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Thread: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

  1. #1
    -Ninja- is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    I've had some successes with this HB9.5, but ultimately failure. Here's my situation...

    This girl is 20 and I'm 35, normally I wouldn't touch a relationship with a girl that young, but she's mature for her age, gorgeous, athletic and driven, which I like. In fact, I've had better conversations with her than many women closer to my age.

    I've spent a lot of time gaming this girl in my volleyball class and over facebook and built interest over a 4-6 week period. We finally set-up date #1 and I told her to meet me downtown and that I would take care of the rest.

    Date #1

    I met her at her car and we walked to a coffee shop a couple blocks away. Conversation was good and I walked her to a restaurant for dinner. The restaurant I chose has crappy desserts, which gave me the opportunity to invite her back to my place for dessert. My original plan was to get my fire pit started and roast some smores with her, but it started to rain. She came over anyway because she dug the idea and we cooked the smores over my gas range indoors, which by the way proved to be a killer first date...there was plenty to laugh about and it was easy to Kino. We stayed in the kitchen for the most part and then I offered to show her a dvd of me during one of my belt tests in jiu jitsu. I could tell she was turned on by it, but about half an hour later she got called into work. As she was leaving my house I stopped her at the door and kclosed. I know it felt good to her because she thanked me and squeezed my hand before she left.

    I waited until the morning and told her how much fun I had even though she didn't know how to cook marshmallows and we went back and forth a bit. I waited until the next day to tell her I was taking her out for dinner and a movie the next night. I know some guys on here don't like movie dates, but I'm totally into them. You can kino escalate all over the place. She was down and didn't bat an eye.

    Date #2

    She met me at my house and I drove us to the park. We walked around a bit and decided on a restaurant to go to. I know many of the employees at the restaurant she chose so she was impressed when everyone was so friendly towards me. Dinner went well and we went to Star Trek immediately after. I noticed on FB that she "liked" the Star Trek FB page so I knew it would be a good choice. As soon as we sat down I pushed up the seat arm between us and grabbed her leg. From then on I escalated kino throughout the evening. When we got back to my house everything felt awesome and I kclosed again for awhile in my driveway.

    Honestly, at this point I thought I was in. Two awesome dates, great energy and chemistry...I was on cloud nine.

    Here's where I failed...

    A couple days passed and I invited her out Thursday night...she said she might be working for someone else at her work so I texted and asked her about Memorial day the following Monday. She said she wasn't working, but on call for 24 hours. I immediately felt like I might be coming off needy, but wasn't extremely worried about it because of how the dates had gone. That same night I realized a Fall volleyball class I'd signed up for was about to fill up so I sent her a head's up text letting her know she should sign up if she was interested, she never texted back. It was at this point that I began feeling like I'd made a major mistake and had come across needy and too intense so the next day I didn't text her at all. I saw her at school once and she had a picture of my nephew that had fallen out of my wallet and into her purse during the movie, already in her hand ready to give it to me. She seemed genuinely excited to see me, but she had a test and had to leave quickly. Like I said, that day I didn't text her, but that evening I checked my phone before going to bed around 11pm and she had texted me at 10pm, "Hey, I hope you had a great day ". I texted back thanks and asked her how her test went, but I'm guessing she was already asleep. She returned my text before 9am the next morning and we went back and forth for an hour or so.

    Throughout the next day I couldn't get her off of my mind, I didn't know if she was or wasn't interested and I was definitely into my head way too much. I couldn't control myself and I texted her and told her, "Sunday night, me and you at my place...I'm cooking you dinner". About half an hour later she texted, "I'm on call Sunday and I'd hate to get called into work after you go to all that trouble. I was pretty frustrated and I kind of lost my cool. I sent her this stupid text..."So, I'm starting to think I might be bothering you since you haven't given me any other options to hang out. I know you're a working girl and I respect that, I'm busy too. If you're not feeling it just let me know."

    She responded about an hour later with this,"You are not bothering me at all, I surprised myself by liking you actually...the last several months I've been hooked on someone that does nothing but play head games with me. I'm working on closing that door but I feel guilty starting something with you while I still have one partially open. But I'm working on it."

