Top 10 Stats
Latest Posts Loading... Loading...
Loading...
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Loading...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 12
  1. #1
    11455 is offline Aspiring PUA
    Points: 53, Level: 1
    Level completed: 6%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 7.1%
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Posts
    2
    Points
    53
    Level
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    0

    Question Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    My friend built up a long comfort zone with this girl he met at work. He went out an entire week with her. Every day they spent about 8 hours together.

    After much comfort building he got to a point where she invited him over to his place for a movie. She definitely wanted to kiss him and move to the seduction zone because she invented an excuse for him to come over to her place.

    After the movie and heavy petting and kissing, he started to escalate quite drastically. He kissed her breasts sporadically and she moaned of this. He proceeded with coitus (the actual penetration). When he was already inside her, she said to him "not without a condom" - to which he replied "I'm clean" and he thrusted her three times before pulling back away from her. He tried to lean in and kiss her but she quite purposely moved her head away each time he tried.

    After this he sat down on the bed and kept apologizing like he did the worst thing in the world. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" repeatedly. She said it was ok and that she trusted him on his word of being clean.

    The next day (predictably and ironically) she starts being cold and distant to him when he tries to get another date with her. Subsequent attempts were fruitless - they were met with the same, cold rejection - or rather - she started making up excuses (sometimes at the last minute).

    My diagnosis is that he is experiencing what is known as Mystery Method's (it's in the book) 'buyer's remorse'. They went into the intercourse phase, they had sex but that went wrong. It may not go wrong or she will have buyer's remorse - which is what she has now. He messed up the sex part - a crucial part; a point of no return as we all know. Not only that, the whole Pair Bonding story comes into play as well, screwing his situation up even more.

    He wants to know how to get her 'back', or at least, step away from the rejection/freeze zone and get back into the comfort zone (or should I say 'the saddle') so he can go back to foreplay zone and so on. He really likes her and he claims she is the one (I don't believe in that foolishness) and now all he has been doing is day in day out trying to get her to talk to him or to go out with him for dinner. She keeps rejecting him and tells him he 'violated' and 'abused' her.

    So, what can he do if he really wants her back?

  2. #2
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,134, Level: 34
    Level completed: 56%, Points required for next Level: 66
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    394
    Points
    3,134
    Level
    34
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    149

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    Tough one.

    What he did was wrong, let's be honest. But also, yeah, it happens. You're in the heat of the moment, you get carried on, you do a mistake.

    But the worst part was his reaction. Not saying that you should not apologize, he did a mistake, and an adult should be aware of when he messed up and apologize. But whining and begging is NOT a good way to apologize. Moreover, if you apologize as if you did the worst thing in the world, the other person (all this apply to everyone, not only with women) will start believing that yeah, you did the worst thing in the world. When you mess up, acknowledge it, apologize, and talk about it responsibly.

    At this point, he should basically give up on her. This is not easy, and the mistake doesn't make it easier. So it's your responsibility to get him out there, and get him with women. Even 6s are ok, just get a rebound to help him move to something else.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  3. #3
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 18,053, Level: 92
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    813
    Points
    18,053
    Level
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    772

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    This isn't buyer's remorse. This is, he fucked up big time. This is akin to her saying "No" and him continuing anyways. There's no caught up in the moment excuse or any of that shit.

    As for the above post about the "worst part was his reaction," that's nonsense too. The worst part was when he continued after she clearly indicated that she wasn't willing. I'm not going to comment on whether it rises to the level of sexual assault or worse, but come on. Use your fucking brain.

    He can do nothing to get her back. My guess is she feels violated at this point, as would any self-respecting human.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  4. #4
    Mikalichov is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 3,134, Level: 34
    Level completed: 56%, Points required for next Level: 66
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    1000 Experience Points31 days registered
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    394
    Points
    3,134
    Level
    34
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    149

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    Just to be clear on something. I totally agree that he farked up, and there is no excuse for that. Sexual assault is a delicate topic, especially in this kind of situations, and especially in this community. But no matter how you look at it, if there is even an hesitation that you might have committed it... well yeah, you did something very wrong.

    But I don't want to throw stones at the guy. Maybe he was stupid, and/or unskilled, and/or inexeperienced, but it happens. It's sad, it should be avoided at all point, and we repeat often enough to be careful, but it happens. And I'm pretty sure he will remember the lesson next time, and other beginners reading this will also get it. No is no.

    Now rather that bash him and tell him he's a douche - which he probably does by himself - I think it is more important to talk about what one's reaction should be (and yeah, my message above as his reaction being the worst sounds messed up, my bad). That is, act like a man, admit that you messed up and apologize, rather than whining and begging. Not because of maintaining his alpha status (at this point I don't think that's a priority), but because it will also make her feel better. When in a stressful situation, seeing someone handling it calmly and responsibly makes you relax a bit. Seeing someone crying and panicking makes you freak out too.
    Seduction is a martial art. Reading books and talking to experts is important, and helpful. But you won't progress unless you go out there and fight.

