Ok so pretty much this is a girl I know from my home town who is a few years older than me (I'm in high school and she is at least 20 has 2 kids, that she had taken away) and I decided to give a shot at getting to hang out so I can f-close because she is easy (evident because she has like 3 possible Dads for each kid). Well through the whole conversation I got resistance because of a guy shes "talking to" who won't date her because she cheated on him (ironic right?). I went with failure to commit and lack of passion because thats what she set up for. At first I was like "damn this is actually working" then all of a sudden it was a big circle, then progress again, then I couldn't get any farther. I'm just going to show you guys the whole conversation from where I first indicated interest so you can identify exactly what I did wrong instead of paraphrasing and making you guess the gaps. This is on Facebook, I couldn't Number Close because I was waiting for the best time and it never came up.
Anyway, here it is:
Me: damn i just went through a couple of ur pics and didnt realize that you had such a cute face lol
Her: Omg shush.
Me: lol why?
Her: U went thru my pics.?
Me: a couple lol, why? are you self conscious?
Her:I call bs...u went thru damn near most.
Her: And no im not...
Me: a couple of ur profile pics, swear lol
Her: Noo u seen the ones that I was tagged in lmfao
Me: no i didnt but ill go look now lol
Her: No don't.!
Me: damn whos that big headed nigga lol
Me: light skinned dudelooks kinda like an arab
Her: My boy [older guy from my home town/guy shes talking to]...he's my ex. And he's mixed, not Arab lol.
Me: oh i know [guy shes talking to], i thought he looked familiar thats why i asked lol
Her: Oh lol...
Me: yeah hes [my friend]'s bro lol
Me: anyway i gave you a compliment and you leave me hanging, like whats with that? (this normally works to get them to at least say I'm cute and opens up for me to get them to call me sexy, and the dude is ugly, not to exaggerate)
Her: I'm not good with compliments.
Me: idk i told you that i thought you had a pretty face, and i get nothing in return, whats with that?
Her: Um...thank u.?
Me: damn your not used to getting compliments are you?
Her: No I get them a lot but I ignore them usually.
Me: oh, your trying to ignore mine huh?
Her: I'm still talking ain't I.?
Me: alright, well since u just manipulated me into looking through your pics and telling you what i think, its your turn
Her: Already did..
Me: already did what? you never told me what you thought lol
Her: I can't really tell u
Me: oh yeah and whys that?
Her: Cuz I'm still talkin to [guy].
Her: And I can't talk to other guys.
Me: We'll be discrete
Her: Thats lying and I just got into some serious trouble with him bc I lied
Me: Why is it your not dating?
Her: Bc I need to earn his trust back first.
(Right here I thought would be perfect for the boyfriend destroyer)
Me: well, You have to understand that he really likes you. Is just that deep down he has a fear that your too go od for him and think that you have to leave him and he'll be hurt deep down by it. He's just setting up an emotional barrier you know?
Her: What.? I'm not completely understand long...were did that come from.?
Me: im just trying to let you know where hes coming from
Her: Where who is coming from...?
Me: the guy your talking to, why he wont commit to a relationship
Her: No..I lied to him and in a way cheated but not really...
Me: so you cant have guy friends?
Her: I'm not sure...
Me: u cant talk to other guys?
Her: Don't think so....
Me: You have to understand that this guy really appreciates you, because you're probably the best girl that he ever got, or ever will get. I know that you care about this guy but there's just a certain equilibrium where if you've done this guy a favor by being with him and he's not equipped to handle it, since he knows that he'll never get a girl like you again if he walks out or gets too close, that he's just constantly frustrated and panicked that you'll leave for another guy. It's not his fault.
Her: Are u talking to him..??
Her: no, im just imagining whats going through his head
Her: It's [guy]...I think ur wrong. It's hard to understand what's going through his head.
Me: Idk, he must be like the perfect guy when your together
(Switched to in-compassionate which I thought started to take me somewhere)
Her: Why u say that.?
Me: the way you worry about him, am i right?
Her: I worry about him....
Me: why? because he seems distant, or detached?
Her: Distract. . and detached.
Me: well guess what
Me: that means he really cares about you, he doesnt want to get too caught up in the emotions because hes afraid of being hurt
Her: I dont think u really know [guy]... That's not how he is.
Me: Everybody has feelings, why else would he be acting this way?
Her: Idk... but he never talks about his feelings.. He says it pisses him off when I bring up what I did but not that i did it with someone else... its like he had no emotions what so ever
Me: Hes trying to hide the pain from you. He doesnt want you to think hes weak
Her: How do u know all this...?
Me: im a guy aint i?
Me: idk if i had a girl that cared about me that much id be taking her out and cuddling all the time and trying to make her feel special but thats just me
Her: He doesn't do that...
Me: he doesnt do what?
Her: Really show me attention at all
Me: you need someone who will give you the attention you deserve
Her: He will... Eventually. I hope.
Me: or he may be too afraid to open up to you ever
Her: That too...
Me: you shouldnt let him dictate your life if he cant give you the attention you deserve
Her: He's not dictating my life... I fucked up so I'm trying to gain his trust back.
Me: so you cant talk to other guys?
Her: Well that's kinda what got me in trouble in the first place
Me: i mean yea you gotta understand, hes just afraid of you leaving so its not his fault that he worries about who you talk to
Her: I did leave n he said he was kinda hurt about it and he didn't like that I was gone.
Me: so you cant go out?
Her: No I mean like I left him... All together.
Me: so you broke up with him?
Me: and do you want whats best for him?
Me: do you want to help stop him from having anymore pain?
Her: He's not feeling any....
Me: he must be dependent on you if he is scared of being together but yet wants to stick on the border
Her: He's not dependant on me
Me: then why wouldnt he just let you leave then? hes scared of being alone
Her: I'm not sure what's going on with him tbh...
Me: hes scared and doesnt know what to do without you but yet he doesnt have it in him to be close
Her: I dont think so...
Me: i dont know, it just seems like he feel inferior like he doesnt know what to do in order to keep you happy, hes scared youll take it as weakness
Her: I really dont think that's it
Me: what else could it be?
Her: Idk how to describe it... It's a [guys name] thing.
Me: does he show you passion like he used to?
Her: He never really did
Me: hes scared to open up
Her: [My name]... That's not it.
Me: hes a person, what else could it be?he has feelings like you and me
Her: Idk... he just doesn't like to talk about feelings n keeps them very well hidden
Me: its because hes scared of being judged for themhes scared of embarrassment and ridicule
Me: its the only logical explanation
Me: but listen
Her: Im listening
Me: if hes not giving you what you need, closure, attention, companionship, why should you have to put more effort than him?
Her: Bc I'm the one who fucked up in the first place
Me: no you didnt fuck up, you were doing what you want because your your own person
Her: Yes I did
Me: what right does somebody else have to tell you what you can and cant do?
Her: The person that I'm dedicated to
Me: but hes not dedicated to you
Her: He's not talking to other girls
Me: if he was, he would be able to forgive and open up to you again
(After a minute or so after it said "read" but she wasnt typing)
Me: i think your scared of change
I didn't get a response after and havent tried. I want to know what I did wrong and if I can jump back into this. Shes got a car and shes technically a milf so I'm after it lol. Thanks for the help in advance guys!