    Obviously it sucked to read that, I was frustrated, but new I shouldn't write anything back immediately and I definitely shouldn't talk sh1t about the dude so I waited to text back until the evening. I responded with what feels like another dumb text. "It's all good, I understand. You're trying to affect positive change in your life, which isn't easy and takes time. Youre in the middle of a personal evolution. I can't say I'm not bummed, I felt a potential with us I haven't felt in awhile, but one thing I've learned over the years is timing is everything. Don't worry about vball class it won't be awkward, we're adults right?

    At this point I'd decided to ice her until I could win back some control. She texted about half an hour later, "Timing is everything, it will be kind of awkward when you get your ass kicked by a girl ". Her text was in reference to vball because we'd been poking fun at who was better for a long time. I didn't text back and when I was in vball class today I pretty much just ignored her and tried to seem as Alpha and popular with everyone else as I could.

    My plan is to just continue icing her and she either comes back around when she gets things figured out or she doesn't, but I'm really wondering how to play it if she texts me or tries to talk with me. I feel like I should just play uninterested and stay aloof, but I'd like some more exact and precise ideas for how to proceed when she contacts me? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Zeus101's Avatar
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    From what you've said sounds like she is genuinely interested and that you have played the game well. The first date idea you had to cook the smores was totally original and chicks dig that.
    To me it seems like she is getting into your head too much and thats when sh1t starts to go down. If she is constantly on your mind you tend to over think situations and things to say, the aim of the game after all is to get you on her mind constantly, not the other way round! This was shown by when you were texting her, seeming desperate/needy asking for other alternative dates she was free. After she has flaked on the first one, you should have punished her and leave it up to her to then get back to you at when she was free. You asked her for a date, so she knows you are still interested in her, she declined, so its her responsibility to re-arrange.
    As soon as you take back control of the situation you'll be sure to find that she starts having free time come up. By icing her and not paying much attention, you have been doing the right thing however when you do speak to her still keep it interesting and fun, dont be blunt. A phonecall normally goes down a treat and mixes things up to texting all the time aswell.
    something like saying 'Its your turn to host the date next time, set things up and ill let you know if im free', will mean she has to find free time if she is interested in you, and shows you have authority.
    As far as this guy she has been seeing comes.. dont ask her about him or bring him up, you want to try and push him out of her mind and you into it, make it seem like you are the prize, not him.

    Fair play to your game so far though, seem to have been playing things very well! Hope some of this is useful and keep us posted how it goes..

    -Zeus
    Wise men don't need advice, Fools wont take it - Benjamin Franklin

    Stick a 50 note onto your forehead and talk to a stripper.. If you can get her to not think about the note, you are gold.

  3. #3
    -Ninja- is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    Thanks Zeus.

    I think I'm on the same page with your thoughts. Ice her, but don't be a dick if she contacts. In fact, be cool, fun and show her what she's missing.

    I need to get better at the punishing part of gaming. I hate taking the risk, but I'm finding it to be a critical part of success. I definitely like the idea of making her plan the next date and letting her know if I'm available or not...immediately turns the tables.

    If you throw in a phone call between texts do you text them to see if their available to talk right then or do you just call whenever you think they might be available?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    No worries bro, yeah like i said, you seem to have a pretty good grasp on the situation on most parts. just dont let her get into your head, keep cool and act as if she were any other girl you would game.
    You could just text saying 'im going to ring in X mins/this evening, but wont have long so just for a quick chat' . Putting a time cap on how long you can speak for automaticaly creates comfort with her as she wont get bored and think about when you are going to hang up, she knows exactly how long you are fre for and she is more likely to accept. asking her if its okay to ring in 5 mins or so, puts the power in her hands to accept/decline, which is not what you want. If she flakes on you saying you are going to ring, then cut the convo short or something, let her know she is missing out

    -Zeus
    Wise men don't need advice, Fools wont take it - Benjamin Franklin

    Stick a 50 note onto your forehead and talk to a stripper.. If you can get her to not think about the note, you are gold.

  5. #5
    EMSaenz's Avatar
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    I rarely ice a woman in your type of situation. Relationships are like plants, if you don't tend to them, they wither and die. Once a woman shows interests, I don't let go. I always assume there's a BF, cus there usually is. Most women won't let go of one guy unless they have another one in the wings.

