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  1. #1
    archard's Avatar
    archard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Critique my messages please

    Hey everyone. So, I've got a profile on Match, POF, and OKCupid. The profile itself seems to be decent, I'm getting a decent amount of views, but I'm not getting the responses I'd like from women I'm interested in.

    I get a lot of women I'm not interested in emailing or winking at me, and even saying how 'refreshing' or 'different' my profile is, but when I email a woman I'm interested in, I'm not getting responses from either a first email or a 'no response' follow-up I send out.

    I'm a big fan of Scot McKay, so I've tailored my profile and way of messaging after his. I'm not really into straight up copying & pasting messages, but I'm not opposed to taking something and changing it up or putting my own spin on it.

    Anyway, my messages below are in Scot's suggested format. Basically you quote something from her profile and comment on it, make a joke/be witty about it, etc. and then sign off, just creating some intrigue or something for her to respond to.

    I think I'm coming up with some good and/or funny stuff, but like I said, I'm not really getting responses. So if anyone can give me some pointers or any advice, I'd appreciate it.

    ------------------------

    First messages I've sent:

    1. QUOTE: "a late night movie or law and order all-night marathon"

    So, who delivers the better one-liners, Lennie or Horatio? [laughs]

    Friends,
    Pete

    I took the quote straight from a part of her profile. Lennie is from Law & Order and Horatio is from CSI: Miami (I figured she'd probably watch that show too). Anyway, I got no response from this.

    2. You know, Im rarely at a loss for words, but youve succeeded at giving me absolutely nothing to go on in your profile. [laughs]

    Come on I sense theres an interesting woman in there somewhere. Lets hear about her.

    Friends,
    Pete

    I've used this one several times when a woman has very little or nothing interesting in her profile. I've gotten no responses from this one either.

    3. OK, curiosity is getting the best of me here. Exactly what species of furry mammal are you and your friend wearing on your heads?

    Friends,
    Pete

    Used this when her and her friend had on strange animal hats. No response.

    4. QUOTE: "I substitute teach and bartend until I teach full time in the fall."

    I'd say you're preparing yourself pretty well. You're gonna need to pour yourself a stiff one every night after teaching science to a bunch of highschoolers all day, huh?

    Friends,
    Pete

    Quote was pulled from her profile and she mentioned she had a degree in biology. Nothing from this one either.

    5. Ok, let's talk about awesome concerts. You go first...

    Friends,
    Pete

    She mentioned she loved music and live shows. Got nothing from this one.

    6. QUOTE: "I love road trips and just having fun!!"

    Alright, so let's get creative... My truck is packed up and we're headed out on the road. Where's our destination and what's on the agenda?

    Friends,
    Pete

    No response from this one either.

    7. QUOTE:"and my favorite.. laying on the beach with a good book and a cold beer."

    As long as it's not Twilight and Michelob Ultra, we can be friends. Haha.

    Cheers,
    Pete

    And again, crickets...

    8. QUOTE: "Food is pretty much my passion. I love to eat and I especially love to cook."

    I've been getting into cooking some interesting things recently. We should have an Iron Chef battle in my kitchen. Haha.

    Friends,
    Pete

    Nothing from this one either.

    9. QUOTE:"I double majored in a predominately male career field; so I'm tougher than I look."

    Wait, so you're telling me you're a pro wrestler? Have you hit anyone with a chair yet? Haha.

    Friends,
    Pete

    She's a thin little blonde woman, I thought this one was pretty funny, but no response.

    ------------------------

    My no response follow-up message:

    Hey, look. I've noticed that a lot of sharp women online tend to wait for a guy to notice them, and then they wait for them to remember them and email them a second time. I'm one of those guys and this is your second email.

    - Pete

    I send this 4-5 days after the first email when they don't respond.


    Sorry this is so farking long, but any and all help would be appreciated. Also, my name on POF is: Open-Horizons if you're interested in seeing my profile.

  2. #2
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Critique my messages please

    Okay first thing is first. Don't use that sign-off. You aren't friends, if you immediately call yourself friends it either - weird, not welcomed and you become no friend at all, cute but gets you quickly friendzoned and more shit tests than you'll be able to handle.

    What you want to do is be contradictory and make her laugh. If I were to use that method of signing out. (And honestly I prefer no signature at all or quoting for that matter nowadays. I used to quote them often too and get little to no responses.) Anyway if I was going to use that signature every message I sent would be negging messages. I would tease her endlessly and then say "Friends, -Sly." See how much more confident that seems. And if she likes the message a zinger at the end is all the more intriguing.

