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Thread: Need some serious Help!

  1. #1
    Eihsok is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need some serious Help!

    This will probably, be an extremely long story but for me to hopefully find a solution you need to know a lot. So basically i had this best friend who was a girl who i was extremely close with and we would talk about everything, i had no feelings for her whatsoever, and deep down i knew that she secretly liked me, long story short one day we decided to hang out and she just couldn't take it i guess and just jumped on me and started kissing me, i knew since she made the first move she obviously had very strong feelings for me. After our little make- out session she told me how much she really liked me and how that she liked me for an extremely long time and was always scared of my reaction to it. After this we started hanging out a lot more and i eventually over time i developed feelings and admitted that to her. A few dates later she kept bringing up the topic of " what are we? " i obviously wasn't interested in a relationship at the time but the thought of being with her sounded really nice as she was attractive and had very good qualities. Eventually we talked about it and became boyfriend and girlfriend, everything was going VERY well ( we're at a few months now ) as we were bestfriends and we really enjoy each others time and company but then i started to realize she would never text me first anymore, she would always wait for me to do it which was fine as we were dating now, ( before she would text me 24/7 & always want to see me ) I started texting her more, first and started continuing the conversation a lot, and everything was still going great, However, there was one problem she likes to go to parties and hang out and drink with other guys, however, i was uncomfortable with that and told her i was and she said alright. and stopped talking to guys and going to party's, a few weeks later she started acting really different like a big change, and i would ask her what's wrong she would promise me that everything was fine. But then one day she just blurted out and said she needs to talk to guys and she needs to go to parties and she doesn't want to be tied down, and that she doesn't want to end up hurting me. ( She's not a slut by any means i'm her first everything pretty much and i know shes telling the truth ) So i said what really why and we got into this whole breakup argument and now i really don't know what to do to keep her, as over these past couple months I've really grown to like her, and all of a sudden she's changing and wants to break up, it isn't another guy also because and i'm positive about that. we're hanging out on friday to determine the fatality of things and i really don't want to lose her.. She also told me she needs me in her life still, and i said i cannot do that if we are not dating, she was very upset about that and even started crying. I know she wants to end things for sure and i need to know how to fix it if it's possbile. Keep in mind I'm probably the closest person to her and have been for awhile she doesn't really have anyone else because she lost her bestfriend recently. If you need any more info let me know.


    I have decided not to not respond back to her until friday, tell me if thats a good or bad thing her last text message was " they sent me home from work early! "

    Additional info

    We both didn't really date before
    We've known each other for 3+ years
    She appeared to liked me more than anything in the world, with the way she texted and talked to me before.
    at this point i don't know our relationship status

  2. #2
    dave_xxx's Avatar
    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some serious Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Eihsok View Post
    This will probably, be an extremely long story but for me to hopefully find a solution you need to know a lot. So basically i had this best friend who was a girl who i was extremely close with.

    We would talk about everything, i had no feelings for her whatsoever. Deep down i knew that she secretly liked me, long story short one day we decided to hang out and she just couldn't take it I guess and just jumped on me and started kissing me, i knew since she made the first move she obviously had very strong feelings for me.


    After our little make- out session she told me how much she really liked me and how that she liked me for an extremely long time and was always scared of my reaction to it. After this we started hanging out a lot more and i eventually over time i developed feelings and admitted that to her.

    A few dates later she kept bringing up the topic of " what are we? " i obviously wasn't interested in a relationship at the time but the thought of being with her sounded really nice as she was attractive and had very good qualities.

    Eventually we talked about it and became boyfriend and girlfriend, everything was going VERY well ( we're at a few months now ) as we were bestfriends and we really enjoy each others time and company but then i started to realize she would never text me first anymore,

    she would always wait for me to do it which was fine as we were dating now, ( before she would text me 24/7 & always want to see me ) I started texting her more, first and started continuing the conversation a lot, and everything was still going great,

    However, there was one problem she likes to go to parties and hang out and drink with other guys, however, i was uncomfortable with that and told her i was and she said alright. and stopped talking to guys and going to party's, a few weeks later she started acting really different like a big change, and i would ask her what's wrong

    she would promise me that everything was fine. But then one day she just blurted out and said she needs to talk to guys and she needs to go to parties and she doesn't want to be tied down, and that she doesn't want to end up hurting me.

