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  • 4 Post By I.M.Mortal
  • 1 Post By Sal_Paradise

Thread: What do I do after a flake??

  1. #1
    Sal_Paradise's Avatar
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    Default What do I do after a flake??

    Went on 2 dates with this girl. The first one was especially great. We were both like, "Wow, this is really awesome." Made out in the car and sent her home. Second date was a quick one at the dog park. I went in for the hug and she kissed me on the cheek.

    In between dates I didn't text much. Basically got into contact to set things up. One date she canceled. But she almost always responded to texts positively.

    Anyways, after not talking to her for 4-5 days I texted her and set up a date to go to the park. The day came, I called her a bit we were supposed to meet up and left a voicemail. No response, nothing.

    This was Saturday and I haven't contacted her at all since and she hasn't contacted me. Does this mean she's not interested? Is there anything I can do at this point?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    Honestly she might be busy and couldn't text you back. You can Either cut your losses and move on or you actually try again. Like in reality everyone is going to get flaked on, rejected and all that, but the ones that rebound from it are the ones that get better. I take flakes personally sometimes too but you have to realize that crap happens and she has a life. So text her back again and see what's up or you can wait and see of she will text you( probably not a good idea if you haven't build enough rapport.)
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  3. #3
    Sal_Paradise's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    Sounds reasonable. Thanks for the reply.

    But I feel like if I get in contact again, I have to address the fact that she flaked. It's ok with me if a girl says that she can't make it for whatever reason, but not ok if she just doesn't respond. To me that's rude.

    But I think saying this could come off as chastising, needy or both. How can show that I respect myself and my time and still get in touch with her?

  4. #4
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    I agree with Marvilo. You never know what is going on in a girl's life. There could be other priorities, she could be busy with work, drama, etc. For all you know, worst case scenario, she could be seeing someone else as well. Hell it happened to me (the girl was not smart enough posting her life on instagram).

    One way to deal with it (and it was brought up in various post) is to joke around and look unaffected. Very important to look unaffected. It demonstrates your value that you don't rely on her to make your life fulfilling as you got other things going on for you.

    Best way I handle things like this is when you do seeing her again joke around/be playful about it (be careful not to be sarcastic)

    If she is not responding to your text try re-engaging with something like:

    "Well clearly you ran off to join the circus. When you finish braiding the bearded lady’s face, shoot me a quick text. I have a question for you."

    OR "You’re so annoying to get a hold of! It’s so cute though, you’re so confused and disorganized. It’s like you’re my bratty little sister. I don’t even think I’m attracted to you anymore, I just want to take care of you and help you get organized like a big brother."

    OR when you do see her, you can just ask her if "Everything is okay? You haven't heard from her in a while" and you thought she got abducted by aliens. Hopefully they were the hot Channing Tatum kind and not the green ugly ones.

    If you are getting too butt-hurt over not getting a response, time to look at your own self-development. If you are generating your own fun, and you have a vibe about yourself and you think this is fun, you are going to come off as very non-needy and very attractive. A high value individual just doesn't give a sh1t. He's got other things going on for him.

    She sounds like a high interest target, so I wouldn't sweat it. And nothing is stopping you from seeing other girls as well.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    Good post, Mortal. (30 char).....
    Always be honest with women. That's the true meaning of a PUA.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    Thanks a lot for the post, Mortal. This seems to make a lot of sense and yeah, I was definitely letting it get to me too much. Even thinking about deleting the number at the time.

    I'm a little bit confused by exactly what you're suggesting here. I haven't talked to her at all since this. Are you saying it would be good to say something jokey like "I thought you were abducted by aliens" in the first text or are you saying I should just ignore it and say one of these things if she doesn't respond?

    Or does it really not matter and I just need to show that it doesn't affect me?

  7. #7
    Sal_Paradise's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    How about,

    "Guessing you were abducted by aliens. Shoot me a text if they bring you back earth side."

    Simple, shows I don't care, and a little jokey. Also, today is Tuesday and we were gong to go out on Saturday. Not sure if that matters.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    Yea, that works perfectly. I'll clarify.

    If she hasn't been responding to your texts prior (and you two had no contact since), then do the re-engaging text and leave it at that. Two things are going to happen. Either she responds or she doesn't.

    If she does, continue setting up dates as you would. "Ask if her if everything is okay" and joke that you were worried that the aliens conducted some experiments on her. Chances are she will laugh it off and tell you why she was gone.

    If she doesn't, you can 1) Say fvck it and move on 2) But since she was a high interest target, I'd give it a rest. Keep her in your texting rotation while you go out with other girls. Maintain playful persistence. Once in a while shoot her a text, while keeping low expectations. Eventually, she may respond or until another girl comes along and swipes your interest.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: What do I do after a flake??

    I sent the text out earlier today and as of now, no response.

    If that continues to be the case I'll do what you recommend and shoot her a message once in a while. Regardless, this is a good exercise in keeping my ego in check and being indifferent to what a girl does.

    Thanks a lot for the help, it really changed my Mindset for the better. I may update this if there's some new information.


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