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Thread: Dealing with GF Issues

  1. #1
    Wolf24's Avatar
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    Default Dealing with GF Issues

    Intro

    Hey guys. It's been some time since I've posted because I was too busy with college and such, but I was lurking around even if I didn't post, so no worries.

    And to inform you about my PUA life, I've been in a committed relationship with this girl for almost 3 months, just to gain some experience in that area, you know. I miss PU like hell, though.

    To give a bit background, we met at a party, k-closed and got her number, called her the next day and set up a date and went from there. It took me about 2 months to f-close (daym...) and before that we weren't actually quite committed. Which got me thinking that if I invested more before the f-close I could have done it sooner. Maybe...

    But anyways... Cutting to the chase...

    Investment

    I started to invest more in the relationship after we farked, because I wanted to make her happy since she's making me happy.

    So I started to give her more attention, texting her more often, sometimes calling her out of the blue, complimenting her, etc. She always said that she "loves" the attention from me but she almost never returns it back, which refers to my investment issues in the relationship.

    She rarely texts me first, never calls me, and just says "Thanks." when I compliment her!

    One day I asked her that why she doesn't take the first step but expect those sh1t from me all the time and she said she's "too shy" to say/do such things and gave me a consolation-like kiss. Shy? She weren't shy at all when we were in bed. Hmm...

    I mean, okay, I know that we, men, always take the first step without thinking about it, but this started to feel like too many first steps. Am I not allowed to expect these from her? Not that I need pampering from her, but it just feels damn good when your girl says some lovely sh1t out of the blue and make your day.

    Side note: I overheard her talking with her female friend about sex and commitment. She (my girl) said that having sex makes guys committed to the relationship. Did she use sex to make me commit? Did I fall in such a trap?

    Leading

    Fark, do I get soft here. She usually gets genuinely upset when I tease her or joke about her being clumsy, dorky, naive, etc. And I just freeze here. I don't know what to do.

    If I shut up or walk away she gets more upset. If I continue the tease about getting her upset, she gets more upset. So I just go soft, give her the "babe I was just joking" speech and try to get her attention. She eventually gives up and goes back to normal but this doesn't feel normal at all.

    Lately, I feel like she might be using this "I'm upset" move just to get me to work for her attention. For example today, she gave me crap because I texted back 10 mins late than "the usual time".

    One time I said I don't want to deal with this "I'm upset" BS and she said: "You're trying to change me. I don't wanna change. You should like me as who I am right now."

    Side note: Today she said: "I think I am kinda perfect. But it's strange you know? Nobody is perfect. But I can't find something wrong about myself. You think I'm perfect?" I just looked her in the eye and said nothing. And right at that moment, I literally wanted to smack her in the face...

    What should I do to deal with this crap? It's getting more frequent every passing day...

    I think that's all for now bros. Say whatever feels right. Thanks for reading.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  2. #2
    Swagman's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with GF Issues

    Whoops, didn't mean to thank that post lol . Oh well, I guess it doesn't really matter.

    Anyways, I can completely feel you man. I'm in a relationship as well, and I'm just not feeling it right now, but the girl satisfies all of my interests. Not sure what the deal is, but I'm working towards an answer right now.

    By the sounds of it, this girl is either an idiot or she is straight up playing you right now. I read this, especially with the leadership part, and I'm getting angry, and she isn't even my girlfriend!

    Here goes what your girlfriend is: she's one of those insecure princesses who likes to have guys chase after her, and rides the gravy train the whole time. Reading into her responses and actions, I doubt she's shy. She's just using it as an excuse to get you to invest more and be more flexible to her wants and needs.

    It is possible to make someone commit and become attached to the relationship through sex. It all depends on whether you're pulling on the rope or not. It also depends on whether you can control your physical urges or not, because if you can't and she can, then she is clearly the winner.

    All you really have to do to fix this is just abstain and withdraw. She thinks she has you chasing after her, but when she sees that you're not initiating the conversations, you aren't complimenting her, and you don't want sex anymore, then she will take notice. I would also recommend to stop apologizing to her as well. What in the world do you need to be sorry for? I've NEVER heard of someone having to apologize about flirting and teasing. Basically, your goal is to limit her sugar intake and ask for some back.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  3. #3
    TPix's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with GF Issues

    Great to see you posting wolf!

    I was worried about taking first steps too. I do most of first steps but when I feel like she is too passive I usually "take one step back" and when she takes intrest to me I reward her with attention and attraction building.

    I stopped texting her so often since I noticed it lost her intrest. Now I text couple times a day when we dont see each other and my reply time is about 2-6 hours. (sometimes faster also so I´m not completely ignoring her). Chatting with girl is gay IMO.