    ( She's not a slut by any means i'm her first everything pretty much and i know shes telling the truth ) So i said what really why and we got into this whole breakup argument and now i really don't know what to do to keep her, as over these past couple months I've really grown to like her, and all of a sudden she's changing and wants to break up, it isn't another guy also because and i'm positive about that.

    we're hanging out on friday to determine the fatality of things and i really don't want to lose her.. She also told me she needs me in her life still, and i said i cannot do that if we are not dating, she was very upset about that and even started crying. I know she wants to end things for sure and i need to know how to fix it if it's possbile.

    Keep in mind I'm probably the closest person to her and have been for awhile she doesn't really have anyone else because she lost her bestfriend recently. If you need any more info let me know.


    I have decided not to not respond back to her until friday, tell me if thats a good or bad thing her last text message was " they sent me home from work early! "

    Dude,

    Just a request. If you are going to have a really long post if you could space it out a little. It took me 2 minutes to space out your post because it was too hard on the eyes.

    My 2nd request would be if you could use some punctuation so we know where one sentence ended and another began. I am not asking for perfection and I am definitely not the spelling police either.

    What we write and how we write it does reflect on us. People judge us when we send e-mails and when we send text messages not only in our personal lives but also in the work place.

    I am not trying to be an a-hole but trying to be a friend that is helping you improve your game and your life.

    Cheers!

  3. #3
    dave_xxx's Avatar
    dave_xxx is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need some serious Help!

    You have to let her walk away. She has made up her mind and you won't be able to change it. The more you try the worse you will look in her eyes.

    Tell her that you have also given it a lot of thought and that you believe that a breakup is a healthy thing for both of you. Say it confidently with a smile on your face.

    Go out and have fun. She may try to get back together in a few months. If you look really needy/desperate she will never come back and she will lose all feelings for you.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need some serious Help!

    I agree with dave_xxx. A relationship requires compromise and sacrifice. If she is not willing to do that then she simply isn't ready and that's neither of your faults.

    It would be selfish for her to think she can get her cake and eat it to by going out and partying all the time getting drunk and wanting a healthy monogamous relationship. And it would be unfair to her for you to take those things away when she really isn't ready to settle down even though she thinks she is. Unless you were ok with her doing that. Which I know you're not.

    Always keep by your standards. No matter how you feel about her. You will look weak if you let her do things that you absolutely cannot stand and you'd lose her anyways. I personally like to go out and drink with friends and party. But I would not want my gf to do that and I would cut down on my partying for her. It's about what you are NOT willing to tolerate and what are you open to discussing. Maybe she can go out with the girls one night a week or once a month. Compromise. (I actually hate that word lol. But it is required for a relationship to work.)

    Honestly I notice when people get together after all the chasing and Tension it then becomes one of those "ok now what?" type of scenarios. It's important to have goals, as a couple, to keep both of you stimulated and excited about the relationship. Plan a trip away together. Take a cooking class together. Allow yourselves to miss each other by not talking for a few days. I mean, you don't have to drive yourself nuts trying to keep things feeling alive. But doing these things once in awhile when you feel things are getting stale is a nice skill to have.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  5. #5
    Banners90's Avatar
    Banners90 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need some serious Help!

    Leave it be. As other guys have suggested any further action to sway things your way may prove fatal (in relationship sense :P.) What you need is a bit of faith right now. Faith in what will follow will be the best thing for you, and her.

    You stay together; all good mate. This sh*t may make things stronger between you. All power to the both of you.

    If you stop dating and remain friends it still isn't over. Just keep talking to her, as friends, maybe some subtle flirting thrown in. Over time she could start to have feelings again. It's worked for me. Just got to be persistent but not too pushy.

    Alternatively, with time, feelings for her in that sense may go completely. Thus allowing you to find someone else.


    Just saying dude, see what happens and try to see the best in it.
    PER ARDUA AD ALTA


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