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Thread: drunk texting issue

  1. #1
    LAMEtext is offline PUA in Training
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    Default drunk texting issue

    Hi all,

    First off, I feel that I'm too needy / pushy with my texts... so I'd like to get some advice on how you can avoid it. Big thanks upfront!

    My case:

    - I recently broke up with my girlfriend (6 year relationship)
    - She's the only girl I really dated (which I did some efforts for)

    When I started at my first job, and got my company car, the fleetmanager (girl) looked up my information with her colleagues, and tried to add me on facebook. You cannot add me if you don't have any common friends ... so she send me a message.

    Two weeks ago I saw the message (was not in the regular mailbox) and responded, she immediately replied and we've been texting over facebook/whatsapp for the last week very intensively (at any time!).

    She now lives in LA for a fashion education, but is planning to come back to Europe in June. She asked several times if I can't come on holiday for a week, to go to the beach, hiking, wathever!

    Two days ago we had our first skype conversation which lasted 2 hours. She was extremely fun and enthousiastic.

    The conversation:

    This night I've been texting her A LOT while I was drunk. here's a list of the horrible things that happened :

    last night:

    - ME: (I've send a picture, and then texted )"selfie"
    - SHE: (the picture didn't upload, so she just replied) ""
    - ME: "did you got the picture?"
    - ME: "nvm, i'm too drunk (beer emoticon)"
    - SHE: "which? "
    - ME: "my selfie of this night"
    - SHE: "hahah!!"
    - ME: "it's hopeless "
    - ME: (i send her a screenshot of my whatsapp where I show that the selfie does not upload)
    - ME: "THAT was the selfie!"
    - SHE: "oh ok I did not receive it yet!"
    - ME: "Damn"
    - ME: "Tomorrow I'll feel so bad"
    - ME: "What are you doing?"
    - SHE: "haha, <her lastname> ?? " (I typed her lastname terribly wrong in my contactlist - and she noticed.)
    - SHE: "I'm to a friend in hollywood!"
    - ME: "<her lastname>?"
    - ME: "that is indeed your lastnames "
    - SHE: "No "
    - SHE: "<her REAL lastname>"
    - ME: "ohhh"
    - ME: "I'm such a terrible person"
    - ME: "ever"
    - ME: (i send her a screen of her updated name in my contactlist)
    - ME: (blush smiley)
    - ME: "What will you do in hollywood?"
    - SHE: "haha"
    - SHE: "ehm, I think just dinner and drinks!"
    - ME: "I don't dare to every speak again"
    - SHE: "What do you mean? "
    - ME: "I'm drunk and I don't know what I'm typing!"
    - ME: "so yeah, I had a lot more than 1 beer"
    - SHE: "haha!"
    - ME: "I'm so ashamed! <smiley>"
    - SHE: (sends me the smiley of a monkey covering his eyes...)

    This morning:

    - ME: "Today no more selfies...<emoticon which throws a kiss>"
    - ME: "ah damn, wrong emoticon! "
    - ME: "how was hollywood?"
    - SHE: "great!!! "

    So now I feel like I'm doing all the things I shouldn't do .... she was a lot shorter than the previous days :/

    Questions:

    1. Any advice on how I can fix this?
    2. What is the next step I need to take?
    3. What may I never do?
    4. How do I need to act during a Skype conversation?
    5. How bad is my current situation?

    Sidenote:

    She is extremely hot, and I have no clue why she has any interest in me! I'm still stunned about the fact that she contacted me and did all those efforts!

    I also do not want to have somekind of girl rotation, so I don't only focus on her... it's in no way any of my interests to date any other woman (they simply don't come even close to her looks)

  2. #2
    lilsting's Avatar
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    You didn't do anything too bad in my opinion. Your texts actually sound like you're drunk, and actually come off as kind of humorous. Just avoid drunk texting as it can take a turn for the worst at any moment.

    1. Just wait a couple of days (like 2-3 and re initiate contact)

    2. Next step should be to hang out with her when she gets back, but if that's to far away then do another Skype date.

    3. I don't even know what you're asking. You can do what ever you want, just understand the consequences of your actions. If you masterbate on camera the next time you Skype and curse her out, she's probably not going to want to ever talk to you again.

    4. Up the sexual Tension over skype. Tell her the next time you skype for her to wear that thing that you like .. Usually gets a laugh when I say it cause they don't know what I'm talking about, but they end up looking nice. Make her spin on camera to check out her outfit and then confess that your eyes wandered while she was spinning and that she has a nice ass. You can joke on her if you want too. "You look fantastic! That scarf is just ehhhh though" and smile hard. These are just some things I usually do when I'm on a date to increase the sexual tension, and let the woman know my intentions.

    5. Not bad. Avoid texting threads like the last one you posted. It was rather pointless. Also, avoid double/triple texting as it usually displays neediness. Keep pushing forward. Just be careful that you don't text her too much and avoid displaying needy behavior, as obvious as those things sound.

    Always have a rotation of women unless you're dating. Why? Simply because if one doesn't work out you can just rotate to another. She is not the only hot girl out there, you just have to go and find more! A rotation also helps you with not developing oneitis so quickly as lot of guys tend to do.

