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  1. #1
    ooties Guest

    Default So I am totally falling for this girl, But she has a BF (Cliche, but help!)

    Hey guys, it's my first time posting here so bear with me - Also if this is the wrong forum, could an admin please move this to the right section? Thanks a bunch and hope to get to know some of you guys soon!

    So heres my dillema:So I like this girl, but she has a BF! (I know right? This is such a typical cliche post in a PUA forum!, but anyways bear with me!)

    Oh goodness, how did I get myself into this situation... I think right now I just want to take my mind off things, the stress of my profession/work and just vent out my story to you guys.

    So take it as you will, read on if you want!

    Some of you guys will remember my old post 'I think I'm Mr Nice Guy and a Half' - where I asked you about advice on ... well.. sex with a girl - Very appreciated with all the replies, and I've learnt alot from them, believe me - I might not seem like I agreed with some of the replies but they have definitely helped me as a person and as a male in general!

    So I think I've developed alot more confidence since then, and generally started not becoming the sucky home boy asian deeb kid type of guy, and become more confident in talking to girls I like/want to attract (I've always been very good at talking with girls, just not to girls I want to attract, ie. I have plenty of girl friends, but fail to attract..?).

    Anyways so I met this girl, lets call her 'Melody' at a friends birthday recently on Friday last week, and she caught my eye straight off the bat. I realised I could definitely not let this opportunity slip so I went over to say 'Hi' to her, and said I thought she was 'really cute'. She immediately reciprocated with 'Hey!, Whats your name? Aww I think you're cute too!!!'. So we introduced ourselves, started chatting a bit (albeit shouting, since it was in a club, and the music was SO loud) and after a bit she had to go to the toilet, but right before she did I asked her for her contact details to put on my phone (I took the phone out and asked her). She took the phone, but then she said she was really busting and also quickly stated 'Hey um, I got a boy friend', to which I replied 'Oh, so? It doesn't really make a difference! (and acted unphased) - and she seemed like she was hesitating, ie. holding and looking at the phone, then she said 'wait I gotta go to the toilet first!' So she just gave me back my phone and hurriedly walked fast pace towards the toilet (the club was pretty packed though).

    So I didn't see her for about 30-40 minutes after that, and I was just on the dancefloor with some friends dancing around, and then she suddenly appeared and asked me for my phone again, and entered in her facebook/MSN into it and so I'm like 'woot.' (OMFG I totally didn't know what to do about getting her number though..since she stated already that she had a bf, so I didn't want to seem like I was trying to 'pick her up' when she had already clearly stated to me she had a bf... FML, so I just settled with the email/facebook).
    *Just a quick note, she had a few drinks, about 4, but she's quite a decent drinker so she said she was feeling absolutely fine, and it seemed to me like she wasn't drunk at all (she was walking 100% fine, talking fine, feeling fine, etc, but i think the drinks helped her loosen up a bit*
    So when she was on the dance floor she seemed super into me, we were dancing with each other, face to face, within touching distance however we weren't touching.. so I started edging closer to her, to which she said 'Remember what I told you before!' (referring to the bf thing) .. but I kept acting like I was unphased, and after about 5 minutes we both moved closer to each other and started hugging/cuddling. To cut a long story short - for the rest of the night, she was really close to me, constantly hugging me, holding my arm, etc. We went to the strippers after (since my birthday friend hasn't ever been before), and she was always with me, sitting on my lap, cuddling, we kissed each other on the cheek multiple times - however never on the lips - and basically being extremely close. There were never ever any awkward silences and we just get along great both emotionally and physically?

    Okay this is getting really long now, and I'm starting to rant on a bit, so I'll make this next bit shorter than before.

    So all I did was add her to facebook and we chatted on MSN once, and then me and some friends invited her out to drinks after her work in the city at around 10pm. We went bar hopping and had a great time, (it was with about 5 other mutual friends, so 7 of us) - all during the night she was with me, and always sat down next to me. There was once even that I noticed, when we entered a new bar, when we about to sit at an area and she immediately sat down on a lone seat, then it looked like she forgot that she wanted to sit with me, and she quickly got back up and looked waited for me to sit down, and then sat next to me .. that sorta felt nice, cos I noticed it, and so did a few of my other friends. So just to keep this short'ish and I'm getting tired and rambling on a bit now, she was NOT physical at all this night with me.. like i tried to be more physical with her in the way that I put my arm around her a few times, but she didn't really reciprocate, but in saying that, she didn't look like she minded *at all* either. We talked the whole night, and again, never any awkward silences (we can literally chat for hours nonstop.. thats how good i get along with this chick) - and I made #1 huge mistake of the night around the middle of the night. I told her she caught my eye the first moment I saw her, and that I really liked her... which I think is too early to declare, in my opinion, with women it is better to develop a stronger attraction emotionally first, and THEN tell her that .. but whatever.. I realise it's a mistake now after talking to a few people about it, what do you guys think??

    So after drinks, we decided to .. yeah .. 'smoke' . Long story short, it was just her, me, and a friend left (everyone else left because they were too tired.. and I was going to give her a lift home cos she lives very close to me, but I was surprised she elected to stay with just me and my friend since her other mutual friends left (the ones she originally knows me from), and i've only met her once other than that!). She got really high haha, and yeah was extremely cute, and we generally just had an awesome time - the sun started rising lol, and my friend decided to leave. That left just us, but we only hung out for about 20 minutes after that and left, cos she said she had to get going since she had work the next day at 3pm (I think she might have been feeling guilty about being alone with just me since she had a bf). So I drove her home, and she seemed hesitant to get out? Anyways she said she had a fantastic time, and thanked me for hanging out with her, and i kissed her on the cheek, and asked if i could get one back. She gave me one back, and then I proceeded to go for the kiss her on the lips. (MEGA MISTAKE #2! - Since she has a bf, and she knows I know this, this was a horrible thing to do in hindsight!). She immediately turned away and said 'no!! can't! sorrryyyy'. and I said no problems (ps. this wasn't that awkward a situation or anything at the time). So after she smiled again at me and said 'alright hope I can see you soon, we should hang out again!!!', and I said 'maybe, maybe not ' in a playful tone, and she replied laughing with 'what?? definitely u mean!! ' and she left.

