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Thread: Argument with gf of 2 years

  1. #1
    Dodevu is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Argument with gf of 2 years

    I'm 21 and my girlfriend is 20 and I've been with her for over 2 years and things lately have started to become dull/boring. Sometimes when I ask if we should see each other today she would say 'I don't mind' etc and it got annoying as she always used to want to see me.

    Finally it got too much and I told her about it and we had quite a big argument how I'm pathetic and why would it bother me etc etc and put the phone down on me and she said night and I didn't reply. I was going to leave it as that for a few days with NC but in the morning she text me asking if I had her credit card so I replied.

    We had another argument later on today and she called me pathetic again and I just stopped texting and left it at that, then she finished work about 2 hours ago and she text me telling me she's finished work and I reply okay and so did she.

    Question

    Now after every argument we always make little contact as possible, like morning - morning, finished - okay, night - night. So I was wondering if I should even reply to her blunt texts and just not respond? And after so long when do you think I should respond to her texts? Bearing in mind last time I didn't reply to her texts for a day she went crazy saying I crossed a line etc.

    We both love each other but it's getting to the point where we're arguing too much and it's getting ridiculous, thanks for reading.

  2. #2
    Bimmer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    I was wondering why she was calling you pathetic until I got to the end. She's in complete control of the relationship whether you believe that or not. She treats you like a bitch, yet you're still around. You might be blunt with your texts too, but you're mirroring her.. not the other way around.

    If you want this to work, you have to start being a man with her. At the same time, it's hard to change how you interact with a woman you've been with for 2 years.
    I wish I was little bit taller
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    I wish I had a girl who looked good
    I would call her - Skee Lo, the OG AFC

  3. #3
    Dodevu is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    Quote Originally Posted by Bimmer View Post
    I was wondering why she was calling you pathetic until I got to the end. She's in complete control of the relationship whether you believe that or not. She treats you like a bitch, yet you're still around. You might be blunt with your texts too, but you're mirroring her.. not the other way around.

    If you want this to work, you have to start being a man with her. At the same time, it's hard to change how you interact with a woman you've been with for 2 years.
    Thanks for reply and I know what you mean about needing to start being a man just don't know right way about it, as I don't want to push her away but at the same time I want to be the one in control, have you got any ideas of what I should do? Should I stop mirroring her? Sorry for being beginner haven't really needed to do any of this for 2 years, thanks.

  4. #4
    Bimmer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    Like I said, at this point, it's a hard task to take on. You acted one way with her for 2 years, now all of a sudden you're going to nut up (no offence). She's going to take it as you just being mean if she isn't use to assertive behavior coming from you.

    I wouldn't mirror her, seems pointless. People want what they can't have, so trying becoming a busy person and don't make yourself too available.
    I wish I was little bit taller
    I wish I was a baller
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  5. #5
    Dodevu is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    Quote Originally Posted by Bimmer View Post
    Like I said, at this point, it's a hard task to take on. You acted one way with her for 2 years, now all of a sudden you're going to nut up (no offence). She's going to take it as you just being mean if she isn't use to assertive behavior coming from you.

    I wouldn't mirror her, seems pointless. People want what they can't have, so trying becoming a busy person and don't make yourself too available.
    Ok thanks, I won't text back and I'm sure in a day or two she'll keep texting. Thing is I think she knows she is in control as I don't really have any friends beside her. I just want her to stop being in control but seems hard.

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    Hey man, this girl is attracted to you but you may be failing some shit tests.she is also very smart and has deviced her own way of reconcillation.you obviously want this on your terms.depends on what you both disagree on.. etc.

  7. #7
    TheDuke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    Ok, so I'm going to tell you exactly what your problem is and your not going to listen to me. In a few days, weeks, months, or even possibly years, this relationship will end and you'll be left wondering what happened. Then you'll come online and see that what I'm going to say was true.

    So anyways, to the advice. You're not playing the leader in the relationship. Right now you are taking a back seat and being a "nice guy." What this has done is created an imbalance in your relationship, wherefore your girlfriend is currently taking on the masculine role and you're taking on the feminine role. This will kill (maybe has killed) your relationship, because a woman playing the masculine role will not feel safe, needed or feminine.

    So how can you change it? Let's start with some mandatory reading. If you really want to become a better man (you may salvage your relationship, or you may not, either way your goal should be being a better man), then go out and buy these two books now and start reading.
    1. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
    2. The Tao Of Badass by Josh Pellicer (this may or may not be available in PDF format on the web)
    Ok, so what do you do in the meantime? Good question! The biggest thing you need to start doing is leading. This means you need to start making the decisions in the relationship and reclaiming your status as the man. An alpha male makes the decisions in his relationships, he still considers his partner's feelings, but he makes the decisions. Your first post starts with, "I ask if we should see each other today." WRONG!!! If you want to see her, you see her. If you want to go and watch the football game at the bar, you go watch the fucking football game at the bar.

