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Thread: Dating an older man - advice needed

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    I am tempted to think not interested. I ended up texting him an article / quiz that I read on Sunday morning (on a topic that we'd discussed). Granted the article was long and required some thought (and time to the take the quiz), but I didn't get a response back until that evening! I was pretty irked and just responded to his text. He could have left it at that and not responded at all, but I got another text from him. And granted, I could have left it and not responded, but I responded this morning with just a one line about how the quiz is tricky.

    I think I want focus on going out with other guys. If he doesn't ask me out in the next few days for this week, I am writing him off completely. I like him, but if he's not making any further moves, maybe it's just the way it is meant to be.

  2. #12
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    Cool story sister. Cool story.

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    OK, so after some texting, he called last night and we talked for about a 1/2 hour about what we did this past weekend. He asked what I was up to this week or next. I said I was busy until Thursday but around after that. He said he had a friend coming into town that day and staying with him until the weekend, so he asked if I'd like to see a show next week (and I wasn't prodding him to plan for something). I got the sense he just wanted to see interest from me (and I really had not been giving very clear - or any - signs of interest aside from just responding to his texts or accepting his date invites).

    So, YAY!

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    yeah.. he's definitely playing it safe. he obviously likes you, if you want him, show interest and he's yours. he sounds like a shy guy, but i'm sure he'll warm up to you after you show some direct interest. go on the date with him, he may have spent a lot of time planning it out before asking you to go. it should be good

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    Uh, no - he didn't spend any time planning (but hopefully he does now). What happened was that I mentioned that I went to see a Broadway show this past weekend and he asked me what show and if I liked it. I asked if he liked shows and he said "yes, but more off broadway and comedy shows." He asked if I liked comedy shows and I said that I really like them (I like most live performances and am not too picky about them - he said he's more picky about those). He asked if I knew of this one place (I'd heard of it, but never been there) so he said he'd do some research into what to see there.

    I don't know how to show interest. I feel like it should come naturally and usually I think the fact that I am going out with him is enough to indicate interest. I'm doing a lot of thinking (because I am a thinker) and I think that I tend to take things slower than most people. The times when I've jumped into relationships (usually because the guy does) and we get physical too quickly - I tend to shut off emotionally. A lot of times, I don't really like someone a lot for at least 2-3 months. So, if I ignore that (lack of feeling) and get physical too quickly, the attraction / anticipation doesn't grow because I've numbed it in order to get physical with him (and most guys seem to think that physical intimacy is a sign of interest). When I jump in too quickly physically, that's when I haven't been as attracted to the guy and when we broke up, I had little to no strong feelings for him so it's relatively easy to get over it. What really gets to me, however, is lots of talking and sharing stuff - and if that happens without any physical stuff - then around 2-3 months later is when I am ready to rip his buttons off with my teeth and have my way with him.

    Of course...it rarely gets that far for that long without physical stuff, and maybe that's why I am still single for being so weird. But, for now, I am glad we're not jumping in, but I hope he's interested in it eventually, and in the meantime, I hope the attraction continues to grow.

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    no offense but i'm going to say you're being a typical girl, by that I mean that you have some insecurity that is keeping you from showing interest in a guy who you are very interested in, you're just afraid that if you show interest maybe he won't reciprocate it.

    the truth is he's twice as likely to show interest in you, if you show interest in him (especially since he's a shy guy) try using Kino (touching) to suggest interest, look him in the eyes, smile at him, do whatever it takes for him to get a hint. I really wish I could talk to this guy and tell him to stop being such a b!tch about it.

    btw there's nothing weird about you, you like this guy and he likes you, but neither of you will make a move so it gos nowhere. its like a game of chess where each player takes two days to make a single move, eventually its just so drawn out that the players just quit. if neither of you make a move, don't expect to win.

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    Being a "typical" girl is better than a weirdo who overthinks stuff. I do have some insecurities too (hence, the chess game), but I am willing to own up to it and move on. Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by meteora View Post
    no offense but i'm going to say you're being a typical girl, by that I mean that you have some insecurity that is keeping you from showing interest in a guy who you are very interested in, you're just afraid that if you show interest maybe he won't reciprocate it.

    the truth is he's twice as likely to show interest in you, if you show interest in him (especially since he's a shy guy) try using Kino (touching) to suggest interest, look him in the eyes, smile at him, do whatever it takes for him to get a hint. I really wish I could talk to this guy and tell him to stop being such a b!tch about it.

    btw there's nothing weird about you, you like this guy and he likes you, but neither of you will make a move so it gos nowhere. its like a game of chess where each player takes two days to make a single move, eventually its just so drawn out that the players just quit. if neither of you make a move, don't expect to win.

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    Quote Originally Posted by toughcookiegirl View Post
    Being a "typical" girl is better than a weirdo who overthinks stuff. I do have some insecurities too (hence, the chess game), but I am willing to own up to it and move on. Thanks.
    I'm jumping in WAAAAAY after this has been going on...
    But, A "typical girl" IS a weirdo who over-thinks things!

    And yes, relationships ARE a game. You always have to be ready to adjust your game-plan at a moment's notice.

    The thing is, "shy guys" can really be sweet & amazing people. And usually there's a more fun, outspoken, outgoing man inside, just waiting to come out of his shell.

    I know this because I was once a shy guy.
    *gasp, cough, choke!!!

    Yep... it's true.

    But seriously, if you really do like him, then don't be afraid to express it. HE'S probably insecure too.

    And when two people can help each other improve in different areas of their lives, it's always gonna have great results in the long run. Whether it's them together, or with other people.

    Life is full of learning experiences.. and everyone learns at different speeds & times. It's not wrong or right / better or worse. It's all about individual timing & the people around to help with the lessons.

    So play the game! And enjoy the process.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  9. #19
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    Theres nothing wrong with this its called being smart taking chancing whilst treading cautiously.

    Some people never change.fear could cause a stall or prevent them from coming all out, since they may feel weak and exposed.

    you may hold on to him

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Dating an older man - advice needed

    I'm jumping in WAAAAAY after this has been going on...
    But, A "typical girl" IS a weirdo who over-thinks things!
    lol, i couldn't have said it better myself

    I do have some insecurities too (hence, the chess game), but I am willing to own up to it and move on. Thanks.
    thats the spirit, admitting your insecurities and owning up to them is how you overcome them.

    most people have some insecurities, there's nothing wrong with that, but when they get in the way of proggress, thats when you have to push through them to get what you want. you can do it, i have faith in you

    and who knows, maybe you'll help him to overcome some of his insecurities as well. this venture could be mutually beneficial


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