Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    RagingRacoon is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 69, Level: 1
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    11
    Points
    69
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Rate my profile please

    Hey, new here. Just wanted to know how my profile looks for this POF business. I get a lot of looks but no go on the msgs.

    I'm probably just gonna let this this thing fade out, but anyway, let me get to the point .

    I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm the best in the world, and add all kinds of things to describe myself to make me more appealing to you. You're a big girl, you can figure it out if you want to take the time to get to know me. Words are cheap, actions get the msg across much better. So I'm not going to bother.

    1) Here's the bad: I have a calm exterior, but I'm restless and sort of impulsive (If I want a Philly cheese steak from Philly I'll drive down to hilly and get one!). Mainly blunt. Once my mind is made up, that's it.I cried like a woman at the end of End of Watch, the Notebook, Warrior, AND I cried during Battle Los Angelos (How? I have no idea.) They were all manly tears though. I swear.

    2) Night time is my day time and day time is my night. Meaning when you're sleeping, I'm out working and vice versa. Figure I'd get that out of the way to avoid any "WTF SURPRISE" moments with you being the surprised one.

    3) I have no patience for flakes or fakes. The End.

    What about you? You curious about the goings on around you? Can you take a joke and not get easily offended? Because I'm kind of a****in that department and I like to joke around a lot. Sarcasm is one of God's many gifts to mankind. So if you can't use it or don't appreciate it, then you suck and can go kick rocks. If you can read, write, spell, genuinely smile, and walk while chewing bubble gum without hurting yourself or me, then we're good.


    Any advice? Should I scrap it, keep it, adjust it? What?

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 9,772, Level: 66
    Level completed: 31%, Points required for next Level: 278
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    844
    Points
    9,772
    Level
    66
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    437

    Default Re: Rate my profile please

    Bleh, looks like I just read a poorly written diary

    To start this profile renovation, let me ask you this: if you were to give a recommendation about yourself, would it be bad? Of course not! You want it to be as great as you possibly can. Why then would you say then that you have bad qualities about you? That's what I interpret when I read "Here's the bad".

    Another issue I have is with the bottom paragraph. Basically telling girls to go screw themselves if their humor is not to your liking is like telling them to not even bother with you. Don't say anything that implies that a certain crowd of people should not even bother with you. If you do, then nobody will.

    The length of this is also monstrous. I would try to keep it at one paragraph maximum. After you're all done identifying the negatives I point out and the positives you should keep, then you should have no problem narrowing it down to the finest of the fine.

    That 1-2-3 part that you have, remove all of that. It's all negativity that aims to drive people away. If there's anything that a girl may say or do that will make you say "Get the f*ck out", then leave that for them to figure out. Your profile should be interesting and funny, not covered in signs that says "No Trespassing".

    In addition, your profile should aim to invite women to interact with you. If your profile shows you as an interesting man with a promise for more, then they will want more.

    Overall, the only thing I would keep is the first paragraph. You can delete the first sentence above that, and you can trim and edit it up given what I have said and told you to get rid of. Add a little zest to the paragraph, and make it a little less stand-offish. That alone will be more than good enough to make a substantial difference in who messages you and not.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    RagingRacoon is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 69, Level: 1
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    11
    Points
    69
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Rate my profile please

    Thanks bro. It wasn't always like that. I just kept switching it up to see which one gave my the best results. This online dating stuff is much harder than I thought, lmao.

    "I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm the best in the world, and add all kinds of things to describe myself to make me more appealing to you. You're a big girl, you can figure it out if you want to take the time to get to know me. Words are cheap, actions get the msg across much better. So I'm not going to bother. If my minds set on something, that's it. I'm doing it. I'm there. Out of the blue road trip down to FLA for the weekend? Got it. Philly cheese steak from Philly, just because? On it. If I want to shed manly tears for the Notebook, Warrior, or End of Watch Endings, I'll do it-posted a youtube link of that old dude with one of the funniest crying sounds ever. Cant do it here though- like that if I want to.) Traveling is my main thing. Love seeing different parts of the world now that i have the means to. Spain, DR, Cancun, Vegas, Canada, UK, Grenada, etc. Want to do Brazil next. Feeling the World Cup...When I'm not working I'm out and about. So long as you aren't flakey, got a sense of of humor, and like to get awesome, we can kick it."

    This one better?

