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Thread: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

  1. #11
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    I'm not sure what you're surprised about. She has spent roughly 2,000 days with this guy. How many days with you? Of course she's going to miss him. And it may be for awhile.

    When you two are fine she doesn't miss him. When she got jealous over the girl she felt lonely and missed her ex. This back and forth is going to be for awhile and it's not going to end well. Unless you keep your head on straight you are in for some serious emotional stress. On both your part and hers. She will be constantly going from you, to the ex, then back to you. Until she's all sorted out and leaves you both behind for someone new.

    You're best option now is to just focus on being her escape. Making her your gf will the be the WORST option right now. You already know she has no issues with cheating. And because he is the recent ex, she will likely sleep with him and there isn't much you can do about it. It's called a rebound relationship for a reason.

    So take it for what it is. She is on the rebound and cannot provide the right emotional investment in you to have a truly healthy relationship. I mean, if you just broke up with someone you loved for awhile, even if she pissed you off, you'd miss her. Break ups are tough.

    By the way, I think the way you handled the initial situation about her telling you she had a bf was flawless. That's exactly how you should have handled it. And looked how it turned out. She broke up with him and has an interest in being with you. That has got to count for something even though in the long run a relationship is a bad idea right now.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Tough break on the outcome. From my personal experience, there are two types of women who just came out of a long term relationship -

    Ones who know that their SO is "not the one," knows that the relationship pretty much ran it's course, but she stays with him because of a comfort level. One eye is on her current boyfriend, while the other is on the look out for brighter opportunities. If the opportunity presents itself, she is gone.

    The other type is a hot mess after a break up. She is confused, she is emotionally unstable, and she might do stupid sh1t. It's usually because now she feels vulnerable after being cut loose from the rock.

    The HB you are working on sounds like a hot mess, but on the other hand, deep inside she knows her current relationship has run its course, but she is attached to the fond memories. From the sounds of it, she is/was in unhealthy dysfunctional relationship.

    Right now, it sounds like you are catching the rebound. Just remember that a girl in this state is hardly attractive and not good company. So before pursuing her, you gotta ask yourself if she is worth it. You say she is "perfect" and by that I'm assuming you feel that you two are compatible and have a strong connection with many things in common.

    As the above posters have commented, give her time. Worst case scenario, she goes back to her guy. If so, then you will know that she is the type of girl who gravitates towards guys who are controlling and jealous. If she gets over him, then you are in the green to pursue a normal relationship with her.

    Me, personally, I learned my lesson getting too involved with girls on the rebound. It's just not worth putting up with their negative energy.

    Remember, you are the prize. As a player that is your A-frame. So why subject yourself to this BS? The way you should be thinking is, "girl, when you are ready for me, you know where to find me."

  3. #13
    EliTurk89 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Quote Originally Posted by I.M.Mortal View Post
    Tough break on the outcome. From my personal experience, there are two types of women who just came out of a long term relationship -

    Ones who know that their SO is "not the one," knows that the relationship pretty much ran it's course, but she stays with him because of a comfort level. One eye is on her current boyfriend, while the other is on the look out for brighter opportunities. If the opportunity presents itself, she is gone.

    The other type is a hot mess after a break up. She is confused, she is emotionally unstable, and she might do stupid sh1t. It's usually because now she feels vulnerable after being cut loose from the rock.

    The HB you are working on sounds like a hot mess, but on the other hand, deep inside she knows her current relationship has run its course, but she is attached to the fond memories. From the sounds of it, she is/was in unhealthy dysfunctional relationship.

    Right now, it sounds like you are catching the rebound. Just remember that a girl in this state is hardly attractive and not good company. So before pursuing her, you gotta ask yourself if she is worth it. You say she is "perfect" and by that I'm assuming you feel that you two are compatible and have a strong connection with many things in common.

    As the above posters have commented, give her time. Worst case scenario, she goes back to her guy. If so, then you will know that she is the type of girl who gravitates towards guys who are controlling and jealous. If she gets over him, then you are in the green to pursue a normal relationship with her.

    Me, personally, I learned my lesson getting too involved with girls on the rebound. It's just not worth putting up with their negative energy.

    Remember, you are the prize. As a player that is your A-frame. So why subject yourself to this BS? The way you should be thinking is, "girl, when you are ready for me, you know where to find me."
    Couldn't have said it better myself, Sometimes the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

  4. #14
    blackMyth is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Hello guys!

