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  • 2 Post By meteora

Thread: How to recover from coming on too strong, freezing out new gf?

  1. #1
    2champ2 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default How to recover from coming on too strong, freezing out new gf?

    So I have been seeing this girl for about a month, gone on a handful of dates and at first was very against getting into a committed relationship with her, but what can I say, she won me over about a week ago and we decided to become official. Unfortunately, my lack of relationship experience has already caused a problem. She came over to my place for the first time last night and after just hanging out talking and watching a movie, we started making out pretty heavy. Now I am usually pretty aggressive when it comes to that point and start trying to escalate things after a couple minutes, however she is a virgin and she has given me a lot of mixed signals on how she feels about having sex so far, she claims that she wants to wait a while, which is fine. so I was not my usual self and I got a little awkward and nervous about should I or should I not just make the move and she definitely could tell something was up, it kinda ruined the vibe. She left about an hour later after talking and hanging out some more. On top of that I was being pretty AFC and clingy the whole night, because I actually have started to really like this girl, shes exactly my type looks and personality wise, and it has been a long time since I have had a girl friend.

    Now before i go further, she was the one who wanted the relationship to begin with, she was really pushing for it for the past few weeks, and she thought I was a "player" since I was so reluctant. Like I said, I was really not trying to get into a relationship at first, but something about her got me to commit, whether its her looks, her personality, my inner AFC, or some combination of all that, she won me over for now.

    So then I got a text today saying she thinks we may have jumped into the relationship too quickly and when I asked her what she meant she pretty much ignored me all day, I only sent 2 texts asking what was wrong, trying to get her to talk. Hours later on when she said she was sorry, that she was busy all day and she didnt mean to say that earlier, she just wants to slow things down a little bit. So what I am wondering is, do I do a Freeze Out and just give her space for a few days? Is it okay to freeze your gf out? I am worried that if I just dont talk to her at all for a few days, things will kind of stale out. I think my overall problem here was that once we became official I figured it was okay to stop gaming her, and I reverted back to some really bad AFC habits. What is the best way to proceed here? Could be the start of bad oneitis lol

    Also, I want to thank the forums and all the guys on here for the advice that I have gotten from time to time. Everything that got me to even have this girl dating me at all was from concepts and ideas that I have gotten from here. From open to Number Close to getting her to be my gf (even if it ends up short lived lol) its all thanks to the forums and the reading material. Like I said earlier its the first gf I have had in a while and it would not have happened without the help i have gotten here. Hopefully down the road, I will be giving advice more often, rather than seeking it out.

  2. #2
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to recover from coming on too strong, freezing out new gf?

    So what I am wondering is, do I do a Freeze Out and just give her space for a few days? Is it okay to freeze your gf out? I am worried that if I just dont talk to her at all for a few days, things will kind of stale out.
    don't freeze her out. contrary to some peoples beleifs freezeouts are not the solution to every problem.

    she probably just wants some reassurance that you won't just "hit it and quit it"

    your solution is simple, take a step back. spend more time with her, get to know her better, and slowly escalate with her over time.

    she is a virgin and she has given me a lot of mixed signals on how she feels about having sex so far, she claims that she wants to wait a while, which is fine.
    and the fact that she's a virgin means you have to deal with monster LMR. she is going to want a very serious relationship before she'll let you take it. you'll have to have a very strong connection with her if you want sex. take things slow and don't push too hard for sex. a lot of virgins have some kind of anxiety about losing it. you have to make her very comfortable around you in order to take away some of that anxiety.

    so take things slow and focus on building your relationship before you bother going for it. good luck.

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    2champ2 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to recover from coming on too strong, freezing out new gf?

    Thanks for the advice man, I really appreciate it. I think giving her a little space the past few days has helped out a lot. I didn't freeze her out, I just didn't text her as much and didn't answer her texts as quickly. She even said she missed me since we haven't had a chance to hangout this week at all. Do you think I should apologize for coming on so strong and maybe making her a little uncomfortable? I was thinking about just having a quick apology before she leaves for the night or after hanging out. I am also thinking maybe having here come over to my place so soon might have been a bad idea and keeping to going out on dates for now, or just hanging out at my place when she either asks or suggests it.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How to recover from coming on too strong, freezing out new gf?

    I wanna add something regarding something you said in your first post.

    She wanted the relationship initially and you didn't.. That's great and it's a really good way to start a relationship with a girl you like, but I'm telling you from experience, those tables can do a 180 very quickly if you let all your walls down and start acting AFC as soon as the relationship is "official".

    I'm not saying you need to game her, you don't. But don't ever come off needy or clingy.. Keep a level head and don't let yourself get so deep that you start to worry about losing her. You always need to remember that you're #1. You start letting that shit slip and you will push her away.

    Girls are not attracted to guys who cling to them or act needy and pathetic around them. There is no exception.

    I learned from experience. Most of what I know about women and about PUA I learned from fucking things up and learning from what I did wrong, so take it from me

    Good luck!

  5. #5
    meteora's Avatar
    meteora is offline PUA All Star
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    Default Re: How to recover from coming on too strong, freezing out new gf?

    Do you think I should apologize for coming on so strong and maybe making her a little uncomfortable?
    never apologize for being a man and showing your interest. anyways, mentioning it will only recall those negative emotions you accidentally created in her. just sweep it under the rug like it never happened. (that's what you do when you make small mistakes, you get past them and pretend like they didn't happen or it wasn't a big deal) you have no need to apologize.

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    Default Re: How to recover from coming on too strong, freezing out new gf?

    Don't double text. You need to get to know her more. She needs more comfort. Ask if it's worth it though. It's very rare I recommend a guy take a second thought about talking to a girl, but I've gone down the track of gaming virgins. The clinginess created after sex isn't worth it for me. It's incredibly overwhelming. Good luck!
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