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  1. #1
    topgunningit's Avatar
    topgunningit is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Girlfriend questions, for those who is dating someone

    So my current girlfriend and I have been dating for a while. She runs her constant sh!t tests every so often. When we met at first she told her friends about me and her, and I have met them but as soon as we got into a relationship she didnt tell them that we were dating? Anyway, for some reason she been getting a little distant lately. Like safe guarding her emotions and avoid telling me stuff. Now I confront her on a lot of issues and it leads into an argument. Normally it takes her 3days to tell me the reason why she acted the way she did. If it wasnt for PUA and being patient I would have lost my cool a long time ago.

    The question is what do you do with someone who is emotional withdrawn sometimes, and avoid telling you things which is bothering them? And do constant sh!t test in order to break you and openly admit to testing? I give her a lot of space but I am getting approach by a lot of girls lately which sometimes I feel like just casually dating another person. I dont condone cheating and greatly dislike it but now I understand why some people stray in relationships.

  2. #2
    Dizzie's Avatar
    Dizzie is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Girlfriend questions, for those who is dating someone

    Well, what is it that you want at this point? Do you want to stick it out with this girl, or would you rather be single and date other women. What ever you decide, as long as you are happy. Relationship dynamics are a little different than when things are just casual but some of the principles remain the same. Don't be needy, don't chase her, stay in control of your emotions and don't take her sh*t. I've also personally made things worse in my previous relationships by trying to employ drastic techniques or jealousy plot lines in hopes to reel a girl back in. High risk\reward techniques didn't help me from my experiences. My best advice is to mirror her level of investment and to not emotionally overreach yourself. Either way hopefully you figure things out. Best of luck!

  3. #3
    BatMan's Avatar
    BatMan is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: Girlfriend questions, for those who is dating someone

    I think you should make an honest effort before bailing. And I get the feeling you want to as well. Beings that you wrote the post :P

    So realize that as soon as you come into contact with any woman or person you are instantly shaping each other. Telling them things you like or dislike. Wanting them to be a certain way and them wanting you a certain way. Setting up your frame and she sets up hers until a dynamic is set with your two. It happens constantly and it's something we should try to gain conscious control over.

    So focus on shaping her into a woman that likes to be open with her feelings. This is a delicate technique and even I, myself, have not mastered this due to my own frustrations with women lol.

    The main thing to have in your mind is that you should only state your standards and expectations. Telling her what she NEEDS to do will only bring out her rebellious side and she'll want to express her free will. Even if she feels you're right, she'll go opposite of what you tell her simply to show you're not the boss of her. I mean, I think you'd do the same if she did that to you, right?

    Now after you focus on only stating what you want or expect then this is the general message you should be saying to her in summary. Not necessarily verbatim:

    After she opens up: "I really like how you open up to me. I feel closer to you every time you do. It also makes me feel good knowing you trust talking to me."

    If she's obviously being cold and you want her to open up: "Hey this isn't high school anymore. And I missed the day in class where they taught mind reading. I respect people who open up and tell me how they feel because I sure as hell don't have time to sit around wondering what's wrong with them. I'm here if you want to talk."

    The idea is to shape being closed off as a negative trait. Even turns you off. While shaping her opening up as mature and admiring.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

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