    Okay onto your messages:

    1. no

    You come off too average. You SEEM fun. Yes I'll give you that. But you aren't out of the ordinary. Think about it, any other guy that has that same thing in common with her could've asked her the same question.

    Girls secretly like 'silly hypocrites' in my opinion. You don't have to do this but sometimes I enjoy teasing them for liking something that I like too. So when they find out I like it later we can play fight over it and I can get some kino in. Yes I plan that far ahead!

    Anyway something better would've been to neg her for thinking she was some sort of crime solver. If you could use that idea and come up with something witty then it might've worked better.

    2. no

    This one doesn't work at all because you immediately qualify her. She now knows without ever speaking to you that you are a pushover. And did I mention the signature...ugh! Sorry to bring it up but it makes short AFC messages like this look 10x as bad :/ and I'm not sayijng I'm the master here dude I'm just pointing out things that I can see myself, and if I can see them and I'm not the greatest then just imagine..lol

    Moving on though, the other problem here is that you are asking her to pour out stuff about her, but it's pretty vague when you think about it. She kind of just shrugs it off as TOO much to think about for such an average message. If you are at a loss. How many other guys are too? You can't be at a loss. If she's a 1-5 with low self esteem and just wants a super nice guy then sure. But if you are trying to get better at being a PUA and have success with HB7-10's then you are simply not allowed to be at a loss for words.

    3. yes

    This is MUCH better than 1&2. That's what I mean by yes. Sure it garnered no response. But look at the playfulness. It's short and honestly without seeing the picture I just chuckled at the phrase "species of furry mammal". You could do better if you teased her somehow. But I did like your voice here. It comes off as YOU. And I don't even know you, but I can tell it was a much more natural thought apttern for you than your others.

    4. no

    Not classy to assume women want to get drunk. I'm sure she does, but unless she's complaining about a long day or has a picture on her profile of her at the bar with a stiff drink, then I wouldn't put words in her mouth per-se. Especially not right away. You haven't even had a convo and you're already suggesting she should have a drink! Save that for when you take her to dinner

    5. no

    You gave her the ball on an open ended question. That's such a huge topic. Same thing applies from before here too: too vague and relatively AFC = too much work for something not unique. Anybody can ask her about concerts.

    Why not suggest she's a rockstar instead and inquire about her touring life. Something fun.

    I found out recently while texting a girl that this doesnt work at all btw (open ended questions asking about her real life interests). It really scared me too. Because it wasnt a first message, I'm actually dating her so having realized I sent something so AFC makes me realize I was probably in AFC-mode and had sent several others and thus she wasn't responding much. You'd be surprised how little she responds after a few mistakes like that. If I hadn't already showed her a good confident and funny side previously she would be done before it ever started, and even still she might be disinterested in me, I'm still figuring that one out...

    6. yes

    Going out on a limb here but I'm going to say if you didnt have that signature and your profile showed the same sort of carefree fun and sort of ridiculous (imaginative) cocky-funny behavior, then she would've responded.

    Try to look at these one's I said yes to and mimic the attitude.

    7. maybe

    Played it wrong! Good idea for detailing her thoughts and describing them with lame stuff. But you should've turned it on her instead of saying let's be friends as long as you don't have crappy taste.

    Could've been more like "So I take it you sit out in the sun reading twilight and drinking michelob. Classyyyy. I prefer calvin and hobbes and a juice box myself, but you know, whatever floats your boat dork-pants. :P"

    Off the top of my head, but just try to see the approach at humor/teasing. That's what I'm trying to exude here. You see the small tweak to your idea that makes it even more playful and unique and you even show her you can make fun of yourself (a quality any woman likes. If you haven't try to go through lots of PUA info and just identify qualities that all women want. I like to call them safezone-qualities. To allude to them is always a good idea.

    8. maybe

    Again, played it wrong. Neg her instead! "Oh a cook huh? I remember when I poured my first bowl of cereal. I'm going out on a limb here but...I'm pretty sure I would wreck you in an Iron Chef battle "

    This is a more direct approach but if it worked you would at least know she's slightly more interested than most girls that message you back because it was more cocky than funny and she still accepted it. You can't play them all perfectly, just go with your gut. That one told me to tease her hard so that's what I came up with. Get it?

    9. Yes

    By message 10 you've improved vastly. Look at the message you sent. And then look at the signature...it doesn't even belong anymore. You surpassed that super friendly AFC attitude for the moment. It wasn't enough of a tease and bash to use it in a sarcastic way though so I'dve left it out still. Also, she is saying she's tough. That coming from a woman means "no dainty-friends bullcrap please". You offer the idea of friends and it's a dlv here.


