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  1. #1
    tbonecanucks is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default She's definitely interested, but not with texting

    Hey guys, (Sorry for the long read, but I could use some help!)

    So there's this girl I asked out early in December. She was definitely down, but we didn't get around to it until the end of the month because I had exams and she had a sister's wedding to plan. We'd texted a little bit before the date but not too much. The date went well, conversation was steady, we joked and had playful banter etc. Ended with a hug. I promptly tried to schedule a second, and she was excited that I had. When it came to the date, she cancelled because she was sick. I rescheduled, and I cancelled because I was sick. Timing has not been our thing. We finally got out last week for the second date, both of us recovering from our sickness, so it was short, but sweet. It ended with a goodnight kiss which she actually instigated. That works for me.

    Anyhow, on to the texting. She's VERY inconsistent. Sometimes she'll text me back right away (usually at night when it seems she's nothing better to do), but most of the time it'll be hours. I'm talking upwards of 5 hours to get back to me, and sometimes not until the next day even if I text her early in the afternoon. Normally I wouldn't care so much, but I've invested a lot of effort into her, and she's actually pretty cool. I met her through a friend, and he can verify that it's just how she is. She rarely texts back right away, and hours later isn't uncommon, so I'm not so worried that it's a problem that *I* have. My problem, though, is that it's boring as all hell. I want to talk to this chick, but she makes it difficult to keep a steady conversation going.

    Additionally: She always replies eventually, and often ends texts with questions to continue the conversation. If the conversation ends and goes dry for a day or more, she won't be the one to initiate again.

    Do you guys have any tips that I could try out to get her more interested in talking to me? I feel it's a bit early to call her out on it, but maybe I can make some sort of passive comment so that she realizes that it bothers me or something. Please, help me out if you can.

    Thanks a lot!

  2. #2
    cdharders's Avatar
    cdharders is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She's definitely interested, but not with texting

    Focus on meeting with her. You lower the value of your physical presence if it's easy for her to communicate with you whenever.
    Dont worry much about the time. People are busy
    The Official Tinder Playbook--> http://conquerdatingapps.co m <--Stop swiping, start hooking up

  3. #3
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    Kyl3 is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She's definitely interested, but not with texting

    Text less.
    I would just use texting to make plans or for logistics man. To set up hangout mostly.
    Don't call her out on it. when you get mad or call a girl out in this situation you look needy and clingy. I would avoid ever getting mad in any situation it just makes you look stupid unless there's a genuine reason to be ticked.
    If you want to get her to invest in conversation use some cliff hangers. Example:
    Hey, so the craziest thing just happened and you would of loved seeing it. Btw (pick a day) you're rolling with me to (do whatever you want to do with her) 6:03pm . It's going to be a blast. (Pick random times to hangout she'll remember it more like 7:46 or 8:12. Lol)
    Or
    I just saw your twin and you would never believe what she said to me.
    Things like that.

  4. #4
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
    I.M.Mortal is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She's definitely interested, but not with texting

    First of all, women vary when it comes to texting. Some girls are text fanatics and some are very sparse with their texting. From my personal experience (at least from the women I've dealt with), they are not into long texting conversations.

    The current girl I am working on...our texts have lasted 2 exchanges to 10 at the most (one time). She never initiates BUT she always replies. And like your girl, sometimes it is quick and sometimes it can take a day. So you are not alone. It doesn't mean she likes you any less.

    Echoeing what Kyl3 said...And this is common PUA knowledge...Texting is a 3rd tier form of communication. Its purpose is to not to have meaningful or interesting conversations via block of text. It's purpose is logistics to work your way up the tier to a phone call and ultimately the real way of communication - person to person where social/PUA skills are put to the ultimate test and the real deal takes place where you can't be hiding behind a screen and have all the time for a witty response. I am a firm believer that the reliance on texting these days is plain silly and undercuts social skills and makes one's charismatic energy lazy. When I hear of high school kids these days standing 10 feet from each other texting, I balk.

    Lastly, DO NOT EVER CALL HER OUT ON IT. Repeat that in your head if you ever feel so tempted. It will make you look needy and definitely not attractive. In fact, it will turn her off. You need to keep your frame and be alpha. This should be the least of your worries.

    The text game is a whole new game. To come good at it you need to do your own research and read up some guides. But the general rule of thumb is you don't want to be boring with crap like...

    "Hey what are you up to?" The girl is busy stuck in her boredom trance going about her day, stuff like this will inconvenience her because now she has to respond. Not attractive.

    I know your problem is you are worried that she will lose interest if you can't keep the attraction going in some way when you can't see her in person, so you rely on texting. There is something called a "holding pattern" text where you say something to her to spark her interest, something funny to pull her out of her boredom trance. Kyl3 gave you one textbook example.
    My recent personal example was this...

    I was in another state for 1 month. My girl somehow found me on Twitter (Til this day I don't know how she did it because I used an alias. But the fact that she did shows that she was thinking of me to put forth the effort) So I texted her the next day

    ME: "Oh noes! You found me on Twitter. Now you know my Stripper stage name."
    (She responded the next morning.)
    HER: "Somehow I'm not surprised :P Sorry for the delayed response."
    ME: Omg. Sounds like you are sooo busy! And I'm over here in paradise, at the beach, basking in the sun, drinking my pina colada...thinking of you...wishing you were here...to massage my feet, clean my house, cook my dinner...hahaha.

    (No response from her. Normally this would crack her up. How odd...)

    6 days later, I hit her up again.

    ME: Hey [her name]! Chocolate or Vanilla?

    (She responded the next day)

    HER: Shoot [my name]! I'm terribly sorry, I've been running around like crazy. Chocolate!
    ME: Oooh, so do I. It's okay. I forgive u and still making u my text messaging gf on Saturdays

    (convo goes on for 4 more lines. Short brief. But that is all that is needed)

    2 days later...When I got back into town early morning, I know I won't be seeing her so I pinged her with another holding pattern text.

    ME: Hey [her name]! I just got in this morning and I'm stoked to be back! I think I'm gunna go rob a bank. Wanna be my partner in crime? I'll drive and you shoot.
    (She responded that afternoon)
    HER: Welcome baaack! u sound excited! The way my week is going, I would be the reason we get busted, so u'd better find another partner for that robbery...
    ME: Aww. I figure since u are already "running around" you'd be perfect lol. And since u r Columbian, we can even call it the "Columbian Job" mmhmm.
    (No response. So I reinitiated but this time switched to establishing comfort. Convo continues for 6 more lines)

    When I saw her, I found out she was going through a rough time when she lost one of her jobs, hence her slow response, lack of conversation investment and humor. The funny thing is I brought her back chocolate - inexpensive belated XMas gift - to help put a smile on her face.

    So a "holding pattern" text is all you need to do to help maintain attraction. Don't fall into the entertainer trap. Switch off to comfort at times. And most importantly remember...texting shouldn't be used as a substitute for conversation (when it comes to your girl or mine).

    The best analogy I can make for texting is:

    It's like taking a protein bar to stave off the hunger and carry you through when you can't eat. But remember...It's not real food.

  5. #5
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: She's definitely interested, but not with texting

    During your initial meetup make interactions brief and pull out once you get the number etc.this should be pertinent if you are looking to socialize more that day.


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