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Thread: Overtexted/Made self too available - Recovery possible?

  1. #1
    Corby is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Overtexted/Made self too available - Recovery possible?

    I overtexted/made myself way too available to a girl and wondering if it's possible to recover or if I blew it based on my situation. My question to you all before you read this - should I not contact her ever again and leave the ball in her court?

    There are some circumstances making this not "standard" right now (she's single mother, I live 90min away, I'll be traveling most of this spring) that has made my behavior more unconventional. I actually like her too so this makes it more difficult. She is the one who initially reached out to me. As usual, there's a lot that could be considered but I'll try to stick to the most pertinent. If more information would help, please let me know. Cheers.

    Went on a second date with said girl this past Friday and it wasn't a normal second date.
    Date lasted 7 hours. I gave her the opportunity to bail several times but she was game for more.
    We only made out but it lasted awhile and was initiated by both parties on multiple occasions.
    During the date, she basically laid out her entire past baggage to me (LOT of information).
    I played it cool and just told her I'd have to process it but at first listen it didn't phase me.
    After that, she begins speaking in future tense, etc.
    I drop her off at her house, go in, we make out, and both decide to stop there.
    Like I said, I actually like her and didn't want to bone first date.
    She says it'd be cool to maybe hang out again maybe before I go back.
    I text her mid-day Saturday to see about that evening. She says she's tired, no sitter, etc.
    I say no worries and could do Sunday if she's interested.
    She says she'd rather me not have to wait around with unmade plans with winter storm coming and bad roads, etc.
    I say no worries, we'll figure it out in a few days.

    I really start to cringe at myself here...
    I text her Sunday morning basically first thing (NOT GOOD I know) to let her know I like the photo she put up of her and her daughter on her Tinder profile.
    She didn't have a photo of her daughter up before we went on a date - I met the daughter first date (long story) - and she kept mentioning daughter on date as if she's gauging my interest.
    I basically overtexted Sunday.
    Again on Monday.
    I text her Monday night around 8ish because she told me she puts her daughter to bed at 7:30 and is busy until then everyday.
    I was trying to respect her time which may have backfired because it's her only free time.
    The text suggested we get dinner again Friday if she's free and maybe have a few less beers.
    *I also text that basically lets her know I'm interested to get to know her daughter but respect boundaries and will let her make the call how/when/if that happens.
    * = She invited me to her HOUSE on first date and introduced me to her daughter. She also sent me photos/video of her daughter otherwise I would NOT have texted this.
    I get a light-hearted text next morning with a photo saying she is getting her hair cut but will respond soon.
    I send a short, light-hearted text acknowledging her haircut and not saying anything about the other.
    She texts me multiple times throughout the day.
    I wait about a half hour before I respond and only send short responses and she immediately responds to all of my texts albeit with short responses of her own.

    Here I am, 2 days after that initial invite and I still haven't received a response. I think I made myself too available, texted too much, and turned her off. I behaved poorly because it's a new situation for me. I like her though and would like to salvage if possible. Any advice appreciated. Cheers and thanks for reading.


    Other Background Information
    - Her = 31y.o.; Me = 30y.o.
    - She has a 2y.o. daughter
    - Babydaddy bolted and wanted an abortion (not in the picture)
    - She has a master's degree, beautiful, and probably makes
    - She was married at 20 and divorced at 23 (not to Babydaddy obviously)
    - She is an only child from an upper-middle class, southern family.
    - She's super-hip some ways and super-southern other ways.
    - We matched on Tinder Dating App (also have 4 mutual Facebook friends) this past fall and finally connected.
    - I currently live about 90min away from her but travel to her city often as I have many friends/work there and will be relocating there for a start-up in May.
    - She's probably the most attractive woman I've ever been on a date with, and I'm concerned that may be in my subconscious and create the scarcity mentality.

  2. #2
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Overtexted/Made self too available - Recovery possible?

    Wait 2 weeks before texting again.

    You should have slept with her. You act as if waiting makes it better. It makes EVERYTHING WORSE!! Once you sleep with her, the whole relationship unfolds and is easy to maintain. And of course you should like girls you're seeing.

    Second, nothing about your situation is different. Every single girl has issues and shit. It just feels different because you've gotten invested.

    All you did was validate her alot. Once all those neurons in her brain stop firing, she's going to start thinking long and hard about how she really feels about you, then you'll play the "where is this going?" game on Date #2!!!

    Take the pussy off the pedestal. Yes, there are women we click with more, but you HAVE TO follow the rules if you want the results.
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  3. #3
    Corby is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Overtexted/Made self too available - Recovery possible?

    All you did was validate her alot. Once all those neurons in her brain stop firing, she's going to start thinking long and hard about how she really feels about you, then you'll play the "where is this going?" game on Date #2!!!
    1. Elaborate on that please.

    2. Still text her in 2 weeks even if she blows me off for this week?
    Seems desperate, no?

    Before we met in person, we exchanged Tinder texts for a bit. Each time communication fell off, she initiated texting again - once 2 weeks later and once 4 months later. She was also the reason texting fell off which makes me leery that I'm just there to kill her Mommy Boredom.

    3. Was thinking I messed up bad with the suggestion to have a few less beers. Possible to recover from this - if so, how?

  4. #4
    Swagman's Avatar
    Swagman is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Overtexted/Made self too available - Recovery possible?

    Quote Originally Posted by cdharders View Post
    You should have slept with her. You act as if waiting makes it better. It makes EVERYTHING WORSE!! Once you sleep with her, the whole relationship unfolds and is easy to maintain. And of course you should like girls you're seeing.
    NO NO NO!!! That's not always the case! Sex can either be a good thing or a bad thing is this relationship. I have seen relationships go downhill because the couple finally decided to do the deed, and there was nowhere else to go after that. If you feel like having sex will cause the relationship to break, then don't do it. There's nothing wrong with limiting the physical content of a relationship because you have boundaries. Having your own boundaries and beliefs is actually a very good thing, and you should always stand up for those.

    If you're good with your game, and you know how to say the right words, then you don't need physical action to get the girl. You acknowledge that you overtexted her and you made yourself too open and needy. That's the end line. You could wait two weeks and re-initiate, but it would be a good idea to move on. Check out the sticky threads on texting here for some really solid guides on texting. They will help you out A TON.
    "There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." - Malcolm X

  5. #5
    Corby is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Overtexted/Made self too available - Recovery possible?

    I never heard from her and don't expect to at this point.
    This REALLY bothers me because I feel like I was lured in, set up to put myself out there, I did, and she bailed.

    To be honest, I feel stupid. She gave me all the indicators to move forward and I did but messed it up. It's hard to say how much of this was/is her and how much was/is me. That bothers me for some weird reason.

    I keeping doing the what-ifing bullshit in my head.
    Maybe if I were already settled there and weren't taking off in a few weeks for 3 months I wouldn't have felt as rushed.
    Maybe if it were a big city I wouldn't let the scarcity mentality take over.

    There's other things too that prob played in to bailing...
    her Mom influence
    her Southern cultural upbringing
    Etc.

    I hate letting myself get duped like this. It's happened a handful of times in the past decade and it's one of the worst feelings. I have this absurd, burning desire to "need to know" what happened or be the one who rejects her.

    I'm really just venting here. Any advice/encouragement would be great.


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