    Hope this all helped dude. You will be okay. One thing I like about Match is after 30 days it deletes your message. Buy the "read notifications" too so you can check your outbox and see if the messages are even getting read yet. One thing I know is a woman will at least click on all her messages. So if she's not reading it, then you can check their profile and probably will see it's because she hasn't been online in weeks or longer.

    Also, if they do read it and don't respond within 48hours then I assume they aren't interested. If it was just a downright gorgeous girl who I wholeheartedly thought would be goofy enough to be a match for me then I would try again when my old message disappeared and pray she doesn't remember it haha. Also I sent three messages one month apart each to one girl and she finally logged on and got the 3rd one. I was SO happy because I remember 1 and 2 were horrifically afc. and it so happens the 3rd one was on point and fun.

    I guess it would be good to give you the example but she had a picture of her using a lightsaber to battle her friend and so I knew she was a hottie but a dork too so I just went with "I'm just going to throw this on the table, but I bet I'd whoop your ass in a jedi fight! Just saying!" Same concept as that one I tried to tweak for you above haha. Proof it works, because I ended up with her number and k-closed...relationshi p status still pending...hahaha. But I can't say it was my first message that ruined it eh!

    Good luck my dude.

  3. #3
    archard's Avatar
    archard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Critique my messages please

    Sly, that's some really solid advice and helps out a lot. I really appreciate it!

    Messages 3, 6 and 9 are my favorites of the bunch, so I'm glad to hear I'm kind of on the right track with those. I really like your take on number 7 also, much more playful.

    I get your point about the 'friends' signature thing, so I'm gonna ditch that.

    Yeah, I'm glad I've got the email read notification thing on Match. Let's me know they're at least reading my messages and not just completely blowing me off. Haha!

    Do you ever send a follow-up if they don't respond or do you always wait the 30 days before sending another message?

    Alright, I'm off to get some more practice in.

    Thanks again man!

  4. #4
    Slybootsucci is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Critique my messages please

    Np man just trying to give back. The more good karma I can get rolling the sooner/faster it will all come back around to me.

    As for your question on a follow-up. I never follow up if they havent read it. I will once in a while follow up if they did read it and seem rather active, and especially if you can see the large amount of AFC from your first message. Occasionally the follow up is nonrelated and I just try to start a new thread completely. Other times I relate it and start a little shit just to get a response lol. You know the feeling I'm sure...it's like okay, she's clearly not into it, but then that means you can give ANYTHING a try at that point.

    So why not pull out a risky backhanded comment. A bitchy reply is better than none in my opinion. One time I slighty offended a girl with my wording and had intended to make it SEEM one way when I meant another lol. When I explained to her that I study human behavior and was interested in her reaction and meant no harm she suddenly became intrigued. At least after that minor hiccup I had a chance to game her instead of never getting a response at all or even a chance to talk. It's my theory that the biggest bitch shields take a mini "lovers quarrel" type argument to even break into and then you have to talk your way out of it and back in. Huge hassle. But in theory you can game a girl that was 100% disinterested into maybe giving you her number.

    Dont go around giving yourself a bad rep though. I'd LOVE to give a few girls with awful profiles but good looks a taste of their own bitch medicine but generally if I get no reponse I move on and keep messaging and checking for new matches daily. When the old bitches show back up I'll give it a shot again if it's been a while otherwise I overlook them until that time comes.

  5. #5
    urbancowboy is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Critique my messages please

    Not really a fan of the beautiful personalized msgs style but one thing I can tell you to do is sign off like this:
    -Pete
    instead of the more formal
    Cheers, Pete

    But only do that on the first msg. Re-introduce yourself later after you have rapport (e.g. By the way, I'm Pete) to see if she gives you her name back. That's also when you wanna ask for her number, assuming you got her name. Best of luck. Urbancowboy out!

  6. #6
    archard's Avatar
    archard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Critique my messages please

    Hey guys. Life kind of threw me a curveball, so I haven't had much time to practice my messaging the last couple weeks. I'm getting back into it though.

    Sly, I like your take on the follow-up message. That's something I haven't seen before, but looks good. I think I'll put my own spin on it and see how it goes.

    Urbancowboy, thanks for the response. What kind of messages do you send? Do you use a more general kind of opener?

    I've removed the 'friends' and 'cheers' thing from my signature and I'm just using my name now, so we'll see if that helps things.

    Thanks again guys!


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