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  1. #1
    Trickstar's Avatar
    Trickstar is offline PUA in Training
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    Question Unsuccessful Boyfriend Destroyer

    Ok so pretty much this is a girl I know from my home town who is a few years older than me (I'm in high school and she is at least 20 has 2 kids, that she had taken away) and I decided to give a shot at getting to hang out so I can f-close because she is easy (evident because she has like 3 possible Dads for each kid). Well through the whole conversation I got resistance because of a guy shes "talking to" who won't date her because she cheated on him (ironic right?). I went with failure to commit and lack of passion because thats what she set up for. At first I was like "damn this is actually working" then all of a sudden it was a big circle, then progress again, then I couldn't get any farther. I'm just going to show you guys the whole conversation from where I first indicated interest so you can identify exactly what I did wrong instead of paraphrasing and making you guess the gaps. This is on Facebook, I couldn't Number Close because I was waiting for the best time and it never came up.

    Anyway, here it is:

    Me: damn i just went through a couple of ur pics and didnt realize that you had such a cute face lol

    Her: Omg shush.
    Me: lol why?
    Her: U went thru my pics.?
    Me: a couple lol, why? are you self conscious?
    Her:I call bs...u went thru damn near most.
    Her: And no im not...
    Me: a couple of ur profile pics, swear lol
    Her: Noo u seen the ones that I was tagged in lmfao
    Me: no i didnt but ill go look now lol
    Her: No don't.!
    Me: damn whos that big headed nigga lol
    Her: What.?
    Me: light skinned dudelooks kinda like an arab
    Her: My boy [older guy from my home town/guy shes talking to]...he's my ex. And he's mixed, not Arab lol.
    Me: oh i know [guy shes talking to], i thought he looked familiar thats why i asked lol
    Her: Oh lol...
    Me: yeah hes [my friend]'s bro lol
    Me: anyway i gave you a compliment and you leave me hanging, like whats with that? (this normally works to get them to at least say I'm cute and opens up for me to get them to call me sexy, and the dude is ugly, not to exaggerate)
    Her: I'm not good with compliments.
    Me: idk i told you that i thought you had a pretty face, and i get nothing in return, whats with that?
    Her: Um...thank u.?
    Me: damn your not used to getting compliments are you?
    Her: No I get them a lot but I ignore them usually.
    Me: oh, your trying to ignore mine huh?
    Her: I'm still talking ain't I.?
    Me: alright, well since u just manipulated me into looking through your pics and telling you what i think, its your turn
    Her: Already did..
    Me: already did what? you never told me what you thought lol
    Her: I can't really tell u
    Me: oh yeah and whys that?
    Her: Cuz I'm still talkin to [guy].
    Her: And I can't talk to other guys.
    Me: We'll be discrete
    Her: Thats lying and I just got into some serious trouble with him bc I lied
    Me: Why is it your not dating?
    Her: Bc I need to earn his trust back first.
    (Right here I thought would be perfect for the boyfriend destroyer)
    Me: well, You have to understand that he really likes you. Is just that deep down he has a fear that your too go od for him and think that you have to leave him and he'll be hurt deep down by it. He's just setting up an emotional barrier you know?
    Her: What.? I'm not completely understand long...were did that come from.?
    Me: im just trying to let you know where hes coming from
    Her: Where who is coming from...?
    Me: the guy your talking to, why he wont commit to a relationship
    Her: No..I lied to him and in a way cheated but not really...
    Me: so you cant have guy friends?
    Her: I'm not sure...
    Me: u cant talk to other guys?