    What comes to your girl, she might be insecure and is covering that with arrogance. If she says she is perfect shes wrong and she is shit testing you.

    I always start with cocky jokes so they don´t come so upset later on when I say light negs to her, it makes her really insecure and usually she holds me to feel secure again.

    These are things that have worked for me, hope it gave you some ideas
    Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
    understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
    But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
    recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
    you and how fabulous you really looked….

  4. #4
    Wolf24's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with GF Issues

    Lovin' these ideas, just as I thought.

    One question though, what if she goes guns blazing and pull the "You don't like me anymore!" crap?

    How can I respond to that? Or how can I prevent that from happening in the first place?
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Dealing with GF Issues

    First of all, props for holding it together when she said she was perfect, I would have died laughing.

    Anyway, I know exactly where you are coming from. It sucks giving a girl investment and attention and getting none back, it's emotionally draining for a man. It will even f*ck you up if you aren't careful. Leadership is the role of the man, and love and affection is the role of the woman, but it's your job to lead her well enough so that she realizes that you are a strong man and then feels comfortable giving you that love and affection.

    Leading a woman has nothing to do with initiating text messages, it has everything to do with being her f*cking rock. When she realizes that nothing can shake you, that's when she gives up the love and affection that is vital to a man. She will feel safe in your arms because she has tested you and knows that nothing is going to shake you. In other words, WOMEN WANT SECURE MEN.

    Dude when I was younger I got absolutely sh1t on and embarrassed by every girl I didn't lead. I would be as nice as I could be but there was no amount of compliments I could ever give that would make those girls adore me the way that I wanted them to. They would behave exactly like your girl, and I would get so frustrated when they didn't appreciate what I was telling them, or when they didn't give me the same attention back.

    Use compliments and affection sparingly, even after you have proven yourself as a leader. I honestly don't even compliment girls much anymore, but when I do it means 10x more and the girls go nuts. In all of 2013 there was only one girl I told that she was beautiful and she completely melted. It was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever seen.

    Your girl is either just really dumb and insecure, or she's a master manipulator. From the outside looking in it's pretty clear she isn't giving you what you want as a girlfriend, and I think you are compromising your values just to stay with her which isn't cool. You are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole and I think you know it, some girls just can't be led or are just as bad at giving love as some guys are at leading.

    There is a question you have to answer for yourself, what is keeping you from breaking up with her?

    And if she says that you don't like her anymore, be honest. Tell her you still like her but that behavior isn't acceptable.

  6. #6
    Wolf24's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dealing with GF Issues

    Some updates:

    Regarding investment, it seems better now. She started to surprise me out of the blue and such. She started to call, initiate talks more often, compliment me, etc.

    However, this situation created some new issues. Now every time we go out on a date, talk on the phone or text, I have to find an excuse to end it. If I don't, our interactions become too lengthy.

    3 hour long calls, all day long texting (no kidding, she starts at like 9AM and it can go on until one of us goes to sleep), 12 hour long dates...

    I mean, I love her company but that many hours get boring after some point. Plus, we're both on a break from college so we started to see each other almost every day. And you know, we occasionally started to run out of things to talk.

    I tried to be honest with her that I love texting/calling/dating with her but I eventually get tired or bored after too many hours. For example, on our last date I got so tired, I started to yawn like hell and kept on yawning till we banged in the car. But she gets genuinely upset when I become honest about this.

    She doesn't yell or argue, she just goes dead quiet, breaks eye contact and goes back into her shell like a little baby. And I have to try so hard to get her back into her normal state.

    I don't know what to do, I don't want to keep coming with lame excuses because it's basically lying to her and they have a limited lifespan.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Dealing with GF Issues

    I have a few questions you should answer... not to me... but really more to yourself.

    1) Have you tried being honest? And by honest I mean calling her out on her bullsh*t. I.e. "No, you are most decidedly NOT perfect" The fact that anyone would think that seriously dictates a delusional arrogance that borders on narcissism. Don't make a big deal out of it. Don't bring it up. Just next time she asks you a ridiculous question or makes an objectionable statement CALL HER OUT nonchalantly. Confidently. Like YOU can do better. (Careful to not be condescending)

    2) To do the above however you must answer the following: Are you willing to walk away? If the answer is 'No' you've already lost any chance of reclaiming the power in this relationship IMHO. If the answer is 'Yes' then all the better, because now you can be in the most solid position of all.... You can speak your mind knowing full well that whatever the response or outcome you will be fine and move on. The fact is if she thinks she's perfect --i mean if she honest-to-god actually believes that-- she is going to have a pretty extreme reaction to your honesty. She will either be indignant and in denial about her shortcomings (in which case, brother, you are BETTER OFF without her) or she will be shocked back into reality and realize she is gonna lose you if she doesnt buck up.


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