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  1. #1
    NewMan23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Terrible at group dynamics

    HI all,

    Unique dating situation here.

    To cut a long story short:

    1) I know this girl about 2 months ago, as friends. She introduces me to her female roommate, then goes on holidays for 2 weeks

    2) Me and roommate really have chemistry, and we've been out many times since. My initial female friend comes back, finds out I've been hitting on her friend, and isn't happy. Maybe jealous?

    3) I hate this situation, yet still go out with her roommate. I don't play group dynamics well, and it seems that I am neglecting my initial female friend. I get the feeling that she is cockblocking my attempts with her roommate.

    4) I try to repair things with my initial female friend, I don't like her now as she is too manipulative, and because she is trying to tell me false things about her roommate (cockblocking). Not really getting anywhere, but still social. I am starting to see the true colors of my initial female friend and I don't like what I see. Manipulative, gold digger and spreads lies, the worst kind.

    5) In the meantime, I'm still going out with her roommate and things are going ok.

    6) We talk about taking a road trip together, this female friend wants to rope in another guy with us. Now its me, ,my female friend, her roommate and this other guy.

    7) I get to meet up this other guy and I absolutely HATE THIS GUY. Spends money to impress girls, all show and no substance, puts others down. In short, a bully.

    8) I want to pull out of this trip and propose an overseas trip to said roommate instead, completely ignore my female friend and her ass male friend. I know this is a risk however I don't see a way to withdraw from the initial road trip smoothly, without seeming antisocial.

    Ideas guys? Would really appreciate it as I am really bad in a group. One on one, I am probably pretty good.

  2. #2
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    Whichever way you handle it pulling out of the road trip you may come a bit off..your other friend(roommate) may go any way.why?Think shit test.
    Your other friend may be trying to trigger your interest, don't be mean. be unaffected..

  3. #3
    NewMan23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    1 reason why I feel that I want to pull out is that this ass other guy wants to split the accommodation bill between the 2 of us guys, and not involve the girls at all.

    I hate this guy for assuming, if he wants to splurge on them that's his business, I am not going to buy attention from girls and hence I want to pull out.

    Secondly, I do not agree with his agenda. I suggested a sample itinerary and he wants to come and run the show, with his own itinerary.

    I mean come on, respect for the person who suggested the road trip? As I said, the whole thing is a big cockblock/Sh1t Test and I need a strong method of saying I am not going to tolerate that.

    Is there a smooth, yet strong way to get the power back? Tell the guy that since he wants to plan so much, make him plan it and then I'll see if it can fit my schedule? Or a way to make him not go?

    Just to be clear, my interest is in my friend's roommate, and not her. My friend is just giving me the shits at the moment. Plus I'm supposed to meet the roommate for drinks again in a couple of days. I have no doubt that if I pull out, they might go anyway.

    Just have a few days to come up with a smooth response...

  4. #4
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    Yep its obvious that you are on the roommate the one your meeting up.If he wants to suggest that things are run his way just state that you will not be going for the road trip.tell that to the one you are meeting for the date.let her know she may go if she wants to.

    Then tell the other girl who invited someone..

    Leave it as that.

    If he calls you pick up and state.you can't make it for the trip.

  5. #5
    NewMan23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    What about the fact that he wants to splurge on the girls and he expects me to split the cost with him? I just want to blow him off but don't know how. In fact, I want to blow off my initial female friend too, she's just being a massive pain at the moment.

  6. #6
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    TheDuke is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    Why did you invite the friend to begin with?

    This is simple enough. You should still go on the road trip. Backing out now will make you look like a chump who doesn't go through with his plans, or even worse, someone who starts whining when he doesn't get his way. Right now I'm throwing you in the latter category, so I think we should change that.

    Instead, what you need to do is take control of the situation. This is a classic case of needing to AMOG the shit out of this guy, so here's what I suggest.

    Go grab drinks with everyone. This is important, because in order to take some power from this guy you need the social proof. When you get to the bar, grab the first round for everyone. This way there's this implicit idea that you're not a cheap ass and he can't call you out for it. Next, you're going to want to sit down with everyone and do one of two things: (1) make it very clear that everyone should chip in for the rooms; or (2) recommend that you and the roommate grab your own rooms and the friend and the guy grab their own room. I decided to give two suggestions here simply because I don't know your economic situation, but I think option 2 is better for all the obvious reasons.