    Her: Don't think so....
    Me: You have to understand that this guy really appreciates you, because you're probably the best girl that he ever got, or ever will get. I know that you care about this guy but there's just a certain equilibrium where if you've done this guy a favor by being with him and he's not equipped to handle it, since he knows that he'll never get a girl like you again if he walks out or gets too close, that he's just constantly frustrated and panicked that you'll leave for another guy. It's not his fault.
    Her: Are u talking to him..??
    Her: no, im just imagining whats going through his head
    Her: It's [guy]...I think ur wrong. It's hard to understand what's going through his head.
    Me: Idk, he must be like the perfect guy when your together
    (Switched to in-compassionate which I thought started to take me somewhere)
    Her: Why u say that.?
    Me: the way you worry about him, am i right?
    Her: I worry about him....
    Me: why? because he seems distant, or detached?
    Her: Distract. . and detached.
    Me: well guess what
    Her: What
    Me: that means he really cares about you, he doesnt want to get too caught up in the emotions because hes afraid of being hurt
    Her: I dont think u really know [guy]... That's not how he is.
    Me: Everybody has feelings, why else would he be acting this way?
    Her: Idk... but he never talks about his feelings.. He says it pisses him off when I bring up what I did but not that i did it with someone else... its like he had no emotions what so ever
    Me: Hes trying to hide the pain from you. He doesnt want you to think hes weak
    Her: How do u know all this...?
    Me: im a guy aint i?
    Her: Yeah....
    Me: idk if i had a girl that cared about me that much id be taking her out and cuddling all the time and trying to make her feel special but thats just me
    Her: He doesn't do that...
    Me: he doesnt do what?
    Her: Really show me attention at all
    Me: you need someone who will give you the attention you deserve
    Her: He will... Eventually. I hope.
    Me: or he may be too afraid to open up to you ever
    Her: That too...
    Me: you shouldnt let him dictate your life if he cant give you the attention you deserve
    Her: He's not dictating my life... I fucked up so I'm trying to gain his trust back.
    Me: so you cant talk to other guys?
    Her: Well that's kinda what got me in trouble in the first place
    Me: i mean yea you gotta understand, hes just afraid of you leaving so its not his fault that he worries about who you talk to
    Her: I did leave n he said he was kinda hurt about it and he didn't like that I was gone.
    Me: so you cant go out?
    Her: No I mean like I left him... All together.
    Me: so you broke up with him?
    Her: Yeah
    Me: and do you want whats best for him?
    Her: Yeah
    Me: do you want to help stop him from having anymore pain?
    Her: He's not feeling any....
    Me: he must be dependent on you if he is scared of being together but yet wants to stick on the border
    Her: He's not dependant on me
    Me: then why wouldnt he just let you leave then? hes scared of being alone
    Her: I'm not sure what's going on with him tbh...
    Me: hes scared and doesnt know what to do without you but yet he doesnt have it in him to be close
    Her: I dont think so...
    Me: i dont know, it just seems like he feel inferior like he doesnt know what to do in order to keep you happy, hes scared youll take it as weakness
    Her: I really dont think that's it
    Me: what else could it be?
    Her: Idk how to describe it... It's a [guys name] thing.
    Me: does he show you passion like he used to?
    Her: He never really did
    Me: hes scared to open up
    Her: [My name]... That's not it.
    Me: hes a person, what else could it be?he has feelings like you and me
    Her: Idk... he just doesn't like to talk about feelings n keeps them very well hidden
    Me: its because hes scared of being judged for themhes scared of embarrassment and ridicule
    Her: Nooooo
    Me: its the only logical explanation
    Her: Ehh
    Me: but listen
    Her: Im listening
    Me: if hes not giving you what you need, closure, attention, companionship, why should you have to put more effort than him?
    Her: Bc I'm the one who fucked up in the first place
    Me: no you didnt fuck up, you were doing what you want because your your own person
    Her: Yes I did
    Me: what right does somebody else have to tell you what you can and cant do?
    Her: The person that I'm dedicated to
    Me: but hes not dedicated to you
    Her: He's not talking to other girls
    Me: if he was, he would be able to forgive and open up to you again
    (After a minute or so after it said "read" but she wasnt typing)
    Me: i think your scared of change

    I didn't get a response after and havent tried. I want to know what I did wrong and if I can jump back into this. Shes got a car and shes technically a milf so I'm after it lol. Thanks for the help in advance guys!

  2. #2
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unsuccessful Boyfriend Destroyer

    Gave up reading. Wayy too long of a message thread. From what I read, you call her out too much. You should never call a girl out. You shouldn't mention you know the guy if you want her to talk to you; otherwise, she's afraid you'll think she's a slut. Seems like you're using a lot of logic here.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  3. #3
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unsuccessful Boyfriend Destroyer

    Mood too serious for virtual environment.

    Let's say this actually worked and she wanted you. I think a BF destroyer should be followed by a full close, something hardcore. Because it instantly wears her guard down, makes her vulnerable.

    BF destroyer usually opens up a small window, you have to act fast to get through and to me, a Number Close ain't gonna cut it.

    In my opinion, BF destroyers should be delivered face to face, in one sitting. Not with texting or messaging with time gaps in between.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  4. #4
    marvilo's Avatar
    marvilo is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Unsuccessful Boyfriend Destroyer

    LMAO!! First rule of bf destroyer: Their Bf is irrelevant. Second rule: don't keep on hyping him up after the first time, it gives him the power and looks like you're on his side. Third rule; push and pull. If jr doesn't work the first time then you forget her and move on. After a while you come back and reapply the bf destroyer again. The more it stacks the more effective it's going to be in the end. Don't just keep applying the technique when you obviously know it's not working and you're investing way more into the conversation then she was. Apply( if it doesn't work out that time back
    off.) Take some time off and reapply it. Know when to quit and when to come back so you can stack up the technique, each time weakening her defense... Until you end up winning
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  5. #5
    Trickstar's Avatar
    Trickstar is offline PUA in Training
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    Question Re: Unsuccessful Boyfriend Destroyer

    Quote Originally Posted by marvilo View Post
    LMAO!! First rule of bf destroyer: ...
    Lol I know why your laughing, I thought it was funny while I was doing it myself. I was pretty much taking almost word for word from one of the BF Destroyer guides here until I could get it to fit the situation. But anyways for future knowledge, do you guys know how I could have got her to just hang out when she was being resistant "because she was committed to him"? I thought it was going to be easy to be honest, but it turned out to be hard as fuck. Should I have used a different technique besides Boyfriend Destroyer?

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