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  1. #1
    Mr.Abel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Third date set up, then no contact...

    Hi there,

    I apologize in advance if this post is a bit long, but there are details that might be important.

    Let me start by stating, that I assume the thing with this chick is dead ! But you be the judge of that.

    So I met this girl a couple of years back. Fucking gorgeous ! But she was unavailable at the time. I traveled for a bit and whilst I was doing so she was dating one of my mates. He got tired of her though and dumped her (something I don't think she has quite gotten over completely).

    When I returned from my travels we started talking. We were never friends before, but we were at some parties once in a while. There were clear flirtatiousness from her part, but we never did anything. 1 months ago she sent me a text, complaining why I never wrote her. I set up a "date" next saturday and thought, then I would be able to tell if there was something or not. Initially nothing happened, we just had fun and she spend the night. The morning after we started cuddling, holdings hands, neck kissing etc., but when I went for the kiss she pulled away because it was too wrong/weird (due to her dating my friend earlier (he doesn't care about this btw.)).

    Either way, she kept messaging me and flirting. We set up a new date next sunday. She stood me up and I gave her the non-reactive "all cool, I'm tired anyway" response. A few days later, she came back and said she wanted to see me soon. We set up a date the following saturday (now 2 weeks ago). We went to the movies, then for drinks and then my place for some red wine. We had a good talks, both fun but also deep and serious. When we laid in bed it was the same as earlier. Just cuddling. So I asked her about it and she finally kinda opened up about the whole situation, and that it was difficult because she still had something for my friend, even though it was all a while back. I told her I thought it was frustrating that he had so much control here, but there was no pressure from my side. We went to sleep, but woke up later in the night and she finally turned around and we started kissing. She honestly seemed relieved. Next morning we continued and I fingered her for a bit too. She left and I kissed her goodbye. We texted a bit during the evening and next morning (I initiated these 2).

    Next week I didn't want to be the clingy desperate boy, so I waited until Thursday, but still no reply, so I got kinda frustrated. I wrote her a statement: "Did you know that blue whales' tongues weighs more than elephant? I love National Geographic!". I almost got in instant reply that she laughing all by herself at a train station. I took the liberty of calling her up and we had a super nice chat. She told me she'd been super busy at work and would be until next Thursday (yesterday), because they were opening a new shop. So we set up a date for Saturday (tomorrow). We talked about the weekend before as well. I was quite busy but she told me to come by a mutual friend's birthday if I had time. I ended up having time, after a long day with my class. We went out and she went home with me on her own initiative. Good evening, no drama, but no more than kisses.

    She left the next morning. I've been texting with her sparingly early this week, but it seemed quite generic. And yet she knocked on my window on Tuesday cause she walked by with a friend. We chatted for about 5 minutes, all in good atmosphere and smiles.

    Now, here's what I don't get. Yesterday evening i texted her at around 8PM: "Hey, I need some help ! I got a date with this cute girl on Saturday. I was thinking of taking her to this Japanese fusion restaurant. What do you think?". And I haven't heard a word since ! I saw her online today on Facebook, so I send her an emoticon. She saw it but no reply. So clearly she has lost interest. Even though she's been busy, I've been initiating almost all contact the last 2 weeks, although it was her initiate to go with me home Saturday and knock on my window Tuesday ! And even though I've texted first, she has always replied and always been used smileys, questions and been generally flirtatious, so I've excused it with her business. My question is.. Why ? Or is there even an explanation?

    Right now I'm torn between texting her straight up, "what's up "Name"?!" Or just not writing at all. I'm not sure I will accomplish anything with either, but what would you guys do ?

    Just a final note. I'm not a "player", but I',m by no means an AFC either, even though my Mindset has been that of an AFC recently (albeit not showing this of course).

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Third date set up, then no contact...

    You must have hurt her.she came knocking on your window..ioi. and you text ed her that.you could have gone for the f-close that day.i would recommend leaving her and going to sarge girls then coming back if you may.

    or you may text her something along the lines of this
    well i received a text and happen to go though my phone and i realized my follow up text right after i sent the date(that girl) text wasn't delivered..got to go

    then move on.anytime you see her and she is giving you shots follow through.yur next step which shouldn't be hurried but can be done is have relations with her...PEACE

  3. #3
    Nikee is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Third date set up, then no contact...

    You too slept in the same bed more than 3 times, and all you got was a kiss and you were happy about it. Don't try to bash, rather bring key points to your attention. "women love sex as much we do, women love to be touched as much as we love to touch them" thats why Kino and closing the deal so important, because it show her that you're in touch with your sexuality.

    You had a "mass destruction" weapon in your possession and you didn't use it to your advantage. When she told you she didn't get over your friend after he dumped her, you should have known that she hate being dumped, and use that fact. After the first night she spent to your place and nothing happened, the second time when you sense it was repeating, you should heave set up your alarm and told her she gotta go, because you have something to do early in the morning (making her feel like you dumping her too, or at least on your way to dump her) she will then be back to that dark place and by any mean would straighten up as she don't wanna get dumped again.

    Instead you showed her that you're happy with kisses and ioi and she can come crash at your place at any given moment and with just one or two kiss you will roll over and go to bed like a good boy.
    Nikee --Just did it--

  4. #4
    Mr.Abel is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Third date set up, then no contact...

    Hi Nikee,

    Thanks for the reply.

    Although I agree with many of the things you say, the situation did develop. She contacted me saturday evening around the time the "date" (that I assumed was off) was supposed to be, writing that she was ill and tired and if I could come to her place instead ? Told her I had made other plans, as I had not heard from her. Went to her place sunday, negged her abit about not returning my text, without going overboard.

    After a cool night, we naturally started talking about the whole thing. Point is, that I would not sleep in her bed if I was just a friend and that she was very protective of herself because of what she'd been through with other guys.

    Regarding the part about no sex. Well yes, I get your point, but it is not like I'm just laying there with my arms crossed. Nono, I'm touching, kissing, cuddling etc. I think its a matter of time, but I've considered whether it would be smart, to just one time do hardcore push/pull, to make her come to me or whether I should just be patient.

    Btw, what is your suggestion in regards to "her hate being dumped"? How should that be used ?

  5. #5
    stugots32 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Third date set up, then no contact...

    She sounds like she's been sexually abused or had some other type of abuse. She probably doesn't trust you. Run away...or, get cold on her


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