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Thread: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

  1. #1
    blackMyth is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Hello guys, it's been a while since I've sought your help... I'd been doing pretty good so far, developing my inner game. Although, something happened and I don't know how to deal with it.

    I met this girl (HB9) around a week and a half ago. Everything went nicely, I got her number, K-closed. We kept contact and then we went out for coffe (she practically asked me out). It went nicely, I noticed she wanted to talk a lot and find about me, so I didn't try to be very intimate with her, although there was some touching.. I then took her home and right before she left, she kissed me. I was happy because even though things weren't going fast (which is also a plus), we both seemed very interested in each other. Then, when I was going home, she called me and asked if I could call her when I got home. I did just that and she told me:

    "I understand if you want stop talking to me, I would be sad if that happened, but I would understand. I supposedly have a boyfriend... I'm sorry I had to tell you like this, but you're too god for me to just continue lying to you".

    Well, I was surprised to say the least. But I kept my cool and said I wouldn't stop talking with her. After that, she explained that she didn't love him the same way. She's been in that relationship for 5 years and things just don't work out anymore. I took a step back and said something along the lines of: "I will give you time to sort out your life, but there will be no physical contact because cheating is against my principles and something I could never forgive". Yesterday, I took her to one of my favorite places and I have to be honest, it was HARD having her there with me and not just kiss her madly. She put her hand on my leg, started to caress it, and after that I just pushed her back to my chest and gave her a hug. We were in that position for minutes and we started looking at each other while triangulating. You're going to call me a wuss now, but after some time, I just said "We have to stop, I'll take you home" and that's what I did. I kept faithful to my own words..

    Could you please give me some advice on how to proceed? I'm being careful but we both like each other...
    Have you gone through something similar in the past?

    Best,

    blackMyth

  2. #2
    Odlaw is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Well the first thing I feel I should comment on is your title. There is no such thing as a "Perfect girl"If you get into that Mindset then you will be in trouble. You will think about how perfect she is and that she has no flaws and then you will start seeing yourself as unworthy of being with her and blow yourself out. That may sound like an a$$hole thing to say but I've been there with many chicks. I still find myself slipping into that mindset from time to time and have to remind myself that I am the prize not her.

    Ok now to the actual issue. Haha. Well I think that she will respect you for sticking by what you said. Women like a guy with principles so that can only be a plus. In the text she sent you one word jumped out at me. Supposedly. That means she is not happy. With you in the equation she will start rethinking their relationship so you could probably just sit back and watch nature take its course. That or you can check out some AMOG routines on here. They have BF destroyers that would blow him out of the water, just check them out. Hope this helps and good luck.
    Any of you guys in the Dayton Oh area let me know and we will sarge.

  3. #3
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Yeah, it depends how you feel about the BF destroyer as it's always left me shaky from an ethical standpoint.

    I would say stick to your guns and stick to your principles. I know it's tempting but she will respect you a lot more for the self-control. You can just keep re-iterating you need to sort out what you want before we further.

    I'd like to see what the experts think as this is not my area really but thought i'd try to help

  4. #4
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    Zeus101 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    There are many guides to blowing the boyfriend out the picture, the one i uploaded has some very helpful tips for your situation but there are others by Xavier for example - i would suggest reading both the guides. In this situation the boyfriend shouldnt pose too much threat to your game, she has already told you that she isnt happy with him and has kissed you - if she is the 'perfect girl' then dont let anything get in your way for her. You have to stick by your principle and she knows that, so the only way for you to be intimate with her is for her to break up with her boyfriend.

    -Zeus
    Wise men don't need advice, Fools wont take it - Benjamin Franklin

    Stick a 50 note onto your forehead and talk to a stripper.. If you can get her to not think about the note, you are gold.

  5. #5
    blackMyth is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Hello guys,

    You all just gave me tremendous help! I deeply appreciate it.

    I had forgotten that :S I am the prize, always. Damn! It's terrible what meeting a good (not perfect!) woman can do to you! Thank you for reminding me that!

