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Thread: how do you respond when called a player???

  1. #1
    2champ2 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default how do you respond when called a player???

    I have been talking to this girl for a couple weeks now and after getting her number met up with her two times so far. Both times have gone really well, and she has even said I am really attractive/her type both looks and personality wise. She has also said that she is afraid to be more than friends with me because she thinks that I may be a player and that she thinks I dont take dating/relationships serious enough for her. She is the "I only hook up with guys I am in a relationship with types."

    Now for me, as an AFC, I kind of took it as a compliment considering that I have always been the exact opposite of a player, I guess some of the stuff I have been reading and learning has actually been working in some ways lol. So how do you go about convincing an HB that you are not a player if she thinks you are, or how do you really respond when they call you one? I would think for some girls it would be a dhv in some ways, but for a girl like this, its definitely more of a dlv. I would like to keep seeing this girl, but I still dont know if I want a relationship out of it.

  2. #2
    twentynine's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    If you don't think that you want a relationship out of it than you don't. Don't mug yourself into thinking you might just because of what she said, or what "type" she is.

    How old is she?

  3. #3
    callmemister's Avatar
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    I agree with "Twentynine's" response. Where do you stand?
    But to answer directly, you can see her questioning you as not only a clear ioi, but also as a shit test. If you would categorize your response to her "accusation" as defensive, then she has but another reason to put you in that category. Why? Simple. Aren't we all tempted to immediately counter an accusation that we know is the truth right away...?

    Now I usually tend to turn these questions around very quicky with a joke.
    example:

    Her: you are a player aren't you?
    You: How rude!... We prefer to be called gigolos (which now makes you a...woman with exquisite taste.)

    second example comes directly from a conversation from the manual "BE4UTXTHER", which has been the single file you can download online that will save your ass if you happen to be texting the girl and not talking in person.

    second example:

    Her: What ever happened to picking my brain about all the places i have been? I feel like you charmed me into bed and that makes a good story to add to whatever your working on. Maybe im wrong but thats in your hands.

    YOU: What u decide to believe of course is always your decision my dear I have no interest in convincing you one way or another only in enjoying my time with high quality people.

    HB: Good way to put it. Guess im in my head. Thanks for considering me high quality same to you.

    Basically what you need to do, if you really dig her, is to find out ff it is a more serious test stemming from her insecurities. Don't get caught up in a fake argument. Be willing to walk away. Know what you want and don't want. What you are willing to put up with and what you are not.

    And remember if you think you mess up..fail to convince her.. etc.. well there are plenty of fish in the sea
    If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live. MLK Jr.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    If a girl accused me of being a player I'd respond with:

    "Whoa! I'm flattered and everything but I'm actually a virgin. My mom has been constantly nagging me to take a break from Warcraft and go meet a nice girl. So here I am!"

    Worst case scenario, just ignore the comment and keep going with what you were going to say. She doesn't know anything about you, she's sh*t testing you. Your job is to be unreactive to any tests she throws at you. Also, don't put any labels or expectations on girls that you don't really know that well. Women will often say one thing but in reality will do the complete opposite. All you need to assume is that she has deep sexual desires, and if you build enough attraction and she is comfortable enough with you, she will let you lead her to a place where she can be arroused and show that side of her.

    -Dizzie

  5. #5
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    Quote Originally Posted by 2champ2 View Post
    "I only hook up with guys I am in a relationship with types."
    There's no such thing my man. Stop telling yourself that. There is no woman out there that won't hook up with a guy she JUST MET if you can create enough attraction and comfort with her in a very short period of time. Women will even tell themselves they would never do that BUT THEY DON"T KNOW! Sh!t, I f-closed a virgin 2 hours after I met her!

    All the advice given to you has been good. The worst thing you can do is try and convince her your not. When I first got out of high school I had a few women bring up my reputation. I was considered a player and the women knew this. I would say something along the lines of "yea that's true. I'm a player. I'm a terrible man. I'm surprised your even hanging out with me. If I were you I wouldn't hang out with me (Big smile)."

  6. #6
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    Utimate shit test.this should be pertainent if you have been trying to ask her out as in defining relationship.attract more.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    Thanks for all the feed back guys. She is 23, I am 24, and to be honest I dont know where I stand. I really dont want a relationship, but it seems like thats what it is gonna take to progress further with this girl. I have only known about pick up for about 6 months or so now and I have really been making some improvements. If I get in a relationship I feel like that will only slow me down in that department. At the same time, I have very little relationship experience, and this could help with that so one day when the opportunity with that HB9-10 comes along, I dont blow it. Shes a cool girl and I would say shes a HB7 or so, but I am not crazy about her, so i really dont know where I stand here. Also I think she may be a virgin, which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. How did you guys handle early success with pick up? Did you pass on opportunities in order to get better and therefore get better women?

    On another note, I love the responses you guys gave me for things to say when you are called a player, definitely going to need to use them next time. I did sort of get defensive and ask her why she thought that which wasnt the right move. But like I said, it really was a compliment to me because I have never been anything close to a player and I took it as a sign that some of the adjustments I have made are really working.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    I have been called a player all my life. There aren't any magic words to say to change a girl's mind. You are thinking about this way too much. Same with thinking she won't sleep with you.
    The key to these shlt tests is what I like to call, knowing. If you know a girl wants you all you have to do is sit back and smile. My favorite is if she says, "I will come home with you but we are not hooking up." I LOVE when I hear a girl says something like that. If you start asking questions you are going to look like an amateur. You crack a sly grin, say okay, and proceed as if she had just told you she wanted you to do dirty things to her.
    Words don't account for much. Don't trouble yourself with what she is trying to tell you. Read her non-verbals, she can't fake that.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    Don't fool yourself into a LTR with this chick. I will find you and slap you!! It's clear in how you describe the relationship and how you feel about her that a LTR is NOT what you want. It WILL set you back and you will realize you wasted your time in the end. If it IS a LTR you want, get into it with a girl you REALLY like! You'll know it when you meet her.

    Either take the advice you've been given (some good stuff in here for you to think about) and get to work, or pass and move on.

    That's my best advice for you!

    Good luck man.


    PS: I asked how old she is because "I only sleep with guys I am in a relationship with" is a certain "slut defense" that - in my experience - is used by younger girls. They like to think of themselves as following these types of morals, but as we all know, they usually don't.

  10. #10
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    Default Re: how do you respond when called a player???

    My go to line when called a player is,"Yeah I am... Big time. I play volleyball, football, basketball. I'm pretty good too."

    If she persists accuse her of being insecure.

    Also, if I just met a girl and it's going extremely well I may drop a conversation topic like players so we can discuss the topic openly. That leads to a ton of comfort. You have to take the position that players disrespect women. All they are out for is sex. Then describe your style as open and honest in a relationship and how you "won't just let anyone sleep with me."

    Usually goes over well. Most players will not address the topic openly so it will throw her off.

    Again do it if you feel she may bring it up. It's not required all the time
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde



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