Balancing the Power in a Relationship
This has been an on-going issue that I have seen in terms of relationship problems, and I have yet seen anyone else stand up for this view.
A lot of the men here on the forums have this preconceived mentality that they need to maintain full power in a relationship. The girl needs to constantly prove themselves to you, the guy determines everything that goes on. If the girl does something that they guy doesn't like, the guy is supposed to chew her out and put her in her place. All the power in the relationship belongs in the hands of the male partner.
This is a terrible mentality to have, and it will lead to destruction in the relationship. Here is why:
Suppose that there are things that the girl does that bother you. Instead of talking things out, you yell at her furiously for what she has done. She submits, and you take victory, but deep down she is upset. You would not know, because you have not even taken the time to understand her. Time goes on, other issues pop up, and she becomes more and more unhappy as the power and "right" in a relationship are kept on one side. Eventually, she decides she has had enough and she leaves, leaving you wondering why she has left you when you thought the relationship was firm and stabble.
A good relationship is one where the power is shared, not centered around one person. Both sides need to be able to recognize issues and peacefully talk through them, not roar at each other until one side gives out. From time to time, you also need to surrender or give in to what she wants. A relationship is like a never-ending tug of war: If you lose all the time, then you no longer want to play anymore.
In Dr. John Gray's book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, the very first passage takes you to a situation very similar to what I have read to be supposedly "correct". Gray's wife had just given birth, she tore, and now she is in an agonizing amount of pain. This has carried over to Gray himself, and her attitude has driven him through the roof. Eventually, the two blow up into an argument, and just as he is storming out of the room, she finally tells him:
"I'm in pain. Please don't leave me."
It is at this moment that Dr. Gray comes to a higher understanding of the mechanics of a relationship. All of a sudden, he begins to understand the problems his wife is going through. She wasn't being a bitch because she is a bitch. She was in a bad mood because she is in agony. Now what kind of impact would that have on her if Dr. Gray had done the "dominant, manly" thing and just stormed out of there "like a boss"?
Guys, not all problems in a relationship can be solved by yelling and trying to win things over in your favor. If you truly love someone, then you have GOT to be willing to make sacrifices. You have to able to talk to her and see things eye to eye, instead of yelling at each other in a display of brute force. Sometimes, the "manly" thing is not to revert to your physical dominance, but to connect with your lady on the emotional level that she understands most.
"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X