    You're the guy in the wings. If she starts to think you're not interested, she won't move forward or she'll find someone to replace you too. You have a good thing going, don't let any insecurities take over your thoughts - Zero Tolerance on negative thoughts.

    You have to ensure that you are constantly on her mind, especially if she's about to go through some drama. She'll think of you as her salvation from the stress that comes w/a break up. If you ice her, she may think you don't care about her feelings. Remember that a key to getting a woman to be attracted to you is to build an emotional link w/her.

    Set up another date. Keep it simple. Escalate, but stop short of bedding her - unless she takes the lead. Do the opposite of what her BF is doing. Court her if you want her. Showing interest is not needy behavior. Showing you care is not needy behavior.

    Caveat: never talk about her BF (good or bad). If she brings him up, talk about the situation not the BF. If she asks your opinion about her BF, say it's not fair to talk about someone you don't know or start your answer with "Most/Some guys that act like that are..." But, it's best to avoid BF talk like the plague.
    Carpe diem!

  6. #6
    Zeus101's Avatar
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    This may help a bit aswell, worth a read:

    http://www.puaforums.com/ask-expert/...html#post97275

    -Zeus
    Wise men don't need advice, Fools wont take it - Benjamin Franklin

    Stick a 50 note onto your forehead and talk to a stripper.. If you can get her to not think about the note, you are gold.

  7. #7
    -Ninja- is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    "Set up another date. Keep it simple. Escalate, but stop short of bedding her - unless she takes the lead. Do the opposite of what her BF is doing. Court her if you want her. Showing interest is not needy behavior. Showing you care is not needy behavior."

    EM Saenz thank for the reply.

    I'm not sure how I would proceed with your suggestion. As I stated in my report I gave her three options to hang out and she brings up the boyfriend. Icing her is the plan for a short period of time hopefully and as soon as I build interest again and after she makes the first move, I would go out with her again. You suggest to take her out, but how would I actually make that happen without gaining some of the control back?

    Zeus, an update...

    She liked a picture I posted of myself on FB yesterday and then posted this to her own timeline, "You can't start a new chapter in your life until you stop reading the old one." She did both of these things at the same time leading me to believe that icing her is already working. I still don't want to text her over this, to me it seems like she's probing to see how far she actually pushed me away. I figure when she texts me it will be back on.

    Zeus, thanks for the BF destroyers techs...more gold.

  8. #8
    Zeus101's Avatar
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    seems like a positive sign for sure, by liking your photo suggests she is trying to get some attention back from you. In my opinion you should wait for her text a bit longer, show her you arent that easy and she is going to have to work for it. No worries glad it was of some use. Keep us updated!

    -Zeus
    Wise men don't need advice, Fools wont take it - Benjamin Franklin

    Stick a 50 note onto your forehead and talk to a stripper.. If you can get her to not think about the note, you are gold.

  9. #9
    -Ninja- is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    Gentlemen...an update,

    I was able to use a "BF Destroyer" and "Frame" while tending to the "withering plant" in my last texting sequence.

    As I stated previously, my initial goal was to restrict additional contact and ice her until she made a move, and I expected her move to be by text, but it didn't exactly workout that way. I'd been pondering what EMsaenz had said about "not letting her go once he had her", and "women are like plants, if you don't take care of them they wither away." I believe there is some truth here so I wanted to find a balance between being cognizant of this information while still standing my ground and punishing her for not hanging out with me. While I was waiting for her to contact she made two posts on her facebook profile that felt like they might have to do with our situation.

    The first:

    "I'm sorry, you seem to have mistaken me for a woman who will take your sh1t."

    I presume this was talking about the dude she's trying to separate from and while I could be wrong I think one of the reasons she posted it was probably for me to see that she's frustrated with him in some way. I didn't make any contact over this because there wasn't enough information to prove what I thought so I just sat back and waited.

    The second message was a day or two later:

    She's works at a hospital and she posted a picture of a nurse at the bedside of some patient with this message, "The reason I torture myself with a ridiculous work and school load...so I can help others. If all else fails, I know I can find happiness there."

