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Thread: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

  1. #1
    PUAKevin is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    Hi guys,

    I have been having a relationship with my girlfriend for 5 months now. She's really into me. She's constantly saying she would like to have a future with me and is afraid that I will break up with her someday. She's also talking about living together in the near future. We see each other about 1-2 times a week, most of the time on saturday and sunday. Every three weeks or so she's going to a bar with a girlfriend or girlfriends. Whenever she's going to a bar, my mind makes me crazy.

    I'm thinking why is she dressing up so nicely, why is she putting on make-up. I know a lot of guys will try to hit up with her and I know some alcohol is involved. Her best friend is single, so she's hunting for a guy, which leaves my girlfriend standing there. I'm thinking what wil she do, will she chat up with another guy?? I'm also thinking why is she going out while she could be with me. She's constantly telling me "i miss you so much", but she's still going out. These thoughts are making me going crazy. I know they are very negative. I absolutely don't want to forbid her going to a bar.

    How could i deal with these feelings/thoughts? Should I discuss this with her?

    Thanks in advance!

    Kevin

  2. #2
    Wolf24's Avatar
    Wolf24 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    I felt exactly the same way about my girlfriend.

    In my humble opinion, the issue is only about yourself, your confidence.

    Deep down you might be scared that you're not worthy enough for her, that she'll leave you for some other guy. But I assure you, if you're treating her the right way she will absolutely devote herself to you and no amount of alcohol is gonna change that.

    I suggest doing some thinking about your relationship. Try to remember between the lines and you'll know how much she likes you, how much she's willing to hold on to you. Just relax, I'm sure you got this.
    It's not about who I was or who I'm going to become.

    It's about who I am. Do it right here, right now.

  3. #3
    PUAKevin is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    Thanks Wolf24!!!

    I know it's my confidence level. Some days I feel like it's no problem at all, but other days I think so negative. I will save your post on my computer, so whenever I feel negative I will read it. I already knew it's from within me but I just needed some affirmation from an external person. Thanks!

  4. #4
    Iamtheflow is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    I've had the same issue before and it definitely sucks dude. When she'd go out I'd always get the thoughts going around in the back of my head. Actually the back is an understatement. They were pretty prevalent and I was going nuts about it. My cure: Most of what Wolf24 said, think about what's awesome about you guys being together and the relationship as a whole, but also go out on the same nights as her. If you're being jealous about her going out and mixing it up then you need to go out and mix it up too. Chances are she's probably getting chatted up by some guys but if she's really into you then it will only be getting chatted up and nothing more. You just need to go out, have fun, drink some beer, and talk to girls. Trust me it's worked for as long as I can remember.

  5. #5
    SerialSeducer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    I can say Ive had the same thing happen to me.

    For a while I dated a bartender. A hot one at that. On top of it all she lived in Chicago (im in Miami). This is the holy trinity of DON'Ts. lol. Long Distance with a beautiful woman who works in the night club industry! That's like jealousy heart attack ready to happen. Anyway, it would drive me crazy on nights i knew she was working late at a bar with a bunch of drunk dudes. Didnt help that on some nights she would go out AFTER her shift. What I should have realized was that based on my knowledge of hitting on bartenders they are quite possibly the HARDEST girls to game. THey've heard it all. Theyre just not interested. It all came down to my insecurities.

    Its hard when you really like somebody. You mind releases a chemical cocktail of all kinds of crazy hormones and you feel like an addict being weened and just dying for the next hit or score. The BEST thing to do is work on yourself. Go the gym. Put energy in work and make money. Socialize and grow your skills. The feelings of insecurity may not go away but they will be diminished.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    Every three weeks or so she's going to a bar with a girlfriend or girlfriends. Whenever she's going to a bar, my mind makes me crazy.
    really? why do you make such a big deal out of it?? she isn't going out searching for another man. odds are she's just hanging out with her lady friends. its just like how you might go to a bar with the guys to drink and shoot some pool. girls will go out with there girlfriends to have drinks and socialize and maybe dance a little. she isn't going to sacrifice your relationship for a one-night stand with some guy she barely knows.

  7. #7
    drgnsfire12 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    Hey meteora that’s pretty funny .... let me ask you something, if anyone of us met a hot girl at a club and she said she had a boyfriend but he wasn't there what we do !?!?!?!?!?! With that being said, a Swedish girl I was once dating who had a lot of male friends and who was very flirty with guys made me realize that being jealous is NOT being Alpha it’s actually very AFC ...... Just my two cents

  8. #8
    meteora's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    let me ask you something, if anyone of us met a hot girl at a club and she said she had a boyfriend but he wasn't there what we do !?!?!?!?!?!
    I know lots of girls who have boyfriends, yet they still go out to the club every weekend. they usually will not sacrifice there long term investment boyfriend for a One Night Stand unless their boyfriend is doing a terrible job at maintaining the relationship.

    oftentimes girls will go out to get hit on for little more than an ego boost.

    of course there are guys like me who could try and woo her, but if she's been dating you for several months, she's not going to fall for just any guy she meets at the club.

    and if it was my girl going out to the club like that, I wouldn't care if she cheated, if nothing else that gives me an excuse to bang as many other girls as I please. you won't ever see me crying over a girl who doesn't want to commit.

  9. #9
    SolidT is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    Now that am in.i would choose outing over staying home wondering about my girl.

  10. #10
    Essential17 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Being insecure when my girlfriend is going to a bar

    Those kids whose parents trust them to go out and be in control, tend to be the ones who are more responsible and never want to betray that mutual trust.

    The same applies to trust in a relationship too. Counter-intuitively, the more freedom you give your partner the more faithful they will be to you.

    The important issue you need to let go of is that she does not belong to you. She is her own person and you cannot control what decisions she makes. Once you understand this your insecurities will disappear.
    It's time to drop use of the archaic 'HB' grading slang.
    A modern, more descriptive, and complimentary system: A girl is...
    Below your league / In your league / Above your league


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