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Thread: Guys, am I being played?!

  1. #1
    1chance's Avatar
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    Default Guys, am I being played?!

    I'm going to keep this detail oriented for length reasons.

    I met a girl at work in June. I introduced myself. she asked for my number. I found out she had a boyfriend with whom she had been dateing 2 months. they are still together and are now together for 9 months. ive been in the equation the whole time.

    We have never hanged out outside of work. i tried within the first week i met her. she flaked. id ask her 2 more times after that. flaked on both. October rolls around and i call her out on it. what i said was basically "ive been talking to you this long and we havent hanged out whats the deal?". she told me that she doesnt want to hang with guys for fear of her boyfriend hanging with girls.

    I understood that and i respected there relationship and never asked again. Here we are in december and she is still initiating contact with me about 3-4 times a week via text. she quit work 3 months ago and has kept herself relevant in my life by staying in contact.

    I did help her through some tough times recently. she was really sick. so i was there for her.

    The part that is confusing me is why is she keeping me relevant with possibly no intention of hanging out with me? As far as i know she doesnt hang out with any guys besides her boyfriend.

    I do know that she cares about me. i know that for a fact.

    BUT

    My boy Lockdown who is on these forums seems to think that im being played by her. I'd hate to think that but i'd like to see if everyone is in agreeance. Why is she keeping me in her circle?

    I'll also add shes 18. the boyfriend is 17. and i'm 22. we all live within 20 miles of each other.

    Also, i dont believe i am friendzoned. she never talks about the boyfriend unless i bring up her day. She never talks about other guys. She never complains about anoying girly stuff in her life to me.

  2. #2
    Vidar is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    I'm a total newbie to PUA but even I can tell you you're being played, I know cause when I was younger I had a similar issue with a girl... who just happened to like the extra attention.

  3. #3
    Ra1d is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    Quote Originally Posted by iamchance View Post
    She never talks about other guys. She never complains about anoying girly stuff in her life to me.
    How does she usually initiate the chat ?And what do you guys talk about ?

    Also it seems like you should be looking at them BF Destroyer techniques,because this is the only option for you if you want her.It doesn't look like she will be dumping her boyfriend,even if she likes you.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamchance View Post
    I did help her through some tough times recently. she was really sick. so i was there for her.
    .
    Don't be,from my terrible not so huge experience I realized that it's cool "to be there for her" when she asks you to,so you can spare some of your time because technically it's ok to do when a sick person asks for it(I assume we're talking about a cold or something,right ?Not something too serious).

    Usually if it's a sickness like a cold,I text but don't come unless she asks for it.

  4. #4
    1chance's Avatar
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    when we talk it's usually her asking what I'm up to. or she has something she wants to tell me ect...


    as for when she was sick, she was severely sick with a condition. it made her have to quit work. not a common cold or anything.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    It's quite simple actually. She has you right where she wants you. She knows that she doesn't have to hang out with you, and you'll still be there. You take that availability away, then you MIGHT get somewhere. So in short, yes, you are being led on (not played).

  6. #6
    1chance's Avatar
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    so completely ignore a few text? I'm a busy guy, I work and go to school full time but I always have my phone with me.

    that's not an issue, she usually contacts me between 11pm and 1am. by that time I'm usually home from work or school. so should I just start blowing her off?

    it's tough to get back to her cause she usually opens with "hi, hey, what's up" ect..

    so I can't really get back to her the next day based off those openers.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    I would have to disagree with everyone on this. Reading into how she is acting and what has happened, it's not that she's flaking on you, nor is she threading you on for her own personal entertainment.

    She considers you a good friend, and like any good friend she will continue to contact you and stay in touch. Just because she doesn't complain to you about girly problems does not mean that you aren't in the friend zone. I have female friends who will never complain to me about those kind of things. In addition, friends are supposed to care about each other, so there is no surprise there.

    She is also extremely loyal to her boyfriend and will not do anything that would break the bond between the two of them. She is afraid that hanging out with you will break that bond with her significant other, and thus she will always be inclined to blow you off when you ask to hang out.

    I would say that if the relationship between those two is healthy, then you need to drop it and move on from her. It is not right for one to destroy a good thing for their own selfish desires
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  8. #8
    1chance's Avatar
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    swagman you're completely right. that's kind of what I expected. my intentions have never been "I must steal her!!". I've simply wanted to be the better option. like I said I respect her relationship.

    I believe there relationship is healthy to an extent. I think there is some deffinate trust issues.


    I guess it just bothers me that I've never been able to do anything with her.

    why would she want a friend that she only text for 7 months.

    how do I stay relevant but keep out of friend zone?

    is it possible to be friend zoned with a person you've never hanged out with and only face to face interaction was at work when we where occasionally on the same shift?

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    Quote Originally Posted by iamchance View Post
    why would she want a friend that she only text for 7 months.
    Because she doesn't talk face to face with you much anymore, and she values friendship so she will do what is necessary to stay in contact. You probably left a good impact on her, and so she wants to keep you in her life as a friend.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamchance View Post
    how do I stay relevant but keep out of friend zone?
    It's all a matter of that first initial phase. You can't build too much rapport, or otherwise you will end up in the friend zone. You also can't wait too long to escalate things, or otherwise you will end up in the friend zone. You always have to be positive and flirty with your targets.

    Of course you will need to do a ton of more reading and research into how to get a girl. In short terms though, the above is how you hook them and stay out of the friend zone.

    Quote Originally Posted by iamchance View Post
    is it possible to be friend zoned with a person you've never hanged out with and only face to face interaction was at work when we where occasionally on the same shift?
    Oh yes, it is very possible to be friend zoned like that. Hell, it's happened to me, and that's how I know. I've even been friend zoned by a girl I've never met face to face before, so never think that your safe from the friend zone given the amount of times you have seen her or the amount of times you have hung out with her.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  10. #10
    lilsting's Avatar
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    Default Re: Guys, am I being played?!

    Swagman is 100% correct. That's exactly what I was thinking, but chose not to type it because I couldn't articulate it properly. Good shit dude.

    Still, if you want anything to change, you have to start distancing yourself. A situation like this I'm sure has happened to most guys. They think by sticking around, when the woman's relationship falls apart, they'll be next in line. It usually doesn't work that way unless you have some game. Let her know damn well that you hang out with other women, and that you have a life of your own. Try to periodically (1-2 times a month) get her on the phone. Have a good conversation with her and then end it leaving her wanting to talk to you longer. Start lengthening the time it takes you to respond to her texts. At this point in time, it's best to just keep her as a distant friend, let her relationship play, and just game her if anything changes. Like swag said, there's no point in destroying this relationship if she has something good going for her, unless you absolutely have to.


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