As some of you may remember, when I came back to the forums I had mentioned that I now had a girlfriend. I was happy about it. I had met her two weeks before and for the first time in my life I found a woman who was within the interests that I was searching for.
It has been a month now and things are okay. Recently, I have come upon some problems that I have thought over a lot for the past week, but I can't really get a grasp on why they are happening. I want to address them early so that they don't go out of control and cause harm to me and her.
Here are some things to note about my girlfriend:
She is the near exact definition of the girl I've been looking for since I started pickup. She is very flirty, and she often gets sexual if she's in the mood (which is always). She can swear like it was natural for her, which is something I like as well. The only thing that would be off is the fact she really can't get me to laugh much. She is the type to be easily humored, but she is not the type to easily humor someone else. She also does not restrict herself by anything. Religion, sickness, you name it. For the most part, physically and personality wise, she is the girl I've been looking for.
She also has arthritis of the spine and hips, and because of the treatment she has received she has gotten four different auto-immune diseases. However, despite the fact that she has to take a ton of drugs every day and she has to deal with pain and all sorts of weird sicknesses every now and again, she really doesn't give a fark. Hell, even when her doctor told her that she could not do any intense activities and her mom forbade her to do so, she went and did stuff like skiing. She literally doesn't let anything hold her back, and she lives life to the fullest. That kind of attitude has given me an extreme amount of respect for her in terms of her strength and determination to persevere.
Now here goes what the issues are:
Honestly, I'm not feeling it. I don't understand why, because she's the textbook definition of what I've been looking for this entire time. I have thought about whether it would be because of the fact that I was so successful with being a PUA in terms of getting around that I really wasn't ready to settle down yet. However, I've known since the beginning of October that I was ready to slow down and settle down, and that ended up being true with her. Immediately when I determined that she was a good fit for me, I dropped everything with everybody else. That had not happened yet to me all semester.
The second issue is that I don't like how the relationship seems physical. She kept asking me about sex, and I finally decided that it was about time for me to lose my virginity, and I didn't regret it at all. However, since then, it seems like all she's focused on is sex. I've told her that I don't want the relationship to revolve around the physical aspect, that I want it to be about the social and emotional bonds between us. I have also been actively moving away from a majority physical interaction relationship, and the result is that she tries harder to get into bed with me.
Now I come upon my third point in relation to the above: she is EXTREMELY clingy. For every single message I send, she sends two to three. Over Thanksgiving Break, she wanted to Skype EVERY night, but I had told her no on Thanksgiving because that is time to spend with family, not time to spend chatting with your girlfriend. In addition, she gets extremely moody and upset when I don't spend the night with her or when she can't get alone time with me.
Here are two incidents of this behavior that are the most prominent for me:
The first was over Thanksgiving Break. We were skyping, and her parents were in the background asking her if she could go do some important things. Her phone had been broken, and she needed to go fix it. In addition, they had just gotten groceries and they needed her help. She got really mad and pissy because they were interjecting on her conversation with me. She ended up not helping them, didn't get a new phone like she was supposed to, and ended up ticking her parents off for the night. My general mentality is when your parents need help, or there is something really important that you should do, there's a good chance that should take priority.
That leads me to the second situation, which was more recent. I have an extremely important computer science exam that is due by Friday, and considering I failed the second exam, and this one has the opportunity for fifty extra credit points, I can say this is definitely important. Yesterday I was hauling out work on it, and I wanted to try and get as much done on it that I possibly could. I had told my girlfriend that morning that I was going to be working on that exam due to its importance, and that school came first and everything second. I had also told her that I probably wouldn't be coming over that night because I would just be working late and would probably go to bed after that.
I had my phone turned off and I was working out some problems with my lab partner on the program because we were both having issues. Once we were finally done at like 1:30 in the morning, I went to my phone and discovered that I had received about seven messages from her. To summarize, she was basically upset that I was not responding and she wanted me to come over and spend the night with her. I was annoyed because I was tired, I had told her what I would be doing, and I told her that I probably wouldn't be going over there that night. There is no obligation for me to spend EVERY night with her. I ended up going over there to make her happy, and being tired from working and studying for the entire day, didn't really talk to her before falling right asleep.
Now and these days, I'm really worried about me in general. When I had asked her out, I didn't have the excitement of "Holy sh1t, I can't believe she said yes!" It was more so "Wow, I'm in a relationship now." However, I constantly remind myself and I know I'm in the relationship because she is the kind of girl I wanted. It is weird that some of the things are conflicting now, like her flirty personality and the issue of too much physical stuff. It's just that right now the negatives are smacking me around harder than I can notice the positives. I'm not sure whether it is because of PUA, if things moved far too fast, or if there's something else I'm not seeing.
I'm just asking you, the members of the forums, what you think of this. Is there anything I should try, or do for that matter?
"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X