    Actually, I'm not sure how I feel about the BF Destroyer. Although, I have to think like this: they have been together for 5 years, I didn't mention this on the post but, he has cheated on her (got another girl into bed) and she has also cheated on him (with me, and with another guy a couple of years ago, but he didn't take her to bed). She says that she "supposedly" has a boyfriend. Also, her boyfriend, who doesn't live near her came to be with her for the weekend and she told me "I won't be able to speak with you during the weekend because he's coming". And I agreed and said nothing... when he left, she texted me and said that she understood during the weekend that she doesn't feel anything else for him, although she still didn't dump him. I'm going to keep faithful to my own words and principles, but I also won't be stupid... if she takes too long to sort out her issues, I can't standby forever...

    Thank you very much for the guidance guys!

    Best

  6. #6
    blackMyth is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Hello guys!
    Once again, thank you very much for all the help you've all given me. I'd like to update on my situation. Shortly after what you've told me, I asked her out for coffee and we talked about her relationship. She was in a relationship for 5 years and she was very open and focused about:
    > They both cheated on one another;
    > He obviously liked her more than she did;
    > He was jealous and moderately controlling;

    I then used the BF destroyer and it worked, she ended the relationship in 3 days and we started hanging out more often and also F-closed. Let's call this girl, HB9.
    About a week later, I thought it was time to test her. I went out with my friends, we met these beautiful German girls and I initiated a "softer game" with one of them just to make her moderately interested in me.
    Then I told HB9 to come meet me and bring her friends and she did. I left the German girl and stayed with HB9. Later that night, one of my friends came to me saying he would pay me a drink. I left HB9 for a moment with her friends and then noticed that the German girls were looking for us (me and my friend). When they arrived at the bar where we were already ordering a drink, I turned around, back touching the counter, and stayed relaxed. We talked a little bit and then HB9 came and she saw the German girl talking to me. She was very pissed off, she stormed out, I went after her and then we both stopped and talked. She started crying and told me "It was really hard seeing you talking to that girl, I noticed how she looked at you"
    At that time, I assured her that that girl meant nothing to me and things were solved. This was my test.

    Some days ago, I noticed that she stopped doing some things... she was always the one initiating the conversation. She told me she wanted to be with me and that she thought about me a lot. Then she told me she went out with friends, she drank too much and started crying (not because of me) but because of her ex-boyfriend. Today, I was very direct with her, I asked "Do you regret it? (breaking up with him)" and she told me "I don't know but I know I'm not alright, I miss him.." Damn, these words were really harsh to read... and basically I don't know what I should do...
    The girl seemed so determined in breaking up with him and now she says she misses him... it's been two/three weeks only since they broke up... but truth be told I wasn't expecting this to happen...

    Do you have any advice you can give me for this kind of situation?

    Honestly, the only thing I can think of is... I should tell her that we both need time and space, that we should not contact one another during some time in order for her to make up her mind... but I don't know.. I think I'm really starting to like this girl and despite not wanting to mess anything up, I also don't want to become too attached to her since that will make me suffer a lot worse.

    Thank you very much,

    Best

  7. #7
    cesar3003 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    I think you should give her time. 99% of girls need time to get over their boyfriends especially after a long relationship like this even if it hasnt been great recently they are still used to the guy just be there for her, and in most cases it does take at least a few months...So I dont know, in the end you are already a winner, unless you want to make this girl your girlfriend you should give her time, if not then you should probably move on
    English is my second language

  8. #8
    Nikee is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    So I dont know, in the end you are already a winner, unless you want to make this girl your girlfriend you should give her time, if not then you should probably move on.
    I don't think making her your gf is a good idea. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't make a girl that had cheated on her boyfriend with somebody, even if that person is me, my gf. because if she did it with you while she was with him, what would keep her to do with someone else while being with you???
    I would definitely keep messing around with her to get laid or earn more social proof, but nothing serious to the point of boyfriend girlfriend.
    In the meantime after she told you that, at least you know where you stand in this whole situation, and if it were me I wouldn't even respond to her text as sometimes is not about what you do that speaks but rather what you don't do. so don't even respond to her text, take couple of steps back and let her handle it on her own, as she would value her next decision even more if she feels like its coming from her, and not you trying to convince her, and finally just go back to sarging in the meantime. keeping yourself busy works well for me.
    Good luck.
    Nikee --Just did it--

  9. #9
    bendenherover is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    just fark her..once u do that she'll like u so much that she'll break up with her bf soon after. unless ur really bad in bed haha

  10. #10
    EliTurk89 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Met the perfect girl... but she has a boyfriend!

    Dang man your in such a tough spot, If you really like her just give her time, then proceed.


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