  5. #5
    skicat's Avatar
    skicat is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 232, Level: 4
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    46
    Points
    232
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    16

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    Quote Originally Posted by 11455 View Post
    After the movie and heavy petting and kissing, he started to escalate quite drastically. He kissed her breasts sporadically and she moaned of this. He proceeded with coitus (the actual penetration). When he was already inside her, she said to him "not without a condom" - to which he replied "I'm clean" and he thrusted her three times before pulling back away from her. He tried to lean in and kiss her but she quite purposely moved her head away each time he tried.
    It's not sexual assult when two people have reached this point. What really happened here was poor communication. They both knew what was coming next. If the woman wanted him to use a condom she shouldn't have waited until he was already inside her. At that point he should have ended it and just agreed with her.

    Just for good measure tho I'd have busted one loose on her ta ta's.

  6. #6
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 18,053, Level: 92
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    813
    Points
    18,053
    Level
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    772

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    Quote Originally Posted by skicat View Post
    It's not sexual assult when two people have reached this point. What really happened here was poor communication. They both knew what was coming next. If the woman wanted him to use a condom she shouldn't have waited until he was already inside her. At that point he should have ended it and just agreed with her.

    Just for good measure tho I'd have busted one loose on her ta ta's.
    Oh really? And I assume you have the requisite legal training to make that judgment?
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #7
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 18,053, Level: 92
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    813
    Points
    18,053
    Level
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    772

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    Quote Originally Posted by Mikalichov View Post
    Just to be clear on something. I totally agree that he farked up, and there is no excuse for that. Sexual assault is a delicate topic, especially in this kind of situations, and especially in this community. But no matter how you look at it, if there is even an hesitation that you might have committed it... well yeah, you did something very wrong.

    But I don't want to throw stones at the guy. Maybe he was stupid, and/or unskilled, and/or inexeperienced, but it happens. It's sad, it should be avoided at all point, and we repeat often enough to be careful, but it happens. And I'm pretty sure he will remember the lesson next time, and other beginners reading this will also get it. No is no.

    Now rather that bash him and tell him he's a douche - which he probably does by himself - I think it is more important to talk about what one's reaction should be (and yeah, my message above as his reaction being the worst sounds messed up, my bad). That is, act like a man, admit that you messed up and apologize, rather than whining and begging. Not because of maintaining his alpha status (at this point I don't think that's a priority), but because it will also make her feel better. When in a stressful situation, seeing someone handling it calmly and responsibly makes you relax a bit. Seeing someone crying and panicking makes you freak out too.
    This type of advice is much better. The point I'm making is that this has moved past the realm of PUA and worrying about getting the girl back. This is about basic human decency and even possible legal ramifications.

    I'm not in this girl's mind, but I'm willing to bet she feels violated. If she decides to escalate this, it could become very nasty for this guy.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  8. #8
    skicat's Avatar
    skicat is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 232, Level: 4
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    46
    Points
    232
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    16

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    Oh really? And I assume you have the requisite legal training to make that judgment?
    From reading the original post you didn't gather that they're two consenting adults? Anyone with common sence can make that judgement... Sorry pal, she don't get to call foul now.

  9. #9
    TheDuke's Avatar
    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
    Points: 18,053, Level: 92
    Level completed: 89%, Points required for next Level: 47
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    Social7 days registered10000 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    813
    Points
    18,053
    Level
    92
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    772

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    So you don't have a legal education? Well good, that makes one of us.

    Don't give advice if you don't know what you're talking about.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  10. #10
    skicat's Avatar
    skicat is offline PUA in Training
    Points: 232, Level: 4
    Level completed: 64%, Points required for next Level: 18
    Overall activity: 0%
    Achievements:
    7 days registered100 Experience Points
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    46
    Points
    232
    Level
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
    Rep Power
    16

    Default Re: Mystery Method - Buyer's remorse

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    So you don't have a legal education? Well good, that makes one of us.

    Don't give advice if you don't know what you're talking about.

    Well since you're so brilliant why don't you give us a legal education on what constitutes "consensual". She dated the man for a week, invited him to her home, got naked, laid down and made out with the man. Sounds consensual to me. But then again you're highly educated so maybe your opinion matters to someone...probably just you.


Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. The Mystery Method
    By keyboard jockey in forum Approaching, Running Sets & Building Attraction
    Replies: 32
    Last Thread: 09-06-2013, 06:55 AM
  2. Besides Mystery method, what is the best pickup method?
    By adamqq in forum General Questions
    Replies: 3
    Last Thread: 05-24-2013, 05:31 AM
  3. mystery method out dated?
    By hyp in forum Self Improvement And Health
    Replies: 19
    Last Thread: 04-09-2013, 05:43 PM
  4. Is mystery method the best method so far
    By jackmystery in forum General Questions
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 03-09-2013, 09:45 PM
  5. Buyer's Remorse
    By Playa in forum Common Pick Up Terms
    Replies: 1
    Last Thread: 09-24-2012, 07:21 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
DMCA.com