    I took note of this message because to me it almost seemed like a cry for help. When she stated "all else fails" I can pretty much include myself to be part of that statement. This is when I felt like it would be a good time to incorporate EMsaenz ideas.

    I'm going to share our entire text from here with some thoughts. I was able to use Zeus101's boyfriend destroyer and also frame the boyfriend.

    Me:
    I read your fb post. "...all else" only fails when you turn it away. (she responded almost immediately)

    Her:
    Yeah I've noticed lately that I'm kind of an idiot like that... (this was pretty much an apology without saying I'm sorry. I wanted to let her know I wasn't happy so I decided to send a text that had a subtle and sharp tone to it. I was hoping it would tell me how sorry she really was)

    Me:
    Then make the necessary adjustments and fix it.

    Her:
    You make it sound simple.
    But I'm working on it. (she seemed a little irritated with my response so I felt I should soften up a touch.)

    Me:
    It's the furthest thing from easy, especially when emotions and finances are involved. When I'm dealing with difficult situations like yours I try and simplify the steps to better navigate a solution. (I wasn't sure if finances were part of it, but I wanted to know because this would effect how long it might take for her to fix the problem if she needs to get a place to get away from him)

    Her:
    It's more just emotions than anything else. I seem to know the right solutions, I just suck at the execution and follow through...

    Me:
    (BF Destroyer) I'm sure it's difficult to separate from your relationship. I'm guessing he's been really good to you for a long time, bought you gifts for no reason just because he cares, puts you and your problems before his and empowered you and your dreams. It would be difficult to give that up.

    Her:
    I've explained this poorly. He's not my ex, I have never really dated him. Things have just never fallen into place with the two of us. He has literally done none of those things you said lol which is why I feel stupid for caring for him. (this was the first time she's taken this stance about him so I feel like the bf destroyer worked like gold. I piggybacked framing him at this point because I was such a success)

    Me:
    Well let me ask you a question...if you were driving a Prius and I bought you a Ferrari, would you drive it?

    Her:
    I suppose, why?
    Mainly because I don't like prius

    Me:
    Haha...I figured. It makes sense. If you were living in an apartment, but could live in a mansion for the same price, would you?

    Her:
    Other circumstances would be in play but yeah I guess so. Are you going to explain what these mean?

    Me:
    Yes, yes...of course. Your answers to those questions suggest you'd choose the more desirable option...in this case it would be me.

    Her:
    Hahaha you are the ferrari and mansion? That's very humble of you

    Me:
    (This was a bad response so I knew I needed to punish her with my next text. I wanted to make her feel sh1tty for that answer.) No, of course not! Geez, thanks for trying to understand my point. I'm the potential to have the quality of life you seek. Nevermind. (she's actually never told me what she wanted, but given the type of conversation we were having I thought it would be a good time to try and program what she should be interested in.)

    Her:
    Hey now, I'm completely joking with you! I do understand what you are saying. It was a poor time for me to be a smart ass. (This was a good answer, so I awarded her on the next text)

    Me:
    It's cool, I know you get it. I know how smart you are.

    Her:
    Probably not as smart as you think but I appreciate the confidence.

    ...and that's where I left it. I'd made all the points I was interested in making. The conversation had gone well and I was able to leave it with her leaving the last text, which was a neg she made about herself.

    This past weekend I hung out with an old flame which helped me get rid of the oneitis I'd been dealing with. At this point I'm feeling pretty good going into our Tuesday vball class. I'm interested to see how the BF destroyer and Framing work after she processes it a bit.

    Any thoughts good or bad on how I could've played it different, or how I should play it from here?

  10. #10
    EMSaenz's Avatar
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    Default Re: MASTER PUA NEEDED, ex kills 3rd date

    Great job, Ninja! Perfect timing too.

    Forming some sort of emotional intimacy would help her bond to you. Empathize with her regarding loss, change and growth as it applies to ending a relationship, learning from the mistakes and moving on to better and brighter things - you have already planted the seed!

    Tell her about a break up you may have experienced. Be careful not to make yourself sound like an AFC, but like a person that learned a valuable life lesson. Make the break up sound positive if you use that theme, or any theme for that matter.
    Carpe diem!


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