    As far as making plans go, this is where you want to AMOG this guy all the way to the other side of the planet. What you're going to need to do is let him talk. Get him to tell everyone his plans, but then lay down what you ARE doing. Make sure you compromise a couple little things that he wants so that it appears you're listening to them. Here's how your side of the conversation should look:

    Him: Rambling on about whatever the fuck he thinks you should do.
    You: "I really like X idea. That sounds like it will be awesome. So here's what we do..."

    You're not asking if they think that's what you guys should do. You're not supplicating to him. You're being a reasonable guy who is taking control of the situation and making a plan. The women love it.

    The other guy might get all bitchy about the situation if you do this. In that case, you have to make everyone believe you're listening to his suggestions and then give random ass reasons why they aren't good ideas. He'll get pissed but everyone else will eat it up as long as you give off the appearance of being fair.

    If he won't drop it, start talking to him like he's an inferior. What I mean by this is start using the voice you'd use if you're talking to a child or a handicap person. Use inflection and whatnot to show that you're concerned for him, but you're not taking his ideas seriously. The key here is to sound as sincere as possible.

    Do this and see where it gets you and come back and let us know. Also, if you're having drinks with the roommate in a few days, try and get a sense of what she's feeling about the plans, but don't whine, complain, or bitch about this other guy.

    Honestly dude, right now you just sound like a kid who isn't getting his way and wants to take his ball and go home. We can turn that around though
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  7. #7
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    Here just be a good 'bro' and tell him you cannot make it and are not going to spend on them since you barely know them 'enough' and that you might wait out a bit on that.(paying for trips) at least for now

    He may catch the drift so he doesn't go spending too becos you never know... if he decides to proceed its on him.Then you may not go.

  8. #8
    NewMan23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    Reason for inviting the friend is because we talked about this a long time ago, even before I got to know the roommate better, at the time it was the 3 of us. If I didn't invite the friend, it would all seem incongruent.

    HOWEVER, I do know that the roommate's actual wish is to go on a nearby overseas trip. I have NEVER mentioned this to the friend, and this is something I am considering suggesting to the roommate, however its a big risk as the road trip idea is out in the "open".

    Rooms wise, as the roommate and I have never hooked up, its probably going to be the girls and the guys, of course thats only on paper and things can change.

    I got the other guy's contacts so I can contact him directly, without meeting up again. I just need to blow him off in a cool way, besides I don't agree with his plans.

  9. #9
    NewMan23 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    Hi Guys,

    An update and its a big one.

    So I've stalled on this road trip and didnt do anything. Just went out with the RoomMate as normal. So we go rock climbing, and after that karaoke with 1 of her friends.

    Long story short, RoomMate eventually gets drunk, and starts getting affectionate with ME. She's hanging off my arm, she's cuddling, she's sort of kissing my neck. I don't push her away, but I almost do a double take as she is NEVER EVER this forward and I feel wierd.

    And then she starts talking, says that she actually wants to go overseas for a holiday and not this road trip, that she's been pressurized by her friends to go for the road trip. Says she just wants someone to take care of her, and when I ask why she's getting so drunk, she says "didn't your ex gf use to be like this too". Which is true, I HAVE told her that one of my ex gf was intense in that way too.

    Eventually, I promise her in her drunk state that I'll get her on the overseas trip and I'll cancel the road trip. She starts making suggestions that she wants to go home with me. I can't do it as I've been down this road before and its never ended well.

    All that was yesterday. Now I'm confused. I don't know whether I can trust a word she said while drunk, yet at the same time I've promised I'll do the overseas trip. If what she said was true, there is something there.

    So I'm stuck. I've been very careful not to vocalize anything and just keep doing what I do, stoke the fires between us and see how it goes. Her friends have told me they see my actions and wonder why I've never said anything.

    I know I want to take her on this overseas trip, I want to say "Let's go", and that it is all my idea. I just don't know how she will react!

  10. #10
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Terrible at group dynamics

    Hmm..
    don't let her set the terms here in this dyn.if you really want to take her overseas because you want then go for it.if not however..

    That was her way of telling you she doesn't want on that road trip and that she may like you sort of.

    knoe you wont go AFC.may invite her over and move things ahead from there


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