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Thread: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

  1. #1
    foreverace87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    All of this has gone in a direction I never expected…

    1)My Stats: 26 years old, never married, no kids, good job, excellent shape,
    2)Her Stats: 30 years old, divorced, two kids (wait..don’t stop reading here), ok profession.. really nice body
    3)I was running online game and sarging at the same time, found her online eight months ago, I met her..liked her a lot and I never thought much of it. Then she started seeing me regularly. The sex was mindblowing and she definitely was extremely into me so I didn’t hold back. One day I was driving back from work and I realized the hell I was doing. There was a chance of her and myself to get emotional, the fact that she had kids, and this could become a major dilemma in the future. I even decided to not to spend the nights at her place, always left after being intimate which bugged the hell out of her. Lo and behold she became emotional over time and went out of her way to treat me like a king: cooking, buying me things, driving over an hour to see me. She even stopped drinking because she knew I didn’t care much for it. She started working out for me, buying new clothes for herself, always doing whatever she could to please me. She showered me with attention, gifts, sex, food etc. The biggest thing that impressed me was that she was extremely TRUSTWORTHY and she worked hard to earn my trust. Then came my worse fear, even though I kept telling myself I wasn’t being emotional, deep inside I knew I had a thing for this girl. I was digging a deeper and deeper hole for myself.
    4) Then FINALLY, I received a new assignment to a new location at work. I had realized this was the best time to break it off if I was going to do it because there was no way in hell I was going to be able to keep up with a long distance relationship. That backfired, we got CLOSER. She decided that she was going to fly to see me and do whatever she could to keep this relationship alive. She would fly to come see me every month and talk to me everyday on the phone which she DID. I was shocked. Meanwhile, she changed her phone number, lost a lot of girlfriends because all her focus was on me. She even stopped going out on the weekends and spent most of her time skyping with me. I maintained my relationships with my friends, went out regularly, worked out etc.
    5) Now, she has planned to move up here with me and would like me to accept her kids and a long term commitment. Men….with full due respect….I cannot bring myself to be a father to someone else’s kids…they have a father...and I truly deserve my own family (yea sounds selfish). She is adamant about it and said that I am being selfish and don’t love her enough. They need their own father and I cant commit to a relationship and be a father figure to kids that are over 7 years old now. Yes, I understand I cannot expect her to leave her kids but at the same time I cant take on the role of their father.
    6) There are two choices here…a)I could end this but this will devastate her and upset me. Breaking a woman's heart that has proved unconditional love for me just doesnt feel right. I will be the biggest douchebag on the earth. This however will be good for the kid’s future because they will stay with their father but in the end I will sacrifice my relationship. b) I could keep going and expect to be a father to her kids plus my own in the future. I just cannot bring myself to doing that…even at the cost of my life. I want my own kids.
    7) I am open to any ideas, criticism, advice…take a shot at it guys. I have created a critical situation for myself and am in Emergency Crisis mode right now. Let this thread be a lesson to all the men out there that ever consider dating a lady with kids.

  2. #2
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    Dude, I think you clearly know what you want, you are just afraid of hurting people in the process. Let me tell you this, you come first and you are number 1.

    You need to be honest with her, and cut all ties. If you don't want to be a father to her kids you will more than likely be a lousy one and will regret it for a long time.

    Do the tough thing...

  3. #3
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    By the way, I have been absent from the forums for a bit because of a VERY similar situation to you. I was honest to her. She got pissed, but life goes on man. It didn't last long between us, but still it is never too late to make the right choice.

  4. #4
    Onthereg888 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    Worst thing you can do is string along a single mother. Won't be easy but gotta cut ties if you aren't into her the same that she is to you.

  5. #5
    foreverace87 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuser View Post
    Dude, I think you clearly know what you want, you are just afraid of hurting people in the process. Let me tell you this, you come first and you are number 1.

    You need to be honest with her, and cut all ties. If you don't want to be a father to her kids you will more than likely be a lousy one and will regret it for a long time.

    Do the tough thing...
    Fuser,

    "you are just afraid of hurting people in the process"..spot on. You know its one thing to flick off a bitch that doesnt give a two shit about you...its extremely difficult to be this way someone who proved over and over again that she has loved me unconditionally. I am beginning to feel reallly really fuckingg guilty dude.

  6. #6
    mackdaddyjacK's Avatar
    mackdaddyjacK is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    Dude you are in an extremely tight spot. This woman won't break up with you. I have decided from now on for women to break up with me (not force it on them) so I don't break their heart. If they break up with you then it's their idea so no way their feelings can be shattered since they feel like they won. But onto your situation I think you have some serious thinking to do by yourself. Not a break from her just a real solid decision what you want out of life and out of her. She wants to settle down that much is certain, she wants you to be her new hubby which is even more certain, she might be looking for a good provider and taking slight advantage of that role you have in her life or she could actually love you without any desire to exploit your emotions. I am dating someone that has two kids as well as 10 years older than me. She won't dump me and though I am not trying to get her to dump me since I think that would be cruel she just keeps being so dang accommodating to everything I do. I tell her I can't hang out for 2 weeks so she gives me space, she texts me at the perfect times whenever I get her vm, she always returns my texts, it's just hard to say to her "hit the road" so I just allow her to stick around because if she really wants me that bad I will just allow her to have me...at least for now. I don't even know what I want fully in a wife just takes time. I think if she wants to move then let her that's her choice. Just let her know if you are not ready for a long term commitment up front so she doesn't get any bright ideas.

  7. #7
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    Quote Originally Posted by foreverace87 View Post
    Fuser,

    "you are just afraid of hurting people in the process"..spot on. You know its one thing to flick off a bitch that doesnt give a two sh1t about you...its extremely difficult to be this way someone who proved over and over again that she has loved me unconditionally. I am beginning to feel reallly really farkingg guilty dude.
    It's okay, but you are hurting her more by not being strong and ending it. This isn't about game, you have to be honest with yourself and her. Won't be easy, she will bitch, cry, and whatever. But she will ultimately thank you eventually for not making her move in with you when you didn't want that.

  8. #8
    PUcowboy's Avatar
    PUcowboy is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    Alright I really didn't read through the whole post or responses, but I will say this, you should have thought about that in the first place what could happen with this single mother. She has two kids and im sure she wants a great man to raise them, her ex is probably a piece of garbage and she wants a great quality man. Now that being said, you need to evaluate a few things. Yes there is no such thing as a time machine and you cant jump in it and run away from this problem, its here right now and you have to face it. You have already spent a lot of time with her and sexed her up and dinner and lovy dovy stuff so the damage is done. So look deep into yourself and ask yourself this question, do you love her? That is a huge question to ask yourself, but you did this, so it is something you have to be honest with. If you are, then go for it, I understand it isn't that easy so be straight up with her if you are in fact in love with her and let you know how you are feeling. On the other hand, if you don't and you just want her for the p-tang then stop doing what your doing, be straight forward with her no farting around and break it to her. She will be devastated, hate you forever, trust no man even more and have a lot more emotional baggage for the next nice guy that comes around that truly wants her, but if you don't want her then that is what you have to do. Now on the whole she already has kids thing, two kids is not a huge deal, you can always have more of your own kids with her, I say if you love her, learn to love her kids

  9. #9
    badboy89129 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Broke a MAJOR rule...how do I recover?

    It sounds like you found a codependent single mother. If you aren't willing to commit to this woman then let her move on and find someone that is willing to commit to her. You will be doing yourself a HUGE favor and doing her an even bigger favor. She isn't getting any younger and she wants/needs someone that will make that commitment to her.


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