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  1. #1
    Short Guy is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to date a girl with ADHD?

    The tomboy I have been dating has shown signs of ADHD. At times, she did not seem to be able to pay attention. I would ask her a question and get no response or would see her texting. Other times, she was completely focused on me and ignored everything else. This would shift every few minutes. There would be times of silence, then there would be times of fun conversations. She also showed signs of forgetfulness. She left her car keys in a public place and did not realize it until half an hour after we left. Do any of you guys know how to deal with someone who has ADHD?

  2. #2
    Essential17 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to date a girl with ADHD?

    My ex-girlfriend had serious ADHD. In some ways it's very fun to have an ADHD girlfriend, but in other ways it's a huge challenge. Most children with ADHD will have learned to control it in their early to mid 20s as they learn to establish their own rules and routines. If she hasn't done that yet, you'll have to help her do that with a reward / consequence system. We subconsciously do this with everyone we interact with, but you have to take it to an extreme with ADHD. First though, you need to bring up the subject (asking if she has ADHD is a good start). Don't talk to her like a little kid. Do it in an adult and respectful way like you would a friend; just tell her it's fine and you guys need to work around it. Let her know you've noticed she sometimes gets distracted easily or doesn't listen when you say things and you'll need to create a system for when you guys are out together.

    My suggestion for if she's texting in the middle your date: give her 3 warnings (again, not in a parenting or patronizing way, but in a respectful, understanding, but a very matter of fact, way) after which you'll leave and go home. She has the capacity to try hard if she realizes there will be consequences. And, if she's being good and giving you attention, reward her. Buy her a drink, or compliment her of how good of a job she's doing staying focused.

    It's very possible she could say "well okay, go home then, I don't care" — which is exactly what attitude my ex would take — but you *must* follow through. As much as I want to avoid comparing someone with ADHD to a toddler or a dog, the process of setting them rules and routines with a reward/consequence structure is very similar.

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