there. while i see how that could work in breaking that behavior its not something that I think I'm capable of sustaining in a relationship

    other ways to do this?

    also how long do you think my need space to think freezeout should last? i guess its manipulative but really i want her to get a little insecure and feel like she could lose me if she pulls this crap again. could it also be that i am just overreacting? do many girls pull this kind of stuff? I guess I've never been with someone who goes quite so childish. maybe this was just a Sh1t Test. one that i would say i for the most part failed as at one point i told her to just go home if she couldnt cheer up but then we semi got over it while waiting for the bus.

  4. #4
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    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    Woah! That is quite a violent display you have planned there. Fighting fire with fire only leads to more fire. You need to be the one to throw the bucket of water or dirt on her. You also need to keep in mind that women are not pets and that you can't keep full control of the relationship. They will tire of the power dominance eventually, and when they do, no amount of control is going to be able to keep her with you.

    Here's how you should approach this situation:

    Talk to her.

    That's it. All you do is talk to her. When there are specific, reoccuring problems in a relationship, it is the healthiest thing for both parties to sit down and talk it out. Even though all of the incidents have passed, it is best for you to sit down with her and just tell her "Hey, it's been bothering me recently that you have gone on these streaks of bad temper, and I would just like to know what is going on with you?"

    In addition, you should try to see things from her perspective. Look at that afternoon. The movie plans fell apart, and she may have felt guilty about you having to continuously support her, and it may have ruined her mood for the day. You don't know if that is the case, but you can't say it isn't either. Try to see things from her perspective before you do anything you will regret.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    Ok swagman thanks for the more level headed advice. T A good talk is what we will have. Taking a few days to think and cool off have been good. I think what I see clearlu now is she came over withoit eating and with no plan fr or what to doabout iy. This was rrally her problem and while offering her something was the nice thing to do her refusal was still her issue and while I think it was on the rude childish side my getting ipset made her problem ours and while I plan on letting her know her reaction bothered me I do see how my own escalated a stupid issue.

    Is the best way to handle this just to ignore it? Let her work herself out of the pissy hungry mood herself?

    as far as the money goes I realize her situation sucks and it drives me crazy how people arr treated here. I plan on talking with her as well about the fact that me buyong every meal and us going out every weekend just isnt feasiblr snd how she migjt convey a some grattitude and hopefully shell reciprocate once as he g we ts some money and you know a nice voluntary surprise blow job would be nice too.

    I think what ive taken from this is it doesnt pay to escalate. As much as I wanted to change her attitude I wasnt going to in the moment and it made my attitide baf. Hopefully we can come to s good calm resent free understanding.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    shit test bro. Easiest option and my favourite, kick her out. Don't worry, she won't go. But just say in a "I'm not bothered" voice "Well, i've offered you food, if you don't want it, buy your own, simple as that really." When she starts acting like a baby, which she will... "Look, if your hungry, eat my food, but if your going to act like a child, then go home and we will do this another time, because i'm not spending my day off babysitting." She will then wind her neck in and continue to act like a normal human being.

  7. #7
    dave_xxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    You did reason with her by offering her other things to eat and she refused your generosity. Instead she just got more angry.

    Showing that you are upset isn't about controlling her at all. It's about standing up for yourself to show her that you aren't a pushover past a certain point. If you don't do that she will continue to test where the limits are to her pushing you around .

    If you give in at each stage she will just take more and more . From what you describe you are paying for everything and she still has the nerve to complain about your generosity?

    It's just a sh!t test and the best way to handle it is to pick a moment and show that you are upset. It's not showing her that she got to you. It's showing her where the boundaries are between acceptable and non-acceptable behavior. I can guarantee you that you can reason quietly with a person like this all you like but it won't change their behavior.

    It's only when you get upset, ask them to leave and only then they will take you seriously.

    After a few hours or so you can talk about it so that her behavior isn't repeated and explain why you got angry in the first place. That's when you can reason with her. You can show her the cause and effect of HER behavior.

    Getting angry is fine but physical violence should never be a part of it.

  8. #8
    jackstraw98 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: how to not be affect when gf gets a bad attitude

    I see a bit more where youre coming from dave I actually did tell her to go home and walked down with her to catch the bus, two passed and she didnt get on as we qefe talking, ultimately we made her farkem chixken wings. Make sex didnt happen which prolly woulda left me satisfied.

    We havent talked since sunday when we exchanged texts and I told het I needed ace. I had a lot of negative energy going on witj work my computer f.'d up plus the occasional up anf down of being in another country that I still get sometimes.

    Tonighy I noticed she had changed her whatsapp pic to one with her arm aroun amother guy and two other girls while jer status was I miss you so much frowny face (remember Im in colombia most of her friends dont lnow english) Seems lile jealousy ploy plus cry for attention? I lnow the pic is old because its on facebook but I would be lying if I said it hasnt affected me a bit. Plan on calling tomorrow tp set up lunch sunday to talk smooth things over get back on a better track. Im takung this weekend fpt me.

    Any final thoughts/suggestions/comments? gracias for the input you guys


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