  4. #4
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 9,772, Level: 66
    Level completed: 31%, Points required for next Level: 278
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    844
    Points
    9,772
    Level
    66
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    437

    Default Re: Rate my profile please

    Still too long, and it's still a little stand-offish. Take out more, and try to limit it to only five sentences. The more you have, the less that anybody wants to read it.

    That last sentence has one issue with it, but then it's excellent. Take out the part about flakes, and then you should be fine. I don't like the line about Youtube. I do like the bit on traveling around the world because that shows a strong part of your personality. It shows that you are adventurous and have a life.

    The last thing I can stress is good grammar. Make sure that the sentences in your bio flow smoothly, because your last sentence is not grammatically correct. You don't have to talk about how smart you are if your sentences are well written. Women will see that and they will view you as a man who is intelligent and careful about detail.

    Go back through, re-edit it, and then let's see how it looks
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    RagingRacoon is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 69, Level: 1
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    11
    Points
    69
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Rate my profile please

    So since Tony Stark totally hijacked my spotlight as a billionaire, genius, playboy, philanthropist, I decided to create the internet. I had to start small; and it was quite challenging, but life would suck without dreams and challenges. Anyway, I'm not going to sit here and tell you I'm the best in the world, and add all kinds of things to describe myself to make me more appealing to you. You're grown, you can make that decision on your own if we meet; because we all know the whole actions vs words thing. Traveling is my main thing, as I love seeing different parts of the world now that I have the means to. Spain, DR, Cancun, Vegas, Canada, UK, & Grenada, are just a few places I've been to. Want to do Brazil next (That World Cup business has me primed and ready). When I'm not working I'm out and about. So long as you got a sense of humor, and like to get awesome, we can kick it.

    Lmao, there's round 3. And dude you've been awesome for all the help man.

  6. #6
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 9,772, Level: 66
    Level completed: 31%, Points required for next Level: 278
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social5000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    United States
    Posts
    844
    Points
    9,772
    Level
    66
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
    Rep Power
    437

    Default Re: Rate my profile please

    Third time's the charm, we have a winner

    That's a really good bio. I would be surprised if you didn't get at least one message within a week. And it's no problem at all, that's what we're all here for.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  7. #7
    RagingRacoon is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 69, Level: 1
    Level completed: 38%, Points required for next Level: 31
    Overall activity: 0%
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    11
    Points
    69
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    8

    Default Re: Rate my profile please

    Thanks a lot bro. The msgs always grabbed their attention, but my profile always sank me, lmao.

  8. #8
    BarberAl is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 58, Level: 1
    Level completed: 16%, Points required for next Level: 42
    Overall activity: 17.9%
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia - land of all things deadly
    Posts
    5
    Points
    58
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Default Re: Rate my profile please

    I have to say.. The "I'm not going to sit here and tell you.." Part throws it off for me. It doesn't come across as challenging..it comes across as if you've got issues with explaining what makes you good. If you're hell bent on keeping it, try inject a bit of humour into it, and while you're at it, break it up into easier to read chunks.

    Just my short edit

    Quote Originally Posted by RagingRacoon View Post
    So.. since Tony Stark totally hijacked my spotlight as a billionaire genius playboy philanthropist, I decided to create the internet. I had to start small; and it was quite challenging, but life would suck without dreams and challenges.

    Anyway, I'm not going to sit here and tell you why I'm the best in the world, cos my arms are tired after hugging 100 elderly folk down at the local home. Nope, You're (hopefully) a grown up woman, I'll let you make that decision on your own when we meet; actions speak louder than words.. And I'm all action, all the time.

    Traveling is my main thing, as I love seeing different parts of the world. Spain, DR, Cancun, Vegas, Canada, UK, & Grenada are just a few places I've been to. Want to do Brazil next (That World Cup business has me primed and ready). When I'm not working I'm out and about. So long as you got a sense of humor, and like to get awesome, we can kick it.

    Hope this helps/doesn't offend!


Similar Threads

  1. Rate/help with my OKC profile!
    By cheerio1 in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 4
    Last Thread: 07-16-2013, 08:10 PM
  2. Rate my online profile, please
    By Jew_jew in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 6
    Last Thread: 04-01-2013, 11:48 PM
  3. Rate my online profile
    By lelouchViBritannia in forum General Questions
    Replies: 2
    Last Thread: 03-10-2013, 08:32 PM
  4. Rate my POF profile
    By Jumbo in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 01-21-2013, 08:50 AM
  5. rate my profile since i'ts getting a good response rate
    By wontquit in forum Online And Text Game
    Replies: 0
    Last Thread: 03-27-2011, 04:30 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com