    I have to say, the way you always put things in perspective for me, the things you say that simply just click in my head... it's truly amazing. Honestly, I think I would've blew it by now if not for you, I would have become too attached to her simply because I never do learn my lesson with these types of girls... But that didn't happen now

    So, yesterday after that text message she sent me, saying that she was not alright and missed him, I sent her this:

    "Alright, I understand that. But that's not gonna work for me, it's best that I keep away. I think you should talk to him again and solve your problems or at least understand the reason why you ended it in the first place.. If you want to talk, I'm here but I just have to take a step back..."

    And she replied:

    "Alright, I understand your side, I understand that it's best for you... and maybe it's best for me too.... :x"

    At this point, I simply just stopped texting her and she hasn't texted me back since. I obviously won't text her back because she has to come to me now, if and when she's ready.

    Some of you raised an important point which is the fact that she was open about cheating on her boyfriend. It bothers me as much as it would bother anyone of you, but you also have to look at it this way... she was opening up to me, she trusted me enough to say she cheated and regretted it everyday. It builds deeper confort. But yeah, I probably will never be able to trust her because of that and without trust, there's just no relationship, it's doomed to end, fast. But let me just be honest... I'm also no saint. In the end it comes down to me accepting her past and her accepting mine.

    Thank you very much for all your help!
    You guys are the best!!

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    You have a point. Just because she has done it before doesn't automatically mean she'll do it with every new bf for the rest of her life. And since you are studying PUA I doubt you will make the same mistakes he did that would push her away to do something like that.

    But still, you made the right decision telling her that. She has the potential to be a great woman to you. So just let her sort out her emotional issues and maybe you two could give it a real shot without any baggage.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  6. #16
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    I'm not sure what you wanted to do with that test thing.

    Seriously, one week after her breaking up with her boyfriend, in part because he cheated on her, you take her to a pub and make her think you might cheat on her too? That's pretty messed up.

    I understand wanting her to remember that you are the prize, and that women love you, and I do it too. But this is too heavy-handed.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  7. #17
    blackMyth is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Hello Mikalichov,

    You are probably right, that was a bit heavy-handed.
    Although, I don't regret it one bit. That night, I made her reveal her true feelings.
    You said I made her think I might cheat on her, that's not what I think really. Remember that the German girl came to me, remember I used proper body language to make others think she was the one "picking me up". When HB9 came and saw it and I went after her, I proved to her (without actually saying it) that even though other girls are interested in me, I still chose her. So, in the end, the test did serve my purpose.

    I wonder what your thoughts are, given what I just wrote...

    Best

  8. #18
    blackMyth is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Hello guys,

    There was an update.. the conversation went like this through texting...

    HB: Hello
    Me: Hello
    HB: How are you?
    Me: I'm doing ok, you?
    HB: Me too, are you upset with me?
    Me: I don't have to be upset with you, no one controls their feelings, right?
    HB: Yeah, but you're not ok with me...
    Me: You texted me just for that?
    HB: Look, you're being really stupid with me. It wasn't just for that but ok..
    HB: That attitude is not helping one bit

    Yeah.. I don't know what to do again.. Damn

    EDIT: At this time I just stopped replying. I won't get in a fight with her..

  9. #19
    cesar3003 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Quote Originally Posted by blackMyth View Post
    Hello guys,

    There was an update.. the conversation went like this through texting...

    HB: Hello
    Me: Hello
    HB: How are you?
    Me: I'm doing ok, you?
    HB: Me too, are you upset with me?
    Me: I don't have to be upset with you, no one controls their feelings, right?
    HB: Yeah, but you're not ok with me...
    Me: You texted me just for that?
    HB: Look, you're being really stupid with me. It wasn't just for that but ok..
    HB: That attitude is not helping one bit

    Yeah.. I don't know what to do again.. Damn

    EDIT: At this time I just stopped replying. I won't get in a fight with her..
    Why did she say you're not ok with you? does she have a reason to think something is wrong? Dont think you did anything that should make her feel that way. Why did you not tell her if theres anything wrong or whats wrong if you didnt want to fight with her?
    English is my second language

  10. #20
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Well that could've gone better. But I guess I'm the type that likes that stuff.

    I really like when a women expresses her concerns about me. It means she wants to be reassured of where she stands usually. I look at it as an opportunity to build rapport. This may sound strange...but I like rewarding a woman wanting to whine about me or us, by being supportive or sympathetic lol. It means she'll do it more since she knows I'll make her feel safe. And we all know that if we are rewarding her being more reactive to us, it just gives us more power.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."


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