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  1. #1
    Szass is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Need help to not becoming close friend.

    Hi ;

    I just meet a girl who is one of my close friend's friend at facebook. We messaged for a week than decides to meet. Our first coffee was gone smooth. I was proud of myself than nightmare began.

    She started to think we are going too fast, i told her relax and it wasnt working. She started to tell she enjoyed every second with me, she thought me when we werent talking, she allready told she was feeling me as her boyfriend but than she doesnt know about her feelings. We keep making plans together but i started to feel i am loosing her as lover. Or maybe i allready did.


    Sadly i didnt follow the rules at right moment and probably act like an AFC
    What will i do now ? Will cooling work ? Or any good suggestion?
    I allready start to not message her for start talking, as first act. we allready have a plan for saturday night.

    thanks

  2. #2
    PUAKevin is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help to not becoming close friend.

    What's the current situation?

    If this situation occurs again than make sure you keep the attraction going but slow down a little bit. Don't slow down as much as to not meeting up again, but make sure there are some days without contact. If she initiates more, then that's your sign to escalate more.

  3. #3
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need help to not becoming close friend.

    If she feels like things are rushing too quickly, then you probably have not done enough to build up rapport. I would agree in taking things down a notch. In addition, you should start going back to try and build up more rapport with her. Remember, it's also okay to break rapport when you don't agree with her on something.

    Unless she has stopped responding to your messages, and unless she has stopped saying yes to your invites, then you have not lost her yet. You still have a shot with her, so don't worry too much about it.

    With that being said, I am interested in hearing more as well.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  4. #4
    Magnum is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need help to not becoming close friend.

    Sounds like she's "in love with being in love" rather than necessarily with you. While the symptoms she describes are commonly associated with attraction and falling for someone, they're almost too strong, like she's obsessive, and getting scared by her own thoughts. I'm guessing she's inexperienced?

    That doesn't mean it can't work out, but do be prepared that if and when it does she might become clingy.

    Best to do what PUAKevin and Swagman suggest overall, but make sure your focus is on contacting her less and leaving her room to want to contact you. IF this girl is feeling the way you describe she's acting, then if you disappear for a bit she'll be alone with her own thoughts (which you describe as already being filled with you, doesn't matter if they are conflicted thoughts, as long as they are about you) and that will drive her nuts until she has to talk to you. When she does, hold off until she sounds more insistent, not just "hey", then reward her with your attention. Don't go overboard, though, giving too much too soon might have led to buyers remorse and the conflict she's having in the first place. After that, do as they say and keep escalating at a pace to match her contact. Or if you're kinda a d1ck, leave her alone until just before she gets really desperate (or just before she gives up). If this girl is inexperienced and that quick to jump into calling you boyfriend, she may simply message more and more often until she's calling you constantly until she hears from you, at which point she'll do anything for your attention (but after all that hard work, give her the kind of attention she wants, or she'll think you're a jerk [she'd be right in that case], and again don't go overboard, give her just a little and keep her working for more little at a time as you escalate).

    Of course, if we're missing some information here, then who knows? We're only as good as what you give us....


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