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  • 1 Post By I.M.Mortal

Thread: So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

  1. #1
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Arrow So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

    Please, No condescending, No verbal bullying, and No replying without a specific answer.

    JUST A STRAIGHT CUT TO THE CHASE ANSWER TO MY QUESTION PLEASE.


    Here's my question:

    What should I do next to increase my odds of getting this girl out?
    HERE'S THE TEXT CONVERSATION SO FAR:

    ME: Sat, July 13, 2013
    Hey, hope the past couple of days have been awesome for you! Mixture of work and adventure on my end, but glad the weekend is here. Listen, we should grab an ice cream or something and chill. What's your schedule like next week?

    SHE: (Same day)
    Hah you're always full of adventures. Next week I'm free for the most part



    THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND:
    *This is a girl I approached and started a conversation with a few months back (in winter) on campus.
    *We've hung out a lot.
    *I got affectionate with her from the very first day.
    *She was uncomfortable at first since she's super quiet and shy, but I opened her up very quickly and teased her about it the next day when she wanted to be around me. *The ONLY time I hung out with her outside of campus was once when I gave her a ride home and we stopped for lunch on the way at a buffet then sat in front of her (and her parents') house for 6 hours chatting, being affectionate, and flirting, etc.
    *That same night she told me earlier that she doesn't like to be touched (despite the fact she didn't seem to mind after the first time I got very affectionate with her and later that evening when I took her home).
    *She hates and avoids talking on the phone and will text back if you call
    *Another thing is that she's bad at returning texts. After school closed, I gave her a month break then texted her again and she apologized for not replying (consistently) the first times.
    *Our personalities also click very well... but I wont get into specifics since EVERYONE SAYS THAT and it's probably not important.


    I'm going on day two since I haven't replied and this is the one week where I'm sure to have free time, so please answer this question in a timely matter. Thanks for any replies

  2. #2
    Tow
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    Default Re: So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

    That's what I would do (but you should maybe wait for an answer of an more experienced member^^):

    You've mentioned the ice cream. You should text her something like:

    "I am heading out for some ice cream at [add specific Gelateria]. You should join me at 14:17/15:22 (some time which is not a common time like 15:15/15:20)"

    I hope I could give you some ideas.

    @experienced members: Feel free to correct me, if I have advised him wrongly.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

    Thanks, but I already delivered my own reply before seeing this. I'll just say the result is I may once again have to move on to a new girl. Lets see if she ever responds...

    In case anyone is wondering, this is what I put:

    ME: "Craving pizza! Lets meet tomorrow at 6:43, grab a bite of pizza and go somewhere cool. Bring your headphones + mp3 player and be ready to have fun working with some cool music."

    She and I connect with an unusual style of music and the fact that I have dj mixing software that she wants to learn, which is why I put that otherwise seemingly odd line at the end. So I had a reason for saying exactly what I said. But maybe there is a more correct way of saying it that I didn't think of.

    There are times that it's taken her a day or two to respond, so we'll see what happens. Last time she waited until the day after an event I invited her to to reply with a long text. I think I should have stuck with my first instincts and simply let her go. #NoNewFriends | At least she and I had a good four month run of being friends. I should let the bipolar girl (who I haven't discussed about here yet) go as well. As a matter of fact, I really should only keep women I'm not interested in as friends and let the rest go until I find one I like that's both worth keeping and easier to understand.

    I don't wanna be a player no more, but until I learn how to have long term success with women I'm interested in, I have no choice but to go from girl to girl and enjoy multiple encounters while each moment lasts.

    As far as texting, I wish texting wasn't such a hassle. Those who can "get it," count your blessings. Although there are many who claim that I'm not nearly as bad as I think. But if it were up to me, I would eliminate texting and private messaging and do EVERYTHING in person. Texting women properly has way too many complicated rules to get right. It's like trying to understand mathematical proofs in geometry.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

    @Tow: By the way, the fact that your reply text style is very similar to mine despite the fact that I didn't see your reply before texting the girl back with what I posted above means too many guys are learning this stuff. Therefore, I'm sure this stuff is no longer original and plenty of girls are getting the same type of texts (and probably beginning to realize that something is up).

    Does this mean that it's time I go back to "just being myself?" lol

    I'm sure it's weird if a girl receives 8 different similarly styled texts saying meet me at some odd numbered time. It may be funny to them the first time, though.

  5. #5
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

    Hey Konnect,

    I feel you about being a player. People "play" for different reasons. Some guys just got out of a divorce and have no intentions of settling and want to be like a bee and go from flower to flower, some players are former AFC who had a girlfriend who cheated on them and they are looking to improve themselves so they can get through the female filters and find a girl. At times, even it tires me out.

    As for "being yourself." I recommend Mark Manson, a top rated coach, who has a really good program and book out that teaches true confidence. One of the things he teaches is being a PUA who relies too much on gimmicks/techniques is not good because you are "performing" or putting on an "act." When you put on this act, you will attract a certain type of woman who is attracted to that act. When you finally drop the act that you cannot keep up forever, that attraction is gone. According to Manson, the reliance on PUA gimmicks is regressive to confidence because it causes anxiety, one to overthink, and you are subconsciously telling yourself "You are not good enough." True confidence entails showing vulnerability and authenticity and he teaches how to use it to powerful effect. I have actually used his stuff and it helps greatly. Not only does it helps solidify your confidence, but you don't have to worry about straining your brain on mastering PUA techniques etc. I often like to compare this to a soft style martial art like Aikido or Tai Chi that harnesses 'ki' as opposed a physical technique based martial art such as MMA.