  3. #3
    LAMEtext is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    Thanks for the quick reply!

    I'm very introvert, but I try to be as extravert as I can! During our Skype session she talked probably about 80% of the time (she's very extravert), is this a bad thing?

    How can I train on being more extravert? Talking to random girls to gain confidence? (I never approach a girl (besides throwing a wink when I'm interested), they always approach me...)

  4. #4
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    so I saw she posted something on her instagram about a fashion design she made so I texted the following:

    "Btw, I just saw your design on your instagram, it looks very nice! How much time did you spend on creating it?"

    (translated version)

    1) should I have texted her?
    2) is the text message good?
    3) if she replies, how long should I wait before sending a reply?

    Actually she already has replied (she just woke up). Because we are texting using whatsapp, I can only see the first line:

    4) should I open the entire text (she can see that I've read it)?
    5) which one is better: the fact that she knows that I've read it, but I don't reply OR the fact that she knows that I haven't read it (and therefor couldn't have replied yet)

    Thanks in advance!

  5. #5
    LAMEtext is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    So... this is the follow-up:

    SHE: "it's my teacher's " (she replied this at the time she woke up)
    ME: "Wow, he has talent! Will you capable of drawing those at the end of your training :O" (waited 2-3 hours to reply)
    SHE: "I will try " (after 5 minutes)

    She following a class at the moment, but do I need to reply on her last message? I find it difficult to come up with something! What would you guys do here?

  6. #6
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    Don't text back for like a day.
    Stop texting so much.
    You need to PROVOKE emotion in your texts or be doing it to setup hangouts or don't text at all.
    All you're doing is building too much rapport, which will lead you to losing attraction. Stop being her texting buddy. Don't be that guy.
    Honestly I'm surprised she's texted you for this long, just because it's so easy for her to just flake & stop texting you back.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    Kyl summed it up the PUA texting basics.

    This is one of those rare circumstances where you got lucky here with a girl who already likes you and is a textaholic. Maybe it's a European thing because I'm seeing a trend. But she sounds fun and enthusiastic.

    Your situation isn't bad, but you can still shoot yourself in the foot. When you are texting as much as you are (especially with all that double texting), you make yourself look too available, it will lower your VALUE and she will stop appreciating you.

    So just dial it back a bit. Mirror her style. Be the last to end the exchange. Give her a chance to respond and don't text her back until she does. Don't wait for her like a puppy dog. Show her you got a life outside of texting. When I was unable to see my girl for 1 month, I texted her on the average once every 5 days to "stay on her radar," saying something cool and funny and kept the exchange brief. Short, powerful and memorable is what you want.

    And don't ever text a girl when you are drunk. If you are going to get blown out, at least get blown out when you are yourself. You got lucky there.

    You don't have to work that hard. Based on what you described, most of the PUAs here would agree that her interest level is pretty high to begin with.

    Remember: You are the prize. Make her work for it.

  8. #8
    marvilo's Avatar
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    Next time remember not to text when you're drunk. You seemed desperate in the text.
    You lose some you win some, learn from your mistakes and get better!

  9. #9
    LAMEtext is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    hi!

    Thanks for the very solid feedback, I REALLY appreciate this guys!
    This is a complete new world for me :-)

    Update:

    SHE: "it's my teacher's " (she replied this at the time she woke up)
    ME: "Wow, he has talent! Will you capable of drawing those at the end of your training :O" (waited 2-3 hours to reply)
    SHE: "I will try " (after 5 minutes)
    ME: "Do you also have to make these sketches? "
    SHE: "Yes!"
    ME: "Show! "
    SHE: "Still have to make them! till monday "
    ME: "You ever made one before? "
    SHE: "yeye!"
    ME: "then make sure it's better than the one from creepo " (she told me she had a kind of stalky colleague which she called <creepo>)
    SHE: "Haha yes hopefully!"

    So I can conclude I kept looking very desperate :-) Haven't texted her for a half day now - she hasn't texted me back (which is exactly what I expected).

    Short term plans:

    Now, tomorrow I'm going for a business training to Prague (7 days), she already told me she'd like to have another Skype session when I'm there... If she does not text me, should I send her a text message on wednesday?

    And I'll have to be honest: I looked VERY desperate when I told her I'm going to Prague ("Hey, next week I'm on a training in Prague, I don't know anyone there, so let's have another Skype talk then? "
    ... she replied: "Ok!! ")

    How can I not look desperate ? ^^

    Additional information:
    1. I'll be following your advice and get me a rotation in prague (just for the distraction!)
    2. I do have a good nickname for her (where she laughed a lot with + she even uses it now)
    3. She told me a lot of her girlfriends were complaining because she did not text back quick enough
    4. One week ago she was almost stalking me with messages (so it has gone downwards for a while now!)


    TLDR: help me! I'm desperate ;-)

  10. #10
    I.M.Mortal's Avatar
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    Default Re: drunk texting issue

    - Cut out all those unnecessary emoticons. You overuse them and it is every line. Girls do that. