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Thread: Dating at work

  1. #11
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    Ok this was a big thing for me when starting out because getting girls at work is really easy for me. I think it's easy in general, but I see alot of guys asking about this so maybe my initial impression was wrong. Not sure, so I'm just going to say my thoughts about it.

    You prob want a better answer, but it basically goes like this... It can be VERY good or VERY bad. There is no in between as far as this topic is concerned. It's basically a Mindset you must have. Getting a girl from work will be awesome or horrible. If she is not captivating you and being awesome, don't do it.

    When you think like this, you can see things a little clearer. You can weed out who is not worth your time and who can be great. BUT BUT BUT... The main criteria you must hold above all else is TRUST. You can get with a girl at work as long as she is super trustworthy. If you do not allow this to be your number one qualification, you will end up bad. Very bad. We are talking about your livelihood here, so you must be extra on guard not to do anything that may jeopardize your career. That must be paramount. You must be able to trust her.

    The second thing you must keep in mind is to spread yourself around with BOTH sexes. Make sure you do not single out hot women too much. Always act cool around guys as well as girls. Game girls you aren't particularly attracted to. Really try to engage guys at work, become cool with them. The purpose is to be like a juggler. People will see you in male social groups, female, ugly girls etc... You're juggling all of them. Because you do, no one can say that you single out a particular group. So if anyone makes accusations (whether actual or just perceived in their mind) there will be evidence on your side that you are simply a social guy. If your stuck up female supervisor thinks you flirt with her hot workers, she may try to say you're giving bad attention to them. BUT if you are just social, she must think about it because there us evidence that you are just a cool person who is social to all people. And because you are social, people can back you up or defend you. So alot of problems will be diffused before they even start.

    The other main thing to keep in mind is that work girls are NOT your main PU targets. Alot of AFC use work as a time to hardcore game. False. News gets around quick. Once your rep is player or flirt, you may very well be sunk. So game girls at work but do not treat them as serious. Girls at work will always be a work in progress. This can be super hard because you and work girls spend alot of time together. So they will see a pretty good pix of who you are and feelings can escalate quickly (which is why AFC become "work players"). But you have to go back to what I said... Trust is number one. Even if she has a sexy butt in her tight skirt lol

    So you have to take time to see who will not spread your business all over. Most girls have a girlfriend at work, so you must take note of how her best friend is also. There will always be some transmission of info... That unavoidable. But if you are awesome to her friends as well as her, there will be little damage done to your rep.

    However long it is to build trust will influence how long this will take. It could be a month of working next to her or four months of seeing her once a week. Depends. If you feel you can trust her, then start with small work day date things... Going to get ice cream at lunch for example. Build up the time together alone slowly. If she brings a friend, don't be discouraged. Do the thing, and try again in a couple weeks to go with her alone. If that goes ok and she hasn't blabber it to every workmate, progress a little more. Tell her this cool thing you are going to see on the weekend. Ask her if she's seen it. Tell her she should come.

    And if she proves to be untrustworthy, you can bail anytime along this process and escape relatively unharmed. But the key is building slowly and always qualify her trustworthiness.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  2. #12
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    Oh and an addendum...

    If or when you two have sex... You should treat it as a semi serious relationship. This helps keep the trust and will keep her from telling everyone.

    Say you're surprised that you two are so close but you're intrigued and want to see where this goes. Also say that while you do, no one at work must know. It would cause way too many headaches and problems. Your business together is your business.

    I say treat it as semi serious because you can be honest that you guys are just seeing where this goes, that you aren't exclusive and she will accept it. But if she feels rejected at all when it doesn't work out, or if she feels that you are a player after all... SHE WILL BECOME YOUR WORST ENEMY!!!

    PU always says leave her better than when you found her. This can not be more important than in this situation.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  3. #13
    jstorm1140 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    I only read the first couple replies and im pretty sure everyone is on the same page with me lol dating and work dont co-exist very well.

    I just wanted to add that Ive actually been fired from a place because I was dating a girl there, and co-workers would complain to HR and say it made them "uncomfortable" and they felt there was "bias" towards couples(we werent the only ones who got disciplined)....i believe the company said it was a form of "sexual harassment" for us to talk about our relationship in the presence of others, or even to just hug on break, etc.

    hahaha.it was terrible job anyways.

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    @jstorm... That's because everyone knew about it.

    That's why trust is key. Because any girl u may date from work must be a secret. No way else to do it
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  5. #15
    jstorm1140 is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    yeah that was my mistake with it - she liked attention and being open with it. i didnt really care either way but i realized i probably shouldve shut that down

  6. #16
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    Yes! But that's how I learned what works. And also why I treat women at work as back ups, or secondary gaming. It takes time to really establish who you can trust. If you treat them as primary game, then you might jump the gun too soon and end up making a mistake. After that, your business gets out and your rep goes to zero.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  7. #17
    LockDown's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    Dug up an article I remembered helped me with this topic... Also good for dating within social circles.


    Dating at Work, School, and Within Your Social Circle
    By Nick Savoy

    Some people say "don't do it."

    And that's a fair argument. You definitely are taking risks. A pickup attempt or a relationship that doesn't work out can create a bad situation within your social circle. This can mean as little as a bit of awkwardness or as much as complete alienation from the group. There is usually a loss of Social Status, and, at work, there may be professional issues.

    Still, a lot of you are going to do it anyway and truth be told, it can be done well. Here are some basic principles:

    1.Don't start with this until you are good. Your immediate social or professional circle is not the place to practice.
    2.Pickup within your circle is often much more gradual than a "cold approach" (when you meet a woman you don't know in a public place).
    3.The principles of Love Systems stay the same, but the tactics become different.
    Here's why the tactics are different.

    Love Systems techniques are designed for "cold approaches" where you don't know the woman beforehand and you may be subjected to a limited amount of time. Most social situations such as parties, restaurants, parks, clubs, or airplanes fall into this category. The strength of the system lies in the ability to take the "normal" pattern of how a relationship develops (which is usually over several weeks) and compress it into a few hours.

    This is an important point. Dating within your social circle does not mean expanding or adapting Love Systems to a slower-moving social situation. It means putting the underlying principles of the technique back into their natural habitat.

    It's both harder and easier than you might think.

    It's harder because you generally need to be "on" for a lot more time. You already know, for example, that from meeting a stranger to beginning a sexual relationship with her takes some time. However, spending an 8 hour workday in the cubicle next to that attractive woman in marketing does not count the same way. But you still need to be "on" for those 8 hours. She will still notice any "mistakes" or low-value behavior you exhibit over that time (and tomorrow, and the next day).

    On the positive side, you have a lot more time to exhibit genuine positive characteristics about yourself to her. In an airport lounge, you may have only a few minutes, and therefore have to cram some demonstrations of high value into your conversation very quickly so you catch her interest. Someone you see every day can learn about these attractive characteristics of yours "naturally," over the course of time. She'll know you date beautiful women because she sees them, not because you subtly implied it. She'll know you're confident and have leadership capabilities because she sees it, not because you artificially constructed a situation that allowed you to demonstrate it.

    However, the quotation marks around "naturally" are for a reason. Recognizing the slower pace of the interaction does not mean doing nothing. You still need to position yourself and go through the various phases of the Emotional Progression Model. You just don't have to rush it.

    In addition, there are a number of tactical differences that apply to social circle game.

    •Openers are unnecessary, and opening is easy. The same goes for "hard qualification:" it's needless.
    •Avoid dates. She's in your circle, so invite her and everyone else out for something fun: drinks after work, a trip to a club, dinner, and so on. On the surface, it's just social (and a demonstration that YOU are the leader, since you're the one who organizes who goes out and where you go). If she's attracted, she'll make sure she's there.
    •Within your circle, peer endorsement is absolutely crucial. It's important enough in cold approaches, as her friends should like you a lot to encourage her to leave with you or to see you again. It's extra important when dealing with mutual friends, since they know you. Time spent managing your social circle is rarely time wasted.
    •Do NOT put her on the spot. Don't kiss her where anyone can see. Don't get into a lot of touching that would draw attention to you and her.
    In a lot of office/social circle/class romances, opening and attraction generally happen in the day-to-day interactions of your group. This is where living the life of a confident, successful man (as opposed to putting on this persona just when you go out) is important. Qualification, and some of comfort, may also happen here, but more often occurs at a designated group social event.

    Dating within your social circle is how most people meet their significant other, and you can do it too. There are some differences in getting a girl within your circle. It will generally happen over a longer period of time. There are also tactical differences between cold approach and social circle game, and generally it's a lot easier within your circle to get a girlfriend.
    Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
    Oscar Wilde


  8. #18
    deanjones is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Dating at work

    It is good and bad both, it is good because you will get more time, but bad if any thing is wrong between you, will face on work place also.



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