    Texting - I'm actually from old school 80's where I'm a proponent of calling. Too much reliance on texting kills social skills. When I hear of high school student these days standing 10 feet from each other texting, that's when I know there is a problem. But the fact that women love texting, guys are forced to play a text game. (As I always say, don't hate the player, hate the game).

    The only recommendation I can suggest to you when setting date is show that you know what you want, you are a take charge kind of guy, don't be wishy washy. That is a universal rule.

    I wouldn't worry about too many guys using a certain line too much (at least right now). The player community is actually small in comparison to most of the male population (that don't have technique nor confidence). But with the number of dating coaches out there I guesstimate that in a few years, this community will grow as fast as how martial arts and MMA grew.

    BTW - Do yourself a favor and lose the bipolar chick. You don't need something unhealthy like that in your life.

  6. #6
    Konnect Life is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

    The place where I lack confidence is in texting. Unfortunately life puts me in situations where I have no choice but to use texting to keep in touch. Problem is there is no room for error because once you send the text, THAT'S IT.

    You cannot go back and fix it.

    Yes, you could sit back and wait until you are absolutely positive you've said the right thing the right way, but then again, even waiting or taking too long is the wrong thing to do because either she loses attraction over time or you miss the free time that was available for hanging out.

    Another thing I've mentioned here on this forum is that I have autism spectrum disorder. Therefore, over thinking and over analyzing is "built in" to my brain. After the bullying and teasing I've had throughout my jr and high school years due to being different and thinking different and being more intelligent than average in a bad neaighborhood / school in the southeast, I developed social anxiety. I overcame (most of my) social anxiety just about a year ago (which was around the same time I went crazy meeting a bunch of women).

    I find it ironic that the FIRST woman I met while hiking and successfully kept in touch with outside of school was the bipolar girl. Funny how life works... And since I was fairly new to all this, I didn't really know that it was much of a big deal when she told me the first day we met that she was bipolar. All I was thinking was "I'm finally having social success and making friends!" It was even more exciting due to the fact that people on the autism spectrum normally have trouble making friends and rarely find a mate due to the fact that autism directly affects social skills. You could imagine how good it felt to become successful in social and dating life despite having BOTH social anxiety disorder AND autism spectrum disorder, a double hold back!

    Anyway, while I've managed to use certain aspects of PUA and make it a natural part of my personality, I still have trouble texting. At least I feel like I still have trouble texting. Not sure if it's just my old ways of thinking lingering around despite the fact that I've improved drastically...

    And as far as the bipolar girl, would it be fair for me to reject / cut her off when I myself am on the autism spectrum? I remember back when I got depressed I used to also disappear and cut people off and cancel plans, etc. So, I cannot really blame her for doing these things to me now (even though I don't really believe in "karma").

  7. #7
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    Default Re: So what do i do next? (asking out through text)

    Okay, thanks for clarifying the autism part and the bipolar girl. That kinda changes things up a little.

    That's some rough stuff, but sounds like you came far. So gratz for getting as far as you did.

    Ok so let's talk about texting. There are a lot of rules of textings (too many too mention here) that are important especially those to prevent flaking, looking needy, etc, etc.

    So say hypothetically, she doesn't answer. No matter how good your text is there is a chance that the girl will not answer because it depends on her emotional state at that time and the girl herself. Maybe she got into an argument with a friend, got her grades back and it's bad, etc.

    Keep trying BUT don't try hard. Don't overplan or overthink it. Just throw it out there that you will be doing xxx and inviting her. "Hey I'm gonna be [here] why don't come meet me." I call this "Fire and Forget." Bobby Rio who wrote a good guide on texting and gave an an example where he was seriously dating a girl and there was another girl he liked. Over the course of the month, he just randomly texted the other inviting her out as a friend. She always said she couldn't so technically he never felt rejection since it wasn't formal and zero investment. Couple months down the line, he threw her a text inviting her to a Halloween Party and to his surprise she came out and went home with him. There are tons of examples of this happening to people.

    Bottom line: you don't know a girl's commitments or state of mind at that time she receives your text. A woman's emotions can change from moment to moment. You have no clue what's going on in her life at the time you text her. If she says "no" or she can't. Well, you try again but keep it playful. Her life changes on a day to day basis and alot of time it's about timing - catching her at the right moment. She might really like you, but it might be a bad time for her.

    It is important to try to keep it playful. PLAYFUL PERSISTENCE, like you don't care, as in not expecting a response. If you like a certain girl, keep pursuing her but just don't take it so seriously. Eventually, you might be surprised.

    The only time you would stop texting her is if she tells you stop texting her or she has a boyfriend.

    As for the bipolar girl, if she is a friend that never went apesh1t crazy on you and bring you down, then definitely keep her at least a friend. To have her as anything more, that will depend solely on you - your feelings/attraction towards her and what she can bring to complement your life and make you happy.


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