Being Single or Taken: the Jealousy Complex
Itís a word that rings strong in the minds of all pickup artists. We are told that jealousy is a bane to our successful well-being, and that we must fight to kill the green giant within us. With jealousy, we become an AFC, an individual who constantly hates the haves and considers himself a have-not. Jealousy can drive us to do stupid things and make us blind to the opportunities in front of us. Thus, it becomes common habit by those gurus and well-experiences players to fight and avoid jealousy.
I, on the other hand, have a different take on jealousy.
After going through some deep meditation recently, I came upon an observation about pickup artists and the essence of human nature. I had mentioned a long time back on the forums that pickup artists, when they successfully overcome it, can use jealousy to fuel themselves in their quest for success. In fact, it is because of jealousy that many members of the forums are here. We were the have-nots who wanted more, and we found a path to more and took it. It is through our selfish nature that we drive ourselves for more.
There are those who would argue that I am wrong, that they, along with the rest of mankind, are not selfish. Well, take this into consideration: think about every single thing that you did in your life. Why did you do it? Chances are, there was at least one gain for you in committing that action, whether it was for wealth, power, or the simple satisfaction in knowing that you did it. In the end, we cannot deny that everything that we do is for an ends.
So how then would jealousy and selfishness be so deeply intertwined?
Itís quite simple really. Because by nature we are selfish, and because jealousy is the aggression and anger over what we donít have, jealousy itself is embedded within our basic human instinct. We can try to fight jealousy all we want, but in the end it will occur, and it will consume us in some shape or form, whether it be fighting to get a promotion, or going to the store to buy a PS4 because your friends have it.
All of the above is just one of two points I wanted to make in this post. The second pertains to why I even arrived to this topic in the first place.
For those of you who are not aware, I have been having some trouble and confusion over my relationship. In my search for an answer and what I should do to fix my problems, I have come upon a variety of reasons as to why I find myself unhappy in this relationship, despite that the woman Iím with is someone who satisfies most of what I am searching for. With all of the before mentioned, it is easy to come to the conclusion that one of the problems I came up with is jealousy.
During these past two weeks, I all of a sudden found myself thinking of girls past; of ladies who I thought were missed chances, perfect opportunities for me. I found myself facing regret, anger, and frustration over the fact that I was not currently with that person. I now have flashes of these moments often, and I have taken the time to analyze their happenings. Now, I take it as a sign that there is a part of me that wishes to be single again, to relish in the turbulence that is the field.
Back in September, however, I had decided that I was ready to settle down. Why am I now changing my mind? The answer dawned on me while I was debating about what I truly wanted in terms of my relationship status. The answer lies within the saying that single people see happy couples, and people in relationships see happy single people. The more I thought about it, the more it unraveled for me. Those couples who wish to become parents see happy families. Those teenagers who wish to be adults see happy adults, and those adults who wish to reclaim their youth see happy teenagers.
The end reason is jealousy, selfishness, and an actual piece of something expert pickup artists aim to create of themselves: unavailability. We thirst and hunger for that which is not exclusive to us, and there are those who find themselves in the unfortunate middle when it comes to relationships. There are indeed single people who wish to be in a relationship, but once they are there they wish to return back to the days of not being restrained to one individual. I should know, because I have seen myself in both of those positions on multiple occasions.
What course of action does that mean I should take for my ailing relationship? There is no definitive, single answer. It is the infamous Pick your Poison analogy. I have not yet determined which form of jealousy I would rather go with: the jealousy that comes with forever wanting and desiring the ideal girl to settle down with, or the jealousy that comes from regretting and wondering if there may be something better for you out there. I suppose the answer will not come to me until the relationship changes or if I come upon another key piece of knowledge in my pursuit for a definitive course and answer.
I relay all of this to the members of the forums for the reason of knowing and forming your own insight. There are many who come onto the forums wishing to get into a relationship, or fix what they have. No matter which way, it can be taken in these same terms: All actions have their consequences. It is a matter of choosing which consequences we can live with that is important.
"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X