    Next, you need to work at separating your "self" from your relationship. This means doing things for you, making new friends, reconnecting with old friends and family. Right now you lack confidence and self-esteem (regardless of whether you think this isn't true--it is true). Write down some positive affirmations and start saying them daily.

    If you're struggling to make changes, go get counseling. Most people feel really negative about counseling, but the truth is that it can be a place to vocalize what you're feeling and just the act of vocalizing something can be very beneficial.

    Finally, STOP supplicating to this woman. I'm willing to bet you do everything for her. In fact, I'm willing to bet that you do so much for her and you're scared to let her do anything for you. Stop doing shit for her completely if you have to.

    Anyways, I hope you listen (you won't), but at the very least get those books and read them.

    Good luck!
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

  8. #8
    DirectIsBest's Avatar
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    TheDuke hit it spot on. It's over man. She doesn't respect you. You should break up with her because it will end. Make it end on your terms before she ends it herself or finds another man and ends it. This will crush you. I say move on. When a relationship gets to this point its almost impossible to recover it.

  9. #9
    Dodevu is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    Quote Originally Posted by TheDuke View Post
    Ok, so I'm going to tell you exactly what your problem is and your not going to listen to me. In a few days, weeks, months, or even possibly years, this relationship will end and you'll be left wondering what happened. Then you'll come online and see that what I'm going to say was true.

    So anyways, to the advice. You're not playing the leader in the relationship. Right now you are taking a back seat and being a "nice guy." What this has done is created an imbalance in your relationship, wherefore your girlfriend is currently taking on the masculine role and you're taking on the feminine role. This will kill (maybe has killed) your relationship, because a woman playing the masculine role will not feel safe, needed or feminine.



    So how can you change it? Let's start with some mandatory reading. If you really want to become a better man (you may salvage your relationship, or you may not, either way your goal should be being a better man), then go out and buy these two books now and start reading.
    1. No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
    2. The Tao Of Badass by Josh Pellicer (this may or may not be available in PDF format on the web)
    Ok, so what do you do in the meantime? Good question! The biggest thing you need to start doing is leading. This means you need to start making the decisions in the relationship and reclaiming your status as the man. An alpha male makes the decisions in his relationships, he still considers his partner's feelings, but he makes the decisions. Your first post starts with, "I ask if we should see each other today." WRONG!!! If you want to see her, you see her. If you want to go and watch the football game at the bar, you go watch the farking football game at the bar.

    Next, you need to work at separating your "self" from your relationship. This means doing things for you, making new friends, reconnecting with old friends and family. Right now you lack confidence and self-esteem (regardless of whether you think this isn't true--it is true). Write down some positive affirmations and start saying them daily.

    If you're struggling to make changes, go get counseling. Most people feel really negative about counseling, but the truth is that it can be a place to vocalize what you're feeling and just the act of vocalizing something can be very beneficial.

    Finally, STOP supplicating to this woman. I'm willing to bet you do everything for her. In fact, I'm willing to bet that you do so much for her and you're scared to let her do anything for you. Stop doing shit for her completely if you have to.

    Anyways, I hope you listen (you won't), but at the very least get those books and read them.

    Good luck!
    Wow thanks, and I agree with everything you say and yes I do think a lot of her and do everything for her. I'm defo gonna try and take the leading role as we even had a convo about who is the boss of this relationship and she even said her and I just joked it off but in reality it is her!

    She text me apologizing and asked to see me today but I text back saying no, we'll do something tomorrow instead and she was kinda okay about it. (Not sure if this was the right way to go about it would like advice)

    But if anything like this happens again (which I'm sure it will soon) I've promised to myself I'm not gonna be a pu$$y about it and just ignore her texts for a while and take it from there.

    DirectIsBest - I agree direct is best however that's a bit harsh haha, this is my longest relationship and I don't really wanna end it as it's hard, I want to try and recover it if possible.

    Thanks for advice all, more is appreciated.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: Argument with gf of 2 years

    It's not necessarily "over," but it is on the ropes. Listen, I had a relationship that got to this point several times and I was able to recoup from it for several years, but my changes were always temporary. As the relationship fell back into some semblance of normal I would always slide back into old patterns of behavior. You likely will too unless you go out and do something about it.

    Please, go buy the books I told you to buy and read them in the order I told you to read them. The first one will help you understand why you are the way you are, which is necessary for any real recovery. The second one will give you tools on how to handle the relationship dynamics moving forward.

    As for your text about doing shit tomorrow instead of today, IMO that's fine as long as that's what you wanted. Don't say "no" just to say "no." Do shit because you want to do shit. But like I said in my first post, I'd stop doing stuff for her for a little while, because I don't think you're equipped to decide whether you're doing something for your sake or if you doing something for dubious reasons.

    Go buy the books, they'll change your perspective.
    "It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."


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