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Thread: Attraction Help

  1. #1
    TheGodWhoComes Guest

    Default Attraction Help

    Hey, new here and looking for advice. I wrote a lengthy post but had to log in again, and it deleted everything gah.. probably better this way -- it needed to be condensed!

    Here's a few things you should probably know:

    ABOUT ME: I'm 21 and in college. Pretty smart, fairly good-looking, well traveled and pretty interesting if I say so myself. I'm introverted, but not particularly "shy" and have good social skills. So, I have no big glaring innate problems with myself.

    THE GIRL: I'll call her "Laura". She's absolutely gorgeous, petite, asian, very exotic looking.. pretty much looks like something out of Need for Speed Tokyo Drift. She's a social butterfly and a wild party girl, though not slutty or trashy despite first impressions. Very funny, very outgoing, friendly and fun to be around. I have a huge crush on her, but I hide it fairly well.

    BACKSTORY: I met her about 8 months ago at a party. She caught my eye and I was compelled to meet her -- I had to. Added her on facebook a few days later and talked to her using facebook chat every few days. This lasted about a month, and I ended up having some pretty decent conversations. I am pretty smooth when it comes to text-based communication, but was hesistant to meet her in person (more on that later). I saw her at another party and spoke to her then during this time, but outside of that there was no physical presence. Eventually it kind of died off.

    Until about 2 months later when she gave me a random text message. I had given her my number before but I didn't even think she had stored it in her phone, so I was suprised when she texted me asking if I was trying to party. I ended up seeing her that night, and despite being very drunk, had a good time. I then started hanging out with her more, and texting her a bit more. We mostly hung out at parties but chilled outside of that a few times too. I was not aggressive at this time and was still a bit nervous and hesitant around her, besides she had a boyfriend at the time.

    Summer comes around and she leaves for a few months. I keep in touch, she came down a few times and would let me know when she was in town (or I would inquire when she would next be in town). More hanging out and partying, more inaction on my part.

    Eventually school started up again and it picked up basically where it left off. Shortly after the semester started I started hanging out with her very seldom, though would still ocassionally send a text message. I started getting in the Mindset that she was probably incompatible with me. Recently, I have started hanging out with her a bit more, and I learned a few more things about her and getting good vibes from her and I'm more attracted than ever.

    THE ISSUE: Basically I want her to feel attraction towards me. I'm ready to be more aggressive now, but I'm a bit unsure how to tackle this.

    First off, I know 8 months is a long time to wait, but I do not think I am trapped in the "friendzone". I've never hung out with her more than maybe 3-5 times a month, I've kept my distance a bit because 1) I play very conservatively towards girls I'm really interested in and 2) I absolutely do not want to get into the friendzone, so have avoided getting "too close". Getting close to her isn't really an issue (shes friendly and open enough), I just didn't want to do it without being aggressive because I knew I'd get mired in the friendzone.

    I text her fairly often. Not everyday, not even every other day really. I'm very careful not to overburden her with texting her all the time, or calling her all the time... I feel like I'm bugging her or annoying her, despite not really getting any indication that she actually feels that way (all in my head I know). Problem is, I find it very hard to actually hang out with her. I often ask what she's doing, if she wants to hang out or get some food/coffee... 90% it's a no with some sort of seemingly legit excuse. I'm starting to get suspicious that she is blowing me off, but again that could be me imagining things. However, if I text/call her at night, I'll almost always get an invitation to come meet her at a party (like I said she parties a lot).