    And that was that.

    Fast forward to now, about 3 days later, and I just got off MSN with her (mind you I realise MSN is an extremely bad way to communicate, and notice in the convo I do attempt to ask if we can talk on the phone instead).

    I saved all the MSN convos into pics, so feel free to click on each one, 'convo1' first obviously, then 2,3,4,5 - Should only take a few minutes to get through all 5.

    Some quick notes to add on all of this before we get onto the MSN convo:

    1. After talking to her close friend (who's also a good friend of mine - ie one of our mutual friends) - he said her boyfriend is 32 (WHAT THE F?), has no career job, and he doesn't like him at all.. well he sorta hates him lol (and she knows that my friend hates him). Oh, and they've only been going out for 3 weeks. He says that she just went out with him cos he was extremely persistant with her but reckons they definitely wont last. Oh and she's 21. (2 years younger than me).

    2. My friend also says she likes persistence (eg. current boyfriend lol), however she's very committed when she's in a relationship and won't ever cheat (which is why it was such a sin to try and kiss her on the lips), and she's a 'long term relationship' type of girl, however I still don't think her current r'ship will last. She also likes 'spontaneous' things ie. driving randomly to her house in the middle of the night (after calling her of course) to see her or something.. he really recommended me do something similar to that as he says she will absolutely be flattered by it. Btw incase you're wondering, he knows her... he knows her VERY well, and yes they're 100% platonic (ie he has no feelings for her) - and he definitely wants us to go out, he HATES her current boyfriend.

    3. She must have told her boyfriend about me or something? (which is a terrible terrible sign btw), because he sent me a facebook message.. YES.. a FACEBOOK message (because he feels threatened by a 23 year old dude obviously!!! Go me! saying: 'stop cracking onto melody dickhead' - in those exact words/punctuation) - He sent that to me the day after we hung out at the park. I just ignored the message, and blocked him. However I think she does not know about him sending me that message just by going by the MSN convo we just had.

    4. I'm posting this on a 'PUA' forum too guys, so I just wanted to make it clear that I don't want her just to have sex with her. That might come later, but right now I really just want to get to know her better, attract her, and yes I DO want to be in a relationship with her - I just don't want to f things up because I really do like her heaps. I've been in 2 x 2 year relationships, (ie had 2 girlfriends which went for 2 years each) so I'm a 'long term' kind of guy.

    So here's the MSN convo, let me know what you guys think! - There are certain parts in the MSN convo where I really do think she's flirting with me, and I'm actually really happy about it, but I don't know if she is or not, as MSN is pretty horrible in terms of communication - What should be my course of action now? I have no idea whether or not to call her soon, ask if she wants to hang out, or just wait till we hang out as a group again, or what? Should I continue talking to her on MSN? During the MSN convo I ask her what she likes in the zoo, then I asked her if she has a colour phone, I was going to send her a picture of the animals she said she likes in the zoo - is that too retarded? Sigh. - She's the one in green, and I'm the one in red:

  2. #2
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: So I am totally falling for this girl, But she has a BF (Cliche, but help!)

    Is there a reader's digest version of this? Seriously man, that is possible the longest post I have ever read through on any of the many different forums on a wide range of topics that I happen to read...

    So to answer your question, let me summarize your post:

    You met a girl at the club, built some initial attraction. She apparently had a boyfriend, but for some reason she was there alone (or at least not with the bf and she was lone wolfing it when you met her. This should already tell you something). You pushed her a little hard and she half rejected but not completely, because you had enough attraction. You got her number and facebook. You got some pretty good Kino going, you played the boyfriend game just right, but you plateaued the kino instead of escalating like you should have. She still liked you, you talked with her on MSN and Facebook and hang out occasionally, and she is always pseudo intimate with you (how did you miss that sign?). She told her boyfriend about you and he sees you as a threat (Another sign).

    In closing this women really wants you to make a move and for some reason you haven't.

    Yep that pretty much covers it. Invite her over and do the deed already. She only has a boyfriend other than you because you haven't stepped up to the plate and shown her that you want her. She wants to jump ship to you.

  3. #3
    Pinai Guest

    Default Re: So I am totally falling for this girl, But she has a BF (Cliche, but help!)

    Indeed. if she is still returning your messages, chatting with you and hanging out with you, then no door has been closed. You just have to step up to the plate and do some serious batting for a home run. Maybe you should also be less talk (sorry, but it's weird for a guy to be explaining everything this detailed) and more action. She may be getting confused herself about what you want from her.

  4. #4
    TopGuy Guest

    Default Re: So I am totally falling for this girl, But she has a BF (Cliche, but help!)

    Keep the fire up bro.. As I can see in your post, you had already established with her a good rapport. Hence, just try not to be boring and be creative in your conversation with her.She might end up get bored.

  5. #5
    Bare_Legs Guest

    Default Re: So I am totally falling for this girl, But she has a BF (Cliche, but help!)

    Could also be that she's just flirting with you to pass the time and amuse herself. If her friend says she's committed like she's married, she may not change her mind however persistent you get. Maybe dating other girls while still being interested with her will help you keep things in perspective.

    You don't want to be investing more on her emotionally since she IS in a relationship right now.

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