I've been dating a girl for about a month. Things are going well, there's a lot of mutual attraction and we have common interests and we enjoy each other's company aside from sex.
This past weekend I met up with her for a coffee. She seemed off and distant, and I thought she was just hungover. At one point she says she hasn't been 'mutually exclusive' and in fact had had a foursome the previous night.
In my quest to become better at attracting women and managing relationships, I have learned a lot. Some of it has become programmed into my system. Some of it is much more logic based, where I need to override my emotions and default responses with controlling my behaviors and thoughts.
In this situation, I had to tap into my 'logic-based' understanding of relationship management. I have adopted a frame where I want the women I'm with to feel comfortable with their sexuality and I want to be able to handle their sexuality. I handled the situation well, knowing that since we haven't established any boundaries at this point, she did not violate trust. It is important that a women respects me, and I felt that by being brutally honest with me was a gesture of respect. We talked things out, and I did not allow myself to make her feel slutty or that she betrayed me (which I honestly believe).
My only issues now are that I lack clarity on whether I am being a high value male by the way I am handling her sexuality, or whether I am being a low value male by letting her have it off too easy. I have continued to hang out with her, and have treated her with warmth and respect.
I guess I worry that I am not giving her enough of a 'cold shoulder', so to speak. She may WANT to feel like she needs to EARN my respect and my d1ck, but perhaps I am letting her have those things too easily. I'm lacking clarity because I'm acting congruent with how I feel and want to treat her, but there's always a dynamic between being real and playing the game.
I just wanted to put this out there and see responses.