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  • 2 Post By Swagman
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Thread: How to become poly- while already in LTR?

  1. #1
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default How to become poly- while already in LTR?

    I don't plan on starting this at the moment, but I think I need some advice early on.

    I'm already in an LTR. I don't have any real life experience with the PUA life style but reading a lot of what is here (also Dan Rose's book) helped me become more confident, more comfortable with my sexuality, and with my relationship.

    I want to know what do you do when you want to start another relationship while already in an LTR? I have brought this up before to her and she didn't like, but I made some arguments. One time I brought it up (I admit I was bringing it up too much) and she cried. That really hit me bad. So I dropped the subject. I think she still knows I might do it. But now I wonder how to actually start it? I definitely don't want to lose her, so that's not an option. Any tips you guys can give would be deeply appreciated.

    Is it just me, or can LTRs make you less "alpha"?

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to become poly- while already in LTR?

    I can guarantee you that the choices you want to make right now will make you "less alpha". It really isn't right, in every sense, to have more than one relationship running at once. You may not view it as wrong or unfair, but every girl involved will feel wronged, cheated, and used.

    Like I was told a long time ago between all of the activities I did, you're going to have to make a choice. You have to pick one relationship and stick to it. If you want to have flings with multiple women, then don't have any girlfriends at all.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    Vincent85 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: How to become poly- while already in LTR?

    Man, I wasn't expecting that kind of reply. Is this the consensus on the forums?

    Thanks for the reply.

  4. #4
    Iamtheflow is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: How to become poly- while already in LTR?

    I agree with Swagman, for whatever reason you need multiple girlfriends at the same time isn't a very good reason, especially if you're in a LTR to begin with. If you want multiple options for whatever you want them for then have flings like Swagman said and make sure they know that they are not exclusive to you nor you them.

  5. #5
    theeights is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: How to become poly- while already in LTR?

    Polyamory can be awesome, but only if all parties are on board with it and consent to it. In this case, there is no consent you aren't poly... you're just cheating. Or wanting to. Either stick with your partner, or break up with her.

  6. #6
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to become poly- while already in LTR?

    I can tell you what the consensus of what the PUA forum is and it's the motto we live by - "Always leave a woman better than when you found her." Leaving a woman feeling slighted, cheated, used and abused isn't what we are about or promote. And I can assure you the idea of going poly will be detrimental (if she is not that type).

    I agree to an extent that being in an LTR can weaken your game if you get too comfortable. The best analogy I can think of is think of yourself as a domesticated animal. And once you get released into the wilds, you no longer can hunt for yourself. However, there are ways to maintain your game while in the relationship to keep the girl on her toes and prevent things from getting old.

    I've known PUA in LTR's that still do talk to other women, practice cold approaches, flirt with them, even see if they can Number Close them, and if they do then delete it. They help their single buddies by winging for them. They can come off as more confident because they don't care. It's a win win situation. They won't cross the line beyond that.

    There's a lot of things you can do to not get rusty while in a LTR. There's even a guide on it gaming your own gf to keep things from getting old.

    Echoeing what the other posters said...If you are into poly and your gf is not, then it is an incompatibility and don't try to change her. You got two choices 1) Break up with your current gf and find a girl who is into that kind of stuff (if that is something you place high value on) 2) or take a deep breath, close your eyes, and let go of that notion and accept the fact that we all make sacrifices in a relationship and that one is going on the Atzec pyramid.


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