Pickup Arts helps us how to get the kind of women that we desire with many different styles and tactics. However, many share the same fundamentals across all methods. One of these universal fundamentals is being calm and coolheaded in every situation. To prepare ourselves for what an HB may throw at us and know how to turn it around to build massive attraction. It's such a great skill to have and really tough to master. Lets face it, we can't predict all scenarios we'll face and if we see her as a HB10, chances are she's on a pedestal that will shake our very foundation of game. Lots of AFCs fail these miserably by reacting to her. I'm glad that even amateur PUAs realize the importance of being calm, cool, and collected in a situation to show that we control the situation by controlling ourselves. But has it gone too far?...
I noticed alot of PUAs, even experienced ones, talk about being unaffected about a woman's behavior. But does it seem right to keep your cool if she has flaked on you 4 times? If she insults you in front of her friends or yours? If she has a convo with her ex via cellphone while on YOUR date? What about if she mentions something about your mom? That's right....."yo momma" jokes.
At that point what does keeping your cool head really translate to in her perception? In my opinion...it translates to weakness. That she can get away with all of this behavior because she knows you're "cool with everything." So what I hope to accomplish with this thread is to show you how and when to put your foot down when your lady is misbehaving.
The Way to Handle Most Issues
We already have a simple system in place called the Punishment/Reward system. Many of you may already know about this, but I'll do a quick recap.
The best way to punish behavior is with indifference. By removing your attention, or minimizing your attention to about 10%, you are showing her that you are unwilling to entertain such nonsense. This method will handle most of your issues with your woman. But not all. I'll explain later.
The way you want to reward behavior you like is with your attention, affection, and even your touch. Kiss her when she cooks for you. Compliment her on her new sexy outfit. Cuddle with her when she opens up about her feelings. If you can imagine removing all these things during her misbehavior I'm sure you'll understand how uncomfortable she will be very quickly and will want those things back.
Timing is Everything
It's best to wait until after she cares about you leaving out of her life. In the beginning things are fun and light hearted. Any confrontation you do will likely be met with rolling eyes and a look that says "this guy is drama." Which is why it's important to master keeping your cool in the beginning. But if she starts to care, doesn't want you upset with her and risk losing you, then this is a really good time to start showing her that some of her behavior is unacceptable.
Sometimes you have to get verbal. Direct. Even loud sometimes. The first trick about this is knowing WHEN to pick a fight. If you blow your lid on every little mishap then you just become a whiny child. If you prematurely confront her with something without getting as much detail as possible then you risk looking like a fool while she smiles at you for being "so cute when you're angry." It's important to really understand what you're getting angry about. Make sure to ask about as much details on the situation BEFORE you confront her.
"So you mean to tell me that you not only went out with your friends when you said we were going out, but you ran into your ex and shared some drinks together. Then what happened?" This is all said with a stern voice to prepare yourself, and her, for the hell that is about to come to her front door when you finally confront her. That's some tension building, lemme tell ya.
Put Her in the Mood
This is about something I like to call "Receptive Mode." You see, if your lady is out with the family, having a good time, and you shoot her a text or call about how she made you upset then you risk her just scowfing and saying she'll talk to you later. Now YOU have become the reactive one.
Instead you have to put her in "Receptive Mode." A really good way to do this is to give her the cold shoulder. Indifference is not the cold shoulder. Indifference makes her feel uncomfortable, but she can't tell your upset since you are still smiling and looking happy. You just aren't investing in her in any shape or form. That's just confusing. The cold shoulder is not confusing. She knows you're upset and since she cares about your happiness she WILL ask you what's wrong and you won't look weak. Why? Because you aren't pulling this stunt 5 days a week and looking like a child. Spread this out and use it sparingly. It'll have much more of an effect.
If you don't know how to pull it off it's fairly simple. Instead of saying "yes" you say "yup." Instead of "no" you say "nope." Use short, dismissive words like "Uh huh. K. Yep. Nope" and the notorious "I'm fine" popularized by women. It all conveys that something is on your mind and will help build her curiousity about what it is. Let her pick at you for a bit before telling her what's bothering you.
How to Argue
Once you have your lady who cares about your happiness, the timing is right, she's in receptive mode, and you have all the details on the situation then you are ready to confront her.
The main focus when talking is stating your standards and expectations. There is a big difference between "You need to stop doing that" vs "I don't like when people/you do that." Of course you'll slip here and there. I know I do. But if the majority of the time you are simply stating what you expect you should be fine. Telling her what to do only risks her being rebellious simply to express her freewill in the relationship. I've had a woman literally do something that she herself did not want to do simply because I told her not to do it.
The next thing that happens is probably the biggest problem when confronting your woman. You see, after I say to state your expectations you're probably visualizing her responding with "You're right. I'm sorry baby. It'll never happen again." Errrr. Wrong. Although it happens sometimes it's likely she will defend herself. I mean, you did just come at her throat!! She has to at least defend herself. So she will bite back. Hard. When this happens all YOU need to remember is that you don't have to convince her you're right. You already know you are. Realize that this is her intial reaction to the attack from you and that she will eventually calm down. Don't make it worse by getting into a screaming match and pointing out why she is wrong. Once you are both calm then you can discuss things a bit better.
And remember, if you care about her then you may have to do that dirty little word that I hate....compromise. This world isn't Burger King and you can't always have it your way. This goes back to picking your battles. Let her win the minor ones while you get the big ones. Also don't be afraid to show some emotion. Get a little angry . It'll show her that she has an affect one you, which can be a good thing, if she is a good woman or even a good girlfriend to you. Just be careful with this cause it can backfire if done carelessly.
As for justifying this, I think it's important to be able to express yourself freely to your partner. Including your anger. It helps to build a strong connection and rapport if you are comfortable enough to express yourselves to each other. There is no other way to get to a deeper level with each other than developing that comfort. Anyone who has been in a relationship where you felt that you couldn't open up to your partner knows what I'm talking about. There's always a certain distance between you two because you haven't crossed that threshold. The key is HOW you approach your anger and expressing it. And hopefully I've shed some light on this much neglected topic.
Well that's it. I just want to remind everyone that I am not a professional and am simply a man with an opinion. This post is definitely open for debate and please share your personal thoughts and feelings about your experience.