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  1. #1
    franksnotra is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Am I too invested ? What are next steps?

    What's up players, got a question for you guys ill try and keep this as informative but as short as possible.

    Background
    I've been seeing this girl Jill for about 3-4 months now. Little back story, we met through my friend about 3 years ago. Talked for a bit but nothing serious and kind of fell apart as she was going away for 2 or 3 months that summer couple days after we met(to be honest I donít remember it that well). Also, I had just got out of another relationship and wasnít looking for anything at the time. Fast forward 3 years to June 2013 first time I had seen her in a while. I played it cool, would walk by have small conversations negging her and teasing her till eventually we were alone and got more intimate.

    Update
    Fast forward again to today's date. We`ve been talking ever since and everything's been going well until the other day. She had went away with her family for 2 weeks. During the time she was there she skyped me and messaged me through Wi-Fi quite often telling me about her day. Personally I didnít expect to hear from her because if it were me I would be enjoying myself. I started to text her first towards the end of her trip and asked if we could hang out when she was back. She`s never been one to go out of her way to make plans with me and has usually been me for the most part (as this is still quite fresh). We decided on the day she was back but I ended up telling her that I was away from town and would see her the next day to which she said she was busy. Couple days later I told her I was in the area and would come by. Things went well we relaxed and did the usual .

    The Issue
    On that same day as above, she left the room and I checked her phone. I saw texts between her and this guy she used to talk to saying ``I'm dating someone, but it's just casual, I'm staying away from anything serious`` and also said to him ``I missed talking to you``. Obviously this can be taken out of context because I didnít have time to read the full conversation however, it still irked me and it was obvious it did when she came back to the room because she asked a couple times ``what's wrong`` to which I said ``nothing I'm a bit tired``. The night was quite awkward as we didn't snuggle and I left quite quickly in morning. This happened about a week ago and everything's been totally different. After that night, I never told her what i saw or expressed any emotion involving that situation to make her think i was actually tired which she bought the next day when asked "you seemed grumpy"... Currently, I'm texting and calling her first and a couple days ago I initiated coming to see her (everything was surprisingly normal when we hung out). The issue is I'm getting a lot of red flags as even her texts are quite short from what she used to write to me. Going back to what I read on her phone, I really had no reason to be upset as we never agreed on being exclusive. I was just shocked to see that she wasn't on the same page as I am because I do like her. We have had one conversation about becoming gf and bf in the past, again was brought up by me, after she took me to a wedding. She said she liked the way things were and wanted to take it slow which i said i agreed afterwards.

    The question
    What are my next steps here? I dont think this is totally lost as i havent questioned why shes been a bit distant or expressed any emotion to her that this is bothering me. However, I do look at her and us in a different light and i am now starting to viewing us as casually dating as well. Would it be a good idea to not text her and call her until she reaches out to me? that's what i would like to do but what angle do i play when she does message me ? "sorry ive been busy" ? shell never buy that.

  2. #2
    DirtyOnPurpose's Avatar
    DirtyOnPurpose is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Am I too invested ? What are next steps?

    Checking a girl's phone when she leaves the room is one of the main things you DON'T want to do ever. Who are we kidding? You will see guys in there and you will hate it.

    You gotta understand that girls get hit on all the time, so guys will be texting them all the time. Only difference is whether the girl is playing the field or not.

    In your case it looks like she is; so yeah definitely you need to stop initiating contact. Your best bet is to keep gaming and dating other girls until she talks back to you.

    You are NOT sorry, you were busy and you better have a good reason that gives you high value. Be very casual with her until she breaks but dont over do it she'll just walk away.

  3. #3
    franksnotra is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Am I too invested ? What are next steps?

    Quote Originally Posted by DirtyOnPurpose View Post
    Checking a girl's phone when she leaves the room is one of the main things you DON'T want to do ever. Who are we kidding? You will see guys in there and you will hate it.

    You gotta understand that girls get hit on all the time, so guys will be texting them all the time. Only difference is whether the girl is playing the field or not.

    In your case it looks like she is; so yeah definitely you need to stop initiating contact. Your best bet is to keep gaming and dating other girls until she talks back to you.

    You are NOT sorry, you were busy and you better have a good reason that gives you high value. Be very casual with her until she breaks but dont over do it she'll just walk away.

    Thanks for your response, you're totally right.

    After about 3 days she messages me apologizing for being MIA and that she's been busy and sick. Later in the night, she starts texting me again all excited to see me and sets up a day this week with details of the whole day and what were gonna do(i could tell she had a couple drinks in her), I agree (with some resistance).

    Yesterday she texts me saying she just got her schedule and has to work. This is some high level games. I reply "No worries with school and everything that is a lot to do". We havent talked since. Gonna play it very casual talk to other girls and only drop the odd message.

    good plan ?

  4. #4
    DirtyOnPurpose's Avatar
    DirtyOnPurpose is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Am I too invested ? What are next steps?

    She's still trying to play you. Or maybe she really has to work (unlikely). Either way you don't want to put too much energy on this one, I don't see anything solid going on here.

    So move on to the next ones and when she contacts you again, don't be so easily seduced if she says she wants to see you. Don't be this available.

  5. #5
    dboiipdx is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Am I too invested ? What are next steps?

    Hey man.

    I'm in a similar situation and it's tough because you get confused on how to act once you've invested in the girl.

    If you want the girl to buy into you and see you as more than someone she's casually dating, you need to up your value in her eyes. I think the strongest way to do this is to show you are willing to walk away. If she's dating you she's obviously into you, but if she doesn't want to invest more deeply, it's because you are not showcasing yourself as that high value male that she truly wants.

    I don't know the answer on how to accomplish this, but you must force yourself into the Mindset that you are the prize, you are not dependent on her for your own well being, and there are plenty of other opportunities for you out there. Using discipline, force yourself to carry out behaviors that are congruent with being high value. Motion equals emotion, and eventually the right emotions that an HVM embodies will follow your behaviors.

  6. #6
    Essential17 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Am I too invested ? What are next steps?

    It's a lot more simple than that. At any time, there's a sweet spot with a girl and her interest in you, and it's the doubling rule.

    You don't just stop talking to a girl you like. Then you truly are giving up on her. You still should maintain contact with her, but it follows a simple rule. You wait, let's say 3 days, and invite her out to do something with you. She declines your invite? You double the initial wait time of 3 days and now wait a week before making another invite. She declines again? You wait two weeks before another invite, then wait a month, then two months, and so on. She WILL eventually say yes, and in many cases she'll invite you out in one of the waiting periods. Either way, you will eventually find her sweet spot for how often she wants to hang out. Once you've found it (maybe it's every two weeks), then invite her out each two weeks. If she invites you out after one week? ó The sweet spot lowers to one week, and so on.

    The problem is most guys are either way too persistent and interested, or not persistent enough. Finding that sweet spot is a challenge but the doubling rule makes it easy.


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