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  • 1 Post By BatMan
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Thread: Need urgent advice, plz!

  1. #1
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Need urgent advice, plz!

    Hey guys,

    So, I met a really cool girl at salsa last week and have been trying to hook up with her.

    After the course, we all stayed for some drinks at a nearby pub and got to know each other a bit. She told me she really loves traveling with a backpack to exotic destinations. Her last trip was to Mexico with her sister, so I don't think she has a bf or anything. I used this topic as an opportunity to tell her how I am fascinated by Japan and am planning to go there next year. She seemed very interested and was listening with a bit of "admiration". Then, some other people joined the discussion and she disappeared out of the blues without saying bye to anyone.

    I found her on the salsa class' facebook group and told her it was nice chatting with her and that we should go to more salsa classes together. Also told her that she left before we could exchange contact details (I gave her my phone number using this pretext).

    She replied within 3-4 hours with the following text:

    "Hey there. yes, it was indeed nice meeting you yesterday and talking to you. I like people who have a passion like you for Japan.
    Yeah, I left quite quickly. Sorry. I suddenly felt super tired. Not sure I wanna go to the other party tonight…
    Sure, let me know about the salsa
    Enjoy the rest of your weekend."


    No phone number of course...

    Anyway, I texted her again yesterday to tell her that this will be my last weekend before I leave for holidays and that I wanted to visit some cool Japanese pagodas in the city outskirts. Of course, I invited her to join me.

    Again, it didn't take her too long to reply. She replied:

    "Hi. it's a great idea but I will be in "x city" this weekend. Sorry
    Will you leave "city we live in"? For how long?
    Take care and see you soon."


    So, do you guys think I am on to something or is it a waste of time?

    Also, I leave on holidays for 3 weeks, so she might forget about me after so long. Shouldn't I leave a lasting impression on her? I know she lives in the same neighborhood. Should I invite her for after-work drinks in my reply to her last message or will it seem too desperate?

    Thanks a lot in advance for your advice, mates.
    Cheers!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice, plz!

    There doesn't seem to be any attraction on her part. She is simply being friendly. You got to crank up the attraction material. Like using push/pull.

    First you found her on the FB group and initiated. Then you told her that you should go to another salsa class together. Then invited her out to the Japanese pagodas. Now you're thinking of sending another invite. That's 4 pulls on your part and I see no push. You are sending out The Vibe that you may be easy to get. You have to make yourself a challenge. Not to mention that the underlying tone that's happening is that you are rewarding her behavior of rejecting your advances of asking her out .....by asking her out even more. It's time to push my friend. Time to push her away emotionally.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  3. #3
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice, plz!

    Thanks a lot man, that helps!

    As suggested, I will push her off for the time being. I replied with a very short text where I pushed aside the issue of the Japanese pagodas and stated where I am going for holidays and that I can't wait to leave.

    That should do for now. I am thinking of re-initiating in September with just a " hey xxx, I have come back from country x. It was really cool relaxing at the coast all this time How have you been?"

    However, I suspect she will reply with something vague and will leave it up to me to invite her somewhere.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice, plz!

    Pep,

    The root of the problem here is the first meeting. I am a firm believer that seduction starts at "hello." In your instance, based on what you described, there was no attraction when you first met her. Talking about something you mutually have in common is not attraction in it itself. One of my coaches told me a story where he was at a dorm party and he struck up a conversation with a cool chick on some obscure nutritional/diet something they have in common. He thought "Wow cool conversation! This is going well." Then the girl excused herself and never came back. So he waited and finally went upstairs to look for her and found her in a room blowing off a guy. As an AFC, I had similar experiences where I met a cool chick, we find out with have a common interest (singing) and feel I should use it as a "direct" way to see her again.

    Well...It doesn't work that way. You are subcommunicating to her logic that "you like x, I like x, and therefore, we should do it together." This doesn't translate to attraction. And we all know women's attraction is not based on logic. You had to demonstrate your attraction at that moment.

    The fundamentals of seduction were missing - no flirting, sexual escalation, Kino, and you need to make your intentions known with confidence. If you get rejected, so what? You now know you are incompatible in some form and you can move on and not waste your time.

    So in the future, don't make this mistake.

    As for what to do now, various coaches/experts will tell you different tactics. There is no secret formula that will guarantee your success but there are certain basics.

    I agree with BatMan said there's been too much pulls and you endanger yourself by looking too available.

    Me personally, I usually make my texts to her to demonstrate how fun I am using what is known as "future fantasy projection" Something so off the wall and absurd but hints sexual innuendo. But it's something I naturally do. In your case, it would be something to the extent of "I got a brilliant idea. let's fly to Tibet, climb the Himalyans, cuddle in cave by a campfire, and find Bigfoot and escape on an avalache."

    Whatever you do, because the attraction was found on bad footing, you need to do something with high risk/high reward. It comes back to the old adage if you really like a girl, you need to be ready to lose her.

  5. #5
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice, plz!

    Hey guys,

    I am "reviving" this thread as there was a new turn of events.

    As suggested above, I didn't the contact the girl again and went on with my businees. Met other HBs in the meatime, left on holidays and almost forgot about her.

    Then, the other day (on my birthday actually), I got an email from her with the following message:
    "Happy Birthday, x (my name)!
    Have a great day. Enjoy!
    Hope to see you soon.

    Rgds
    Y (her name)"

    It's funny that she wrote to me again (she probably found out about my birthday from the website we are both members of - we get birthday notifications, facebook style).
    I guess that the game is still on.

    How should I deal with this situation? thank her briefly and tell her that we should stay in touch, but that I will be kinda busy at work in september (which is true)?

    The problem is that I will be really busy for the two coming months and that I will not have much time to game in general. I might get some free time during week-ends but I don't want her to flake me again like last time. She is really cute, but I don't know how to secure a date with her. I won't even have time to go to salsa, so I won' be able to see her that way...

    Thanks in advance for any advice, mates!
    Cheers

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice, plz!

    I think this is just a friendly happy bday. Sending her the message about staying in touch may work. But it really depends on her intentions. If she was just being friendly then you could lose points for taking her message too far and it'll push her away. If she is interested than she may take you up on your offer.

    Again, my guess is that she is just being friendly. But I think it's worth the risk to find out for sure. Send her the message, but keep your expectations low.
    "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth."

  7. #7
    pepito is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice, plz!

    Mmmm, you might be right, but I still wonder why she bothered writing to me. I am just some random dude she met one night at salsa class. It is not likely that we will meet again (unless I ask her out), so what's the point?

    I would certainly not have written to her on her bday and most of the people I have met at similar events have not written to me either. So, in my book, I think she is somewhat interested but just curious at this stage. I made a good impression on that day but i was not flirty, so she is still hesitating.

    Anyway, the key to gaming is not having any expectations. If it works, it works. No regrets and no disappointement whatever happens.

    I will just reply politely and thank her, and disappear for a couple of weeks. Then, I will write back to ask if she is still interested in visiting those japanese pagodas. How does that sound?

    Cheers

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Need urgent advice, plz!

    You are right about not having expectations. I had my fair share of letdowns.

    I think the only way to way to really know is ask her out and not play a waiting game. According to Mark Manson, the way he asks a girl out and demonstrates true confidence is it's either a "fvck yes, or no." He said he never had a girl flake on him because when he N-closes he sets the date right there. If he gets the classical "I'm busy" he will ask her "well when are you not busy?" If he gets the run around, he says politely "You know what? Don't worry about it. You're not excited enough. It was nice meeting you." Sometimes the girl will say "Wait, wait, wait!"

    It's really a no bullsh1t, cut and dry, dhv method.

    The reason why I hesitate to advise on these long freeze-outs is several reasons:

    1. Attraction is fleeting. Women's attraction is not only mysterious, but it changes so erratically and is unpredictable. So the longer you wait, the more momentum is lost. And also, that is why alot of PUA always close for same-nite lays. They take it while it's hot.

    2. Disappearing for a few weeks...He who hesitates, masturbates. She could very meet someone else by then. You don't know the men in her life (unless you can get a good intel via social networking). Maybe there is a romantic interest already, but then you came along and snagged her attention for a bit. If you disappear, then you just gave the other guy an opening to pass you.

    Oh and I just re-read the starting post and realized you didn't get her number right? You need to get that. FB email is really a 3rd tier way of communicating seduction. If she doesn't give you her number, then well, now you know.


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