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  1. #1
    Artfulmove Guest

    Angry GF pushing me around. Help!

    Hey everyone, I'm new here. I read The Game when I was single and found it very interesting. I had the knowledge of what to do with women in terms of picking them up and other stuff, but never really put it into practise. Anyway, it's a few months on now, and I've landed myself a cool girl.

    I won't go into my life story and hers or much else because I don't think it's really relevant to what I need help with.

    I've been working everyday from 10-4 including weekends leading up till Christmas and havn't seen her a hell of a lot. Maybe like once a week. We've been going out for a couple of months now, but just recently she's been weird with dates and what not.

    In fact there's been a few things that have bothered me, so I'll just list them.

    1) She all of a sudden txts me a couple of hours before we were due to go a movie, saying she mentioned the movie to the friend she was with, and apparently the friend was planning on seeing it, so she invites her too. I told her that she could either go with her friend, or with me, but she somehow swung me around and I ended up going with her and her friend to the movie, with ME left feeling like the third wheel!

    2) I meet up with her last Friday, and 10 minutes into the date, she says she has to leave in about half an hour because she's going to a BBQ. She never told me this prior to the date. Later that evening, she txts me saying that I couldn't stay on the Monday night because she just found out her brother and his gf would be staying (She's still living with her parents and they were going to be out that night. We had planned this date over a week before).

    3) She asks me what I'm doing on the Saturday, and I say I'm free after work at 4, so we agree to meet up then, and because we hadn't got to see each other much, I suggested Sunday same time aswell. Well Saturday comes around and at about 3 she txts me saying she has a friend round and so can't make it. Sunday, same time, she txts me saying she hadn't got her 'work' finished in time to meet me, so said she'd just see me on Monday (Today).

    4) She wanted me to put some music on her memory stick for her, but I ended up loosing it. So I bought her another one with more capacity, and was planning on putting on all the music this weekend just gone. I forgot. She txt me saying that if I didn't have it, there was no point in meeting up and that she had a friend with her anyway, and was going to some sort of party later on so couldn't stay long. I didn't end up getting to see her.

    Btw, my phone broke so I've been getting my friend to txt her today and yesterday and it's been extremely frustrating for the both of us having to argue with her through stupid technology!

    So it's 6pm Monday now, and I'm pretty sure she said she won't be able to meet up tomorrow. She's going out of the country to the Philippines for a month on Wednesday or Thursday too. So this past week I didn't want to upset her or anything just so it's all good before she goes away. But I've come to the conclusion that I've been letting her push me around too much and the relationship isn't going to last if it carries on like this.

    We're both pretty pissed off at each other and things obviously aren't going the best to say the least! Now all this may appear to show that she doesn't want to be with me, but it's impossible to explain the whole situation on the internet, and I can assure you, it isn't as bad as it sounds. She does like me and I like her.

    But I would like some help. I may be able to see her before she goes away on Wednesday/Thursday, so with that possibility in mind, if I do get to see her, how do I go about explaining how I feel about it all? I want to be straight up with her, but I feel that we're not as close as I'd like us to be, and I don't want to give her the wrong ideas when I'm explaining to her how I feel, and it ending in us breaking up. Also, is there anything I should do to/with her or say to her that would make her think more highly of me before she went away? Just so when she comes back she's looking forward to seeing me.

    And finally, do you guys have any tips as to what I should do to make myself a better guy in all areas in the four weeks she's away, just so she's even more impressed with me when she returns?

    Cheers for reading and I look forward to what you guys think!

  2. #2
    Bill Preston's Avatar
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    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    Hey man. She has a friend alright... and it is another guy.

    I don't think you are going to like what I am going to say, but listen up:

    1. She likes someone else - no doubt about it. I've dated enough women and been in your shoes and I can tell for sure that she is either dating or interested in being with someone else.

    2. She treats you like a dog and you are so willing to keep her happy that you are actually rewarding this behavior. I know you are trying to be strong, but you aren't doing it correctly.

    3. The fact that she is leaving for a month should NOT impact how you treat her or how often you see her (unless she is initiating the time). If you continue to be super nice to her (despite her bad behavior) she will lose even more attraction for you.

    4. Breaking up with her is not a bad idea, or at least having the 'I am not sure this is working out conversation". Better for you to start it, then for her. Remember this is not a 'here are my feelings for you', this is a 'this is not working out conversation'. Example: "I like you and think we have a good time together, but I feel that our relationship is not moving in a healthy direction and it might be best for both of us to take a break" or similar.

    5. Do not explain how you feel, she knows you like her. You need to make her wonder if you like her and make her prove that she is worth you liking her. Right now she is acting like aloof and you are the one showing all the interest. Think about it - she is treating you bad and you are telling her you like her (ideally it would be somewhat opposite of that).

    6. If she has the "this isn't working out" conversation, your only reply is "I agree, I think it would be better for us to move on. Maybe in the future, we might be able to craft some sort of friendship or relationship, but it is best for now to not see each other". THAT is a very powerful message to send a girl and as far as I am concerned THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THIS SITUATION.

    7. You also have one-itis and it is killing your game. Even if you are in a relationship, you need to not just concentrate on one girl (until you are engaged or married or whatever). Now I am not saying cheat on her, but avoid exclusivity if possible (if you desire) and also keep your life active with other women (even if friends), clubs, events. Be so busy she is begging to spend time with you.

    I could go on and on, but I think in this case she is playing you. Canceling at the last minute, making changes to plans, inviting other people. These are some of the things that work to make someone attracted to you.. and she is doing it (willingly or subconsciously) to you.

    You need to man up. Cancel on her. Maybe break up with her. Maybe start hanging out with another girl, and texting her that you are busy and can't make your date with her. Go to other events without her. Again - pull the same stuff on her... or break up with her. Those are your two options (if you want any shot with her). But if you continue down this path, she will dump you and you will NEVER have a chance with her in the future. I've seen it a million times.

    This is just my advice, and what I would do if I was in your situation. You need to make your own decision on how to approach this.

    BP
    Last edited by Bill Preston; 12-14-2009 at 09:00 AM.

  3. #3
    Instinct Guest

    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    ^^^ Trust me Dude, this is 100% Correct. I know I often come off as a crude kind of guy on here, but that's just cause I can be so god damned sensitive, and I have been exactly there. Do exactly what Bill says and remember, believe it or not, she isn't the only cute girl (infact she might not even be that hot), she doesn't have the only p*ssy that your c*ck fits into, and she isn't the only person that can make you happy (even though she doesn't even do that). And I know you have yourself believing different to those points, but Bill is going to save you 6-9 months of self pitty and gloom, do EXACTLY what he said, like a catholic to the Pope.

  4. #4
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    Yeah it seems like she's the women on top right now. There's no more advice for me to give as bill and Instinct have done a great job.

    It's interesting to see how much I can learn from people who are actually in a relationship.

    Stay strong and good luck m8.

  5. #5
    Artfulmove Guest

    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bill Preston View Post
    Hey man. She has a friend alright... and it is another guy.

    I don't think you are going to like what I am going to say, but listen up:

    1. She likes someone else - no doubt about it. I've dated enough women and been in your shoes and I can tell for sure that she is either dating or interested in being with someone else.

    2. She treats you like a dog and you are so willing to keep her happy that you are actually rewarding this behavior. I know you are trying to be strong, but you aren't doing it correctly.

    3. The fact that she is leaving for a month should NOT impact how you treat her or how often you see her (unless she is initiating the time). If you continue to be super nice to her (despite her bad behavior) she will lose even more attraction for you.

    4. Breaking up with her is not a bad idea, or at least having the 'I am not sure this is working out conversation". Better for you to start it, then for her. Remember this is not a 'here are my feelings for you', this is a 'this is not working out conversation'. Example: "I like you and think we have a good time together, but I feel that our relationship is not moving in a healthy direction and it might be best for both of us to take a break" or similar.

    5. Do not explain how you feel, she knows you like her. You need to make her wonder if you like her and make her prove that she is worth you liking her. Right now she is acting like aloof and you are the one showing all the interest. Think about it - she is treating you bad and you are telling her you like her (ideally it would be somewhat opposite of that).

    6. If she has the "this isn't working out" conversation, your only reply is "I agree, I think it would be better for us to move on. Maybe in the future, we might be able to craft some sort of friendship or relationship, but it is best for now to not see each other". THAT is a very powerful message to send a girl and as far as I am concerned THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE THIS SITUATION.

    7. You also have one-itis and it is killing your game. Even if you are in a relationship, you need to not just concentrate on one girl (until you are engaged or married or whatever). Now I am not saying cheat on her, but avoid exclusivity if possible (if you desire) and also keep your life active with other women (even if friends), clubs, events. Be so busy she is begging to spend time with you.

    I could go on and on, but I think in this case she is playing you. Canceling at the last minute, making changes to plans, inviting other people. These are some of the things that work to make someone attracted to you.. and she is doing it (willingly or subconsciously) to you.

    You need to man up. Cancel on her. Maybe break up with her. Maybe start hanging out with another girl, and texting her that you are busy and can't make your date with her. Go to other events without her. Again - pull the same stuff on her... or break up with her. Those are your two options (if you want any shot with her). But if you continue down this path, she will dump you and you will NEVER have a chance with her in the future. I've seen it a million times.

    This is just my advice, and what I would do if I was in your situation. You need to make your own decision on how to approach this.

    BP
    Yeah thanks man. I suppose I don't really want it to be true! I'm not doubting you once, because I know you know exactly what you're talking about, but as I said, it's really hard to give you guys the full situation over the internet. Again, I'm not going against you here, but I don't think it is another guy. I really don't.

    But yeah I will definitely be more straight up with her, start cancelling dates myself, and trying to kill that oneitis I have for her.

    It's just that she's going away for a month, and I do want a shot with her, so I want to make sure when she gets back she still wants to be with me. I'll keep you posted as to whether I meet up with her again within the next few days. But in the mean time, cheers for all the advice and replies.

  6. #6
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    I think this advice needs to be handed out at birth to men. Their lives would be so much easier and better.

  7. #7
    bloodDiamond Guest

    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Artfulmove View Post
    Yeah thanks man. I suppose I don't really want it to be true! I'm not doubting you once, because I know you know exactly what you're talking about, but as I said, it's really hard to give you guys the full situation over the internet. Again, I'm not going against you here, but I don't think it is another guy. I really don't.

    But yeah I will definitely be more straight up with her, start cancelling dates myself, and trying to kill that oneitis I have for her.

    It's just that she's going away for a month, and I do want a shot with her, so I want to make sure when she gets back she still wants to be with me. I'll keep you posted as to whether I meet up with her again within the next few days. But in the mean time, cheers for all the advice and replies.
    That's a great idea. Before she leaves, make something worthwhile for your relationship to workout. One month is quite long without communication. So it would be best if you talk things over before she leaves, just to clarify things up.

  8. #8
    Artfulmove Guest

    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by bloodDiamond View Post
    That's a great idea. Before she leaves, make something worthwhile for your relationship to workout. One month is quite long without communication. So it would be best if you talk things over before she leaves, just to clarify things up.
    I'm working on it man. Saw he very, very briefly today. It was horrible. I gave her her memory stick and she pretty much left. I was with a couple of mates at the time, so that might have had something to do with it, and I think she was in a rush somewhere anyway (Like genuinely, not just an excuse this time). It was really awkward.

    My phone, as I said, is fucked up so I can't really contact her. I managed to send her a txt just saying that as soon as she got the opportunity, to go on MSN so we could atleast have a lengthy conversation and clear a few things up, even if I wasn't able to see her again before she goes.

    We'll see. Other than that, it doesn't look like I'll be seeing her for another month. It's gonna be a good break from all the drama though, and I hope that when she comes back we can start anew.

    I know The Game and all the top PUAs tell you not to worry yourself over one girl, and to interact with as many as possible, but that really isn't a reality in my situation, so I want to hang on to her for the time being. That's just a personal decision, and the help I'm wanting is on how to make a success out of that.

  9. #9
    Mystery_wannabe Guest

    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Artfulmove View Post
    I'm working on it man. Saw he very, very briefly today. It was horrible. I gave her her memory stick and she pretty much left. I was with a couple of mates at the time, so that might have had something to do with it, and I think she was in a rush somewhere anyway (Like genuinely, not just an excuse this time). It was really awkward.

    My phone, as I said, is farked up so I can't really contact her. I managed to send her a txt just saying that as soon as she got the opportunity, to go on MSN so we could atleast have a lengthy conversation and clear a few things up, even if I wasn't able to see her again before she goes.

    We'll see. Other than that, it doesn't look like I'll be seeing her for another month. It's gonna be a good break from all the drama though, and I hope that when she comes back we can start anew.

    I know The Game and all the top PUAs tell you not to worry yourself over one girl, and to interact with as many as possible, but that really isn't a reality in my situation, so I want to hang on to her for the time being. That's just a personal decision, and the help I'm wanting is on how to make a success out of that.
    To gain success out of lost traction is to not appear as needy. One way of helping yourself do that is if you diversify your investment. It's why GnG and Bill have been pushing the idea of meeting new people.

    If your energy is too focused onto her you would subconsciously become needy. If you want to rebuild traction, any form of text messaging (including but not limited to MSN) is a bad idea because she can't really see your facial expression and this works vice versa. How can you tell if her phrase of "I miss you" is genuine or if she's got a smirk on her face?

    I would take bill's advice but put a spin on it. Call her and say something like "Hey, we've been busy with our own lives and we haven't had time to catch up. And to be honest, I don't feel like our relationship is working out. But before I do anything irrational, I'm willing to give it one more chance. How about meeting up at X for a drink before you go?"

    Make sure X is a place with decent environment for you guys to talk. If it's romantic, this would be a plus.

    If she says yes, it means she still care about the relationship. If she says "sry, maybe when I come back" or something along those lines then you have a clear indicator to move on.

    As a guy who'se been through many rejections and clipping points in making decisions about a girl, I hate 1 thing in this "game" and that is not knowing which direction I'm heading. I hate it when I don't know if I should be working the girl or if I should leave her. This would put your mind to rest.

    My 2 cents.

  10. #10
    Artfulmove Guest

    Default Re: GF pushing me around. Help!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystery_wannabe View Post
    To gain success out of lost traction is to not appear as needy. One way of helping yourself do that is if you diversify your investment. It's why GnG and Bill have been pushing the idea of meeting new people.

    If your energy is too focused onto her you would subconsciously become needy. If you want to rebuild traction, any form of text messaging (including but not limited to MSN) is a bad idea because she can't really see your facial expression and this works vice versa. How can you tell if her phrase of "I miss you" is genuine or if she's got a smirk on her face?

    I would take bill's advice but put a spin on it. Call her and say something like "Hey, we've been busy with our own lives and we haven't had time to catch up. And to be honest, I don't feel like our relationship is working out. But before I do anything irrational, I'm willing to give it one more chance. How about meeting up at X for a drink before you go?"

    Make sure X is a place with decent environment for you guys to talk. If it's romantic, this would be a plus.

    If she says yes, it means she still care about the relationship. If she says "sry, maybe when I come back" or something along those lines then you have a clear indicator to move on.

    As a guy who'se been through many rejections and clipping points in making decisions about a girl, I hate 1 thing in this "game" and that is not knowing which direction I'm heading. I hate it when I don't know if I should be working the girl or if I should leave her. This would put your mind to rest.

    My 2 cents.
    She came on MSN. I told her I was sorry for not getting her memory stick to her on time (So petty), but was also straight up, asking why she couldn't make it the last 3 days. I'm not gonna go into what she said, but we both put all the drama down to all the misunderstandings through getting my friend to txt her on my behalf.

    I was also honest and suggested that we should properly meet up before she leaves in a couple of days. I told her I understood she would be busy packing and stuff, but that she should try and find time to meet up, even if it was only 20 mins.

    But she said sorry, no she couldn't because she had a hell of a lot of packing to do, which is fair enough. Yes, you guys will probably see that as her once again avoiding me and not wanting to see me, and of course there's the possibility you're perfectly right, but I'm not letting her go just yet. We'll have a break from each other when she's out of the country, but I'll definitely talk to her again when she comes back, and just see how things go from there.

    Thanks heaps guys for all your advice and wish me luck! (I will be re-reading 'The Game', maybe buying another good PUA/Attraction book, and will be spending more time on PUA Forums in the mean time, to try and improve my Game).

    Thanks again.


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