    I don't really get the impression that she is attracted to me, but I also don't get any indications that she is uninterested either. She acknowledges me if she sees me, smiles, hugs and says "Hi" enthusiatically, which sounds good but.. she's just friendly and social by nature, she does this to everyone. Recently I went to a party she invited me to, but couldn't find her.. I called and she said she was upstairs talking to someone. I responded that I would leave if she didnt come down, and about 2 minutes later she surprises me with a big hug from behind. I say hey, socialize and eventually leave to another part of the party.. I'm very careful not to seem needy or follow her around, the absolute LAST THING I want is for her to find me annoying or creepy. Eventually I talk to another girl and start flirting with her.. but Laura comes in and semi-interupts and has a conversation with me (!!!!! Good sign for sure right?). We have a pretty good conversation there and even throw in some light flirting (I almost never flirt with her, again with the conservative play, its lame I know). However I'm a bit unsure if she is just giving me attention because she actually is attracted to me, or just hasnt seem me for a few weeks. Later that night, I do break the touch barrier on the couch, and we kind of both half-lay down on the couch and speak breifly.. nothing too intimate but definitely within her personal space.

    It was a good night and I felt very confident about my chances with her and I'm more relaxed and comfortable around her than ever.. this was last week, and I've been texting her more often this week. Usually I only texted her to see if she wanted to do something, but I've been just asking how shes been doing on finals, how shes doing etc. Most of the time she gives me a response.

    SO BASICALLY.. I'm really into this girl and thanks to some personal courage and good vibes I've been getting lately I'm ready to be more aggressive here. I'm just not sure what to do here. I know it sounds like she's into me, but remember: she's very good looking, very social and gets a lot of attention from guys; the way she acts around me isn't anything particularly special. I don't think she sees me in a sexual or romantic right now (though, I suppose it is possible), but I think if I play my cards right I can totally get her to feel that way.

    Any tips or suggestions? Like I said before, I have little luck trying to hang out with her outside of parties. She also doesnt use IM or anything so it's hard to have a good decent conversation with her to bond. Should I remain persistant here in trying to get her to hang out with me one on one? How should I approach this and get her to become attracted to me?

  2. #2
    TheGodWhoComes Guest

    Default Re: Attraction Help

    Eh guess it ended up being long anyways..

    One more thing to note: I am also friends with her cousin, who is also her roommate and best friend. She is also gorgeous, and I'm actually more comfortable with her, mostly because she is a bit more of a sweetheart and well.. it helps that Im not as attracted to her and that she is in a serious relationship. Anyways, Laura's cousin who I will call "Sandy", from what I can tell likes me a whole lot. I flirt with her lightly (because im more comfortable with her) and help her with one of her classes I took last year. She's even sent me random "I miss you!" text messages. I see this as a HUGE advantage, because it has me in with Laura's best friend, cousin and roommate all in one. Thus, making it highly unlikely that Laura would be inclined to dislike me since Sandy holds me in high regard.

    Do you think I should take advantage of this, and try to get Sandy to maybe pull some strings for me, or maybe consult her for advice on how to win Laura?

  3. #3
    TheGodWhoComes Guest

    Default Re: Attraction Help

    TL;DR Version: Really into this girl I sparingly hang out with for 8 months. Seems potentially interested at times. Having difficulty in trying to spend time with her outside of parties. Trying to break out of playing it conservatively and need help trying to get her to view me sexually/romantically.

  4. #4
    Ambition Guest

    Default Re: Attraction Help

    Wow dude, just a few posts?

    You have two options.

    1) Get your game ready, and rock that game on her at a party. Get some dhv stuff ready, make her and other girls laugh, Isolate, build comfort and then kiss close.

    2) Work the text game more, but end it by inviting her out with you. Open with my new favorite text (thanks Bill) "did u hear? aliens are coming to earth. yes, this is no joke. they have come to gather all the sexy ass people! u will be fine, im just texting to say goodbye." Then get some flirty convo going. After a few texts, send "I'm going to place X at time X on date x. Let's go have some fun." Note that it's not a question, nor are you setting anything up. You're saying that you have plans for yourself, and you are telling her to go. If she says yes, you're golden. If she says no, respond with "Really? I thought you had better taste than that :-P" (I like emoticons).

    Anyone else have thoughts?

  5. #5
    TheGodWhoComes Guest

    Default Re: Attraction Help

    Thanks for the response, and I apologize for the obnoxiously long post and triple post!

    1) Yes, I definitely want to step it up at the party scene. Problem is, she gets a lot of attention, and it can be difficult to get her isolated. What's a good technique to Isolate her without following her around and waiting for an opportunity?

    Also, what exactly is "dhv"?

    2) I'm getting much more comfortable with the texting game, and that text is pretty golden though I might have to modify it slightly, its something that's a bit out of character for me to say. I invite her out fairly often, and I do it almost exactly like you said. I make a point not to make it a question and make it a statement. Thing is, I generally dont start out flirty and usually just send the invitation directly. The response to if she says no sounds good, but usually gives me some lengthy excuse as to why she can't hang out. Example: "I'm about to go to class, then take a nap, then my friend is coming into town blah blah blah blah". It really is starting to make me a bit suspicious. How do I even respond to that? Usually I just don't.

  6. #6
    Ambition Guest

    Default Re: Attraction Help

    If you want to Isolate at a party and she's surrounded by guys, I personally say be bold about it. Stare her directly in the eye with a big warm smile, extend your hand and say "Come talk to me." Then when she grabs your hand, literally lead her to a private part of the room and run your game. Squeeze your hand once during the walk. If she squeezes back, she's into you.

    dhv is demonstrate higher value. Read The Game and you'll get it.

    How often do you invite her out? I have a golden rule that if a girl says no twice, I delete her number. It saves you a ton of heart ache. If a girl ever says no, that's a strike. The only time that's different is if she offers a counter date, like "I can't make it tonight, but how about Saturday?" etc. But even then you're running into trouble, because accepting a counter date puts her into control.

    As far as the out of character stuff, that's the whole point. Get out of your comfort zone. Say and do things that aren't you, because the things that are you aren't working. It's a harsh reality we all have to face. Eventually you reach a point of congruence, where the things that aren't you and the things that are you meet somewhere in the middle, but in the beginning this is going to feel very awkward.

    And just a quick tip of advice, in most human interaction, an honest excuse is short. If someone gives you one single reason why they cannot do whatever you're asking, they are usually telling the truth. If someone gives you a long winded answer, either with multiple things going on or just a ton of detail about the one thing they've said, they are usually lying. It means they aren't sure which answer is going to get you to leave them alone, so they throw out a few, hoping one of them sticks. Keep that in mind the next time she gives you an excuse.

  7. #7
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: Attraction Help

    ^^^^What he said.

    A little something I learned when I first started out:
    If you suddenly become way more confident and assertive, the woman will notice, but it is a good thing. I was always afraid that when I hung out with women I knew from before, that they would be confused or react negatively by my sudden personality shift. They did notice, many of them commented on it, but it was NEVER a bad thing. Not only that, the dramatic shift forces them re-evaluate you as a person and a sexual interest. In my experience, the new you is likely to score very high on this new judgment call. The only way you can mess it up is IF (and this is a big if) you fail to continue the new you.

  8. #8
    TheGodWhoComes Guest

    Default Re: Attraction Help

    Thanks for the advice.

    I had sent her that text you suggested last night. No response, which is a bit discouraging. I ended up calling a different girl and got her to agree to hang out with me Thursday.

    I leave for back home on Friday for winter break. She lives fairly close to me back home (15-20 minutes), should I still pursue this over break? Should I continue trying the text game? If so, how long should I wait since my first text got no response?
    Last edited by TheGodWhoComes; 12-16-2009 at 09:17 PM.

  9. #9
    Pinai Guest

    Default Re: Attraction Help

    I feel like you really, really, really like this girl and that is impeding you from being cool about asking her out. I didn't read your entire post but anyway, if you have asked her out out 2-3 times with lackluster results, I guess the best thing for you to do is just back off. If she was mildly interested in the first place but was juts playing you, then having you ambivalent to her presence might just stir her up into action. But if she doesn't appear regretful that you're no longer vying for her affections, then at least you saved yourself from being rejected pointblank.

  10. #10
    gunsnglory is offline Official PUA Forums Moderator
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    Default Re: Attraction Help

    Nice post Pinai!

    We need more women on the forum who actually understand pick-up!


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