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  1. #1
    The_Mania is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    I've been messaging this girl for 3 weeks, and we've hit it off well (we exchanged roughly 40 messaged between us). I've asked her questions to get to know her as a person and usually she responds with medium decent sized messages, not like most chicks with 5 word sentences. I tried to Number Close after 5 days when we first started talking, but she said she wasn't comfortable yet. I tried again a couple days ago, but she still didn't feel ready yet. I ended up giving out my number..but doing it in an alpha male type way. She said she won't text me, but wanted to add me on FB and asked me for my facebook account if I had one.

    I confirmed her as a friend last night, so now the convo has shifted to there. We talked briefly and flirted very slightly. Point is, how do I ask her out on an actual date? Okcupid said she lives roughly 50 miles apart. She's from Jersey and I'm from the city in NY. My schedule also hasn't been kind to me lately and probably won't be going for a whole lot (hers is probably up in the air as well). I've waited 3 weeks already and I don't want her to eventually just see me as a friend and end up in the F-zone.

    So any helpful advice? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    I've been messaging this girl for 3 weeks, and we've hit it off well (we exchanged roughly 40 messaged between us). I've asked her questions to get to know her as a person and usually she responds with medium decent sized messages, not like most chicks with 5 word sentences.
    This is the part that worries me a tad bit. By the sounds of it, you have built up a ton of rapport. Perhaps too much. You have to remember that there is a point where a lot of rapport will lead to a decrease of interest. The best way to avoid this is to do small banter, and then add in sexual escalation when the time is right.

    Three weeks is also an incredibly long length of time for a single interaction to go. For time's sake, and for the sake of maintaining and rapidly building interest and attraction in a short time span, three weeks is a bit overkill. This makes me think that you did something wrong along the way, either with flirting, the time intervals between messages, or something along those lines.

    Everything above should also answer the questions you were asking. By the way, what is the "alpha male type" method you used to give her your number?
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    The_Mania is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    Well, I figured to do comfort/rapport online, then during the hopeful meet up is when you start to build more sexual escalation and Kino. I've just started building some minor sexual escalation on FB..but I feel I'd be much more comfortable doing that in person.

    I know 3 weeks is a lot, but I don't think it decreased her interest. She always responds with long and energetic messages, and we didn't talk every single day for 3 weeks..sometime took a 2-3 day break before resuming the convo. And as I said, she rarely responds with short messages..unlike a lot of women on that site.

    For the N-close, it involved using Tmal's Number Close technique and a twist to allow me to give her my number instead..she told me she found it hilarious.

    I know what you mean..though. That's why I want to do the meet up as soon as possible. What's the best way to transition to that?

  4. #4
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Mania View Post
    Well, I figured to do comfort/rapport online, then during the hopeful meet up is when you start to build more sexual escalation and Kino. I've just started building some minor sexual escalation on FB..but I feel I'd be much more comfortable doing that in person.
    Out of the entire post, this is the only major wrong thing that I can see. You shouldn't wait until any specific time to start building up sexual attraction. After a bit of banter on OKCupid, you should have immediately began to flirt and build up things, if you hadn't been doing so already. For the time being, it doesn't seem to have affected you too much.

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Mania View Post
    I know 3 weeks is a lot, but I don't think it decreased her interest. She always responds with long and energetic messages, and we didn't talk every single day for 3 weeks..sometime took a 2-3 day break before resuming the convo. And as I said, she rarely responds with short messages..unlike a lot of women on that site.
    That is different from what I have been reading from most of the posts on OKCupid. Your response times for messaging are perfect, and now I am more confident in believing that there still is a chance with this.

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Mania View Post
    For the N-close, it involved using Tmal's Number Close technique and a twist to allow me to give her my number instead..she told me she found it hilarious.
    Ahh T-Mal, that is a good technique. I'm also happy that you added your own twist to it. It's best to build up and create something that is you, and it's a fantastic thing that you are trying to do that

    Quote Originally Posted by The_Mania View Post
    I know what you mean..though. That's why I want to do the meet up as soon as possible. What's the best way to transition to that?
    Your best bet is to build up attraction, and then push for a meetup when things seem at their highest. Start flirting with her, and shift things into fifth gear. If you want any great texting tips on how to really push things to the next level, check out gunsnglory's guide on text game.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
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    ED11356 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    Swagman has a point with the 3 week thing, but if she still seems interested like you said, then it isn't a huge deal.

    The fact that she gave you her FB is encouraging, seems like she's at least a little interested in you, so I don't think you've lost it with her yet. However, you have to start making a move sooner or later. Start building up sexual attraction, at least a little bit.
    Always be honest with women. That's the true meaning of a PUA.

  6. #6
    The_Mania is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    Thanks Swag..I'll check that guide out. And yeah..T-mal is awesome lol

    Also, what do I say if she says she isn't ready to meet up yet? She isn't comfortable in giving me her number yet (although she has mine lol) and I feel she might not want to meet up just yet (not necessarily because she isn't in to me, for other obvious reasons).

  7. #7
    Siedways is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    just moveeeeeeee on! 3 weeks? fuckkk. You should be getting repluies from 80 to 90 percent of girls if your profiles right. focus on that

  8. #8
    LikeButter is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    I usually Number Close within that same day of messaging. If she's guarded and skeptical I don't waste my time and move on. I always try to keep the message count low and progress towards Text Game. If they're all about that bullsh1t and games, they'll drag it out for days or even weeks and won't give it to you...she's not worth your time. You just need to Escalate more quickly now to build up attraction and maintain her interest. I wouldn't say you lost her yet...just some recovery to make up for

  9. #9
    The_Mania is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    Well, trying to go for a bit more sexual escalation failed. I sent her this message during a convo today:" it really is a nice place, maybe if you behave, I'll send you some pics (was referring to island pictures). Btw, who's your favorite character in that show?"

    She then responded with "umm...no thanks." Then she blocked me on FB. I then proceeded to sign into okcupid and tell her if she really thought I meant to send her dirty pictures? (Also trying to neg her a bit for having a dirty mind)

    I figured after knowing me for a while she would know I'm not a guy just looking for sex, and knowing I have a sense of humor.

    Oh well, if this is a lost cause, at least I got good practice out of it haha.

  10. #10
    The_Mania is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Need a little help with girl from okcupid

    Nvm, I believe she quickly blocked me on okcupid after blocking me on fb, so she probably didn't even get my messages explaining what I said.

    What the hell went wrong here? Lol. I start upping the sexual escalation subliminally and a little bit (nothing close to extreme, and everything we said for almost a month just gets wiped away? I'm not even mad cause I've come to expect these kinds of things from women.

    I'm starting to think she simply saw me as a very good online friend (despite her profile saying she's looking for a long-term relationship) and nothing more, which if true, glad this ended anyway. Like I said, at least I got good practice out of her

    I do want advice on where you guys think I went wrong.


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