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  • 1 Post By TomInVegas

Thread: How to establish early the frame that you are not "the provider"?

  1. #1
    rooker is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to establish early the frame that you are not "the provider"?

    How early do you establish this (after how many dates), and how do you say it in a classy matter-of-fact this-is-the-way-it-is way?

    First date, guy pays for the drinks. And the pool or the bowling or whatever activity. Fine.
    Second date, should you pay for everything? Third date? At what point should she pay? You have to train her that you're not the provider and you have to establish this early on. You want her to be invested.

    Do you say, "Next time you're taking me out for drinks, dinner etc" - and hold her to it ("so, where are you taking me for dinner?") Or, do you say, "you're buying the next round." Or Come with me to the game we'll be going dutch." Or "Go out with me On Monday You pay for the ferry tickets and I'll pay for lunch." Do you come right out and say "I believe today's modern woman should pay for dates equally with the man so next time you pick up the tab". "There should be mutuality in every aspect [of a relationship], including spending"

    The old view is that whoever suggests the date pays for the date. Since the guy is almost always asking the girl out, it can be a bit awkward to establish that the man is asking but the girl is paying....

    How do you guys handle this?

  2. #2
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    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to establish early the frame that you are not "the provider"?

    Taking a girl out and paying doesnt really make you the provider in my opinion. Sometimes she may even think you're a jerk/ cheap if you take her out and want her to pay for the date. If you really want her to pay just joke about and say " ooh you're going to have to pay tonight if you want to take me home tonight, I love a independent woman who knows how to take care of her man."
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    TomInVegas's Avatar
    TomInVegas is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to establish early the frame that you are not "the provider"?

    Quote Originally Posted by rooker View Post
    How early do you establish this (after how many dates), and how do you say it in a classy matter-of-fact this-is-the-way-it-is way?

    First date, guy pays for the drinks. And the pool or the bowling or whatever activity. Fine.
    Second date, should you pay for everything? Third date? At what point should she pay? You have to train her that you're not the provider and you have to establish this early on. You want her to be invested.

    Do you say, "Next time you're taking me out for drinks, dinner etc" - and hold her to it ("so, where are you taking me for dinner?") Or, do you say, "you're buying the next round." Or Come with me to the game we'll be going dutch." Or "Go out with me On Monday You pay for the ferry tickets and I'll pay for lunch." Do you come right out and say "I believe today's modern woman should pay for dates equally with the man so next time you pick up the tab". "There should be mutuality in every aspect [of a relationship], including spending"

    The old view is that whoever suggests the date pays for the date. Since the guy is almost always asking the girl out, it can be a bit awkward to establish that the man is asking but the girl is paying....

    How do you guys handle this?
    The very best way to not be in the provider frame is to F Close her on the first night that you meet her. She will rarely think that you're her sugar daddy after that.

    If that's not possible, then you need to design your dates to be as fun, but also as inexpensive, as possible. You need to do this, even if you're a millionaire and can easily pay for everything. If fact, it's even more important if you Are a millionaire.

    Taking a girl for drinks at a bar that's close to your place is a great first date. We have a hotel/bar here in Vegas that has a lot of games and activities that are completely free, like life sized Jenga. It's virtually a free date, but its still a Lot of Fun. We also have an outdoor shopping mall area that has lots of cool bars, stores and parks. These are all really good date places to take girls.

    Don't ever do dinner dates until after you F Close a girl, if then. It puts you completely in a provider frame and will only hurt your chances of sleeping with her. It's not because you are cheap, it just communicates the wrong message to her and puts a lot more pressure on her too.
    Hit me up if you're thinking about coming to Vegas. It's the Best City for Game in the World.


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