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  1. #1
    elizabeth412 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    I have been platonic friends with this guy for about two years, and things veered in the direction of more than that at different times, but the actual turn was never made. Anyway, our contact in the last couple of months has increased greatly, because he asked me to help him sell his basketball season tickets for the playoffs and finals. I agreed, so our telephone and email contact has increased.

    When I went to his house a couple of weeks ago to pick up my commission, I stayed and watched the full game with them that night, despite my repeated indications I was going to leave and then being encouraged to stay and hang out by him and his brother. There were some flirtatious yet respectful moves during the conversations that he initiated (grabbing my hand and holding it after a high five, indicating where I could get a tattoo by grazing my side, touching the back of my neck, etc.) and some compliments and innuendos. Just before the game ended, his brother left and I got a little uncomfortable and didn't want anything to happen, because it wasn't a date really. (I wouldn't have let anything happen besides kissing anyway, but I didn't want to be that available for such an impromptu get-together.) So I thanked him for letting me overstay my welcome, and he said I didn't. We hugged good-bye.

    Then I was invited to watch another game with them a few nights ago, which I accepted. We all had dinner in front of the T.V., and conversation flowed comfortably among all of us, just like the previous get-together. One thing that was strange is that my guy was sitting on one couch and when I joined him after a while, he soon moved to a chair by himself but still near the couch. There was no other awkwardness, though; I just thought that was a body language clue. A few flirtatious comments were made: such a cute laugh, you could clean my house wearing a French maid's outfit, etc. The evening continued, and his brother left again just before the game ended. I was feeling more comfortable that evening and was relaxed on the couch watching the post-game commentary for a moment when he suddenly turned off the T.V. and went behind me to another couch to pick up my purse to give to me, saying he was going to go to bed! I said I was too after a trip back to where I lived. As I was heading towards the door, he invited me to come over for the next game (which is tomorrow night) and we would have wine. I was trying to process these mixed signals so close together and ended up graciously accepting the invitation and thanking him for dinner that night and so forth. My obvious question is what in the world is happening??? If he didn't invite me back and with wine, I would have felt so rejected with that abrupt way he indicated he wanted me to leave. Yet I still do feel rejected on some level and very confused. Also, I don't want to be known as "Game Girl" and always available because I haven't been before at all, but this seems to be an opener into uncharted territory for us. Please share your thoughts/opinions on this soon!

  2. #2
    hyp
    hyp is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    he sounds too pussy to actually advance with you, maybe you be a bit forward and invite him outside of the house one on one without his brother, by the sounds of it he wants you but is too scared

  3. #3
    elizabeth412 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    Hm-m. You may be right. I would be surprised if he's too scared, though. He just appears to be savvy with women, although I have never seen him with anyone but me. He's drop-dead gorgeous, gregarious, etc., so I can't imagine him being afraid of me. Even if he was afraid, his abruptness after the game was harsh and off-putting. I can't get past that, even though he invited me for another game moments later.

  4. #4
    hyp
    hyp is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    after re-reading that last paragraph
    when I joined him after a while, he soon moved to a chair by himself but still near the couch.
    and
    when he suddenly turned off the T.V. and went behind me to another couch to pick up my purse to give to me, saying he was going to go to bed!
    i still stand what i said about him, and even more so he probably doesn't know how to act comfortably around women or he just wants to be friends...how old are you two if you don't mind me asking

  5. #5
    elizabeth412 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    That's my concern -- that he just wants to be friends. There was more flirtation during the first visit, for sure, and only some during the last one. The abruptness threw me, but I think the invitation to return -- with wine -- was really confusing. Wine adds another element to the equation, right? Am I reading into that too much? We talked about our alcoholic preferences earlier, and I said I like white wine but can't drink much of it because I'm such a lightweight.

    He's 43 and I'm a bit older, incidentally. Why do you ask?

  6. #6
    hyp
    hyp is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    well why not test the waters and be more forward with him, "tradition" says the guy goes after the woman (and by any means he doesn't sound like he's into pickup so id say he's not doing those things to amplify attraction etc), but that ain't happening, sometimes i like to let the women go straight after me rather than vice versa, see how he reacts if you be a bit more forward, then if he's cool with it keep going, if not you know where you stand

    and the reason i asked cause it's something typically a "youngster" would be doing, something seemed odd haha

  7. #7
    gh0stfac3 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    i think the age thing is a bit important too, seems like a young guy that wants to move forward but is a bit scared of getting shut down.

    Reason i say this is for a few reasons. but they all seem like something a young guy would do.
    1st Hes inviting his brother alot, seems like he wants to make a friends type atmosphere for you because he isnt ready for the more serious pressure of just being alone with you. His bit of Kino the first time are huge IOIs

    2nd I think the first incident he was comfortable with you but you mentioned that you got uncomfortable and left... He most likely detected that and thus explains his behavior for the 2nd time, where he was a bit more reserved and withdrawn, attempting to pull you back in (Push Pull technique)

    My advice:
    If he doesnt, suggest something just the two of you... He will accept if hes into you (even if hes nervous) show that you're comfortable and im sure he will reciprocate.

    Hope i made sense

  8. #8
    elizabeth412 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    Thank you for your responses. I appreciate your insight and sensitivity.

    I am not comfortable making a move with him, because I am terribly shy in that regard and really do not think that I should stick my neck out as a woman when he apparently can only stick his out so far before bringing it back in! I am sure he has had experience with women and knows how it's done. I didn't like how he handled the other night, even though it was buffered by another invitation and a kiss on the cheek before I left. Again, does an invitation with wine mean a possibly romantic gesture or not?

    I am also a bit concerned at this moment because I haven't heard from him since Thursday night. I don't even know if my invitation for tonight still stands! I also discovered that he reduced the price of his tickets yesterday online and didn't bother to let me know personally. He's done that before, and we spoke about my being kept in the loop and so forth. However, I think he's avoiding me and it might not have anything to do with the tickets. I am nervous now...

  9. #9
    sidewinder89 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    Well my question is what do you want out of this?? Reading your posts you seem to be throwing mixed signals yourself i.e. I wouldn't let anything happen and the awkwardness when you are alone together etc.

    How are you responding when he makes an advance?

  10. #10
    elizabeth412 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Some Male Advice Is Needed Here, Please!

    He hasn't really made any overt advances; they have been rather subtle. You asked how I have responded, and I have either smiled or let them happen, i.e., continuing to hold his hand during an extended high five. The fact that I have stayed for two entire games should be enough to indicate interest on my part, right? We laugh and smile a lot and tease each other -- all fun and comfortable. Also, before I came into the picture as a guest for the last two basketball games, he used to watch them with his brother alone, because we had a couple of conversations during things like this before. Anyway, I thought that my being invited again to yet another "guys' night", especially with someone so important as a close brother, was significant. Because of the hot/cold on both sides, I don't think either one of us knows what to do! I am certainly not in a comfortable position to demonstrate my feelings now, because I now feel I am being blown off and will not go tonight if I do not hear from him today. Now he can't even make a business-related call to me to let me know about the reduction in ticket prices??? I reflected the price change in my ads yesterday after I saw his changed, but still... He should have let me know.


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