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  • 4 Post By BatMan
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Thread: GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

  1. #1
    smurfs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

    Hey all,

    Been long time lurker of the PUA Forums.

    She has been rather insecure whilst being with me however since the 'talk' a few weeks ago, I have been giving her more security through some relationship friendly beta acts and words.
    Now when the talk occurred and I had agreed to making it official, she mentioned she was scared... scared to tell her friends etc. Now situation is that we have a lot of mutual friends and she had recently (1-2 months) broken her LTR.


    Now the issue:
    I have been with this girl for about 2 months and she has the clear signs of an attention seeker - she is quite the flirt. Also loves to mention to me the guys that are chasing her - I have handled these situations through the aloof/ignore attitude.

    As she is avoiding letting our mutuals know of our r/s, my gut feeling is that she is still enjoying the attention she gets from many of the (mutual and non-mutual) guys friends surrounding her as she regularly catches up 1on1 with them.

    TL;DR;
    Gf avoids physical contact and acting as gf with me amongst mutual friends
    Gf identified as a small time attention seeker in my eyes

    Is she doing this because of the mutual friends + just ended LTR of 4yrs (2-3 months ago)
    Should I reassess and work through other options/women or simply be patient in this situation.

  2. #2
    cesar3003 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

    wait, so she was in a 4year relationship and now after like a month you're her new bf?
    English is my second language

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

    I hate to admit this, but I have been through this. A few months back in fact. Now she did tell most people about me, but one or two she didn't which bugged me.

    Think about it, what would prompt you to not tell your friends about this girl? Get inside her head. I mean, if you guys split then she avoids embarrassment from her peers since she never told them. Right? Not a good position to be in.

    The quick answer for me is that she's simply not ready. Even if she thinks she is. A new relationship is usually flaunted about. Not kept in secret.

    I know that your ego will want to correct this without losing her, but I'm telling you that you are sparing yourself a lot of heartbreak down the road if you end it now. And I'm not a advocate of walking away. In fact, I'm big on working things out. But you are an alpha man with standards. If she can't do something as simple as acknowledge to everyone that she is taken then you would be settling and she isn't for you. Let her know that you will be there when she is ready, but that you don't want a halfass relationship. Put your ego aside and find a woman who would BRAG to her friends, family, and even exes that she is with you. You don't need that ish.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  4. #4
    smurfs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

    Thanks for the thorough response batman, you basically reinforced my sentiment.

    As to cesars point however, I agree.... Retrospectively thinking, it was seemingly too fast for her to move on and I probably moved into rebound territory.

    However to give further insight, I had known her for many years however never spoken to her conversational - simply aquintainces. During her LTR this year, I ran the bf destroyer routine and then simply left it at that - one/two word replies, became elusive as I was interested in gaming a girl who was not in an LTR.
    Quick summary of events:
    Day of breakup she txts me. We continue to talk more frequently thereafter. 3 dates at my place before bang. I saw as fbuddy material but had qualities of LTR gf. The talk occurs and we are where we are now....

    TL;DR
    Now the question is, I would like to bring up the question or statement about being ready for a relationship without coming off as needy or beta.

    My other thoughts are that she could be hiding it from our mutual and non mutual friends because she is worried about how others will think of her as she has seemingly moved on 'quickly' since the 4-5 year LTR. However I'm not sure whether I should excuse and empathise on her behaviour as a result of this - or Am I simply at fault myself for gaming such a girl so soon after...

  5. #5
    smurfs is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

    Also @Batman, out of curiosity - how did you story end or continue ?

  6. #6
    BatMan's Avatar
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    Default Re: GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

    It may be possible that she just doesn't want to hear her friends mouth about jumping into something so soon. Again this simply reinforces the idea that she is not ready. It's not a bad thing. She may still be hurting and wants a band aid. It's not like she consciously is going to hurt you later on...but she will.

    Well she is my ex now, but for whole other reasons. She did tell those people about me, but the fact that I brought it up as an issue in the first place bothered me. I mean, she should have done it without my bringing it up. I chalked it up to that she wanted to keep her "options" open, so to speak. I knew she wasn't doing anything, but just wanted the orbiters. But that's a whole other set of issues with her character that I won't get into here. Ultimately I hurt for a bit, but it saved me so much more down the road since it would have only gotten worse. Heartbreak is a part of life and you will never avoid it. Just develop coping strategies and you'll be fine.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    phenix is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: GF not telling her friends she's dating me...

    How exactly do you act with her? she seems like one of those girl that crave attention and need it all the time, always. If you provide a lot of attention to her, of course she will want to keep you around her.
    From my experience a girl is always excited about any new relationship and wants to let everyone know. The fact that your gf keeps quiet about it should be a concern.. There clearly is something wrong there, that just does not happen usually.

    If you feel like you provide her with a lot of attention, she may only use you to fulfill her need for it.
    If not, confront her about it, because that is very weird, and I'm not sure you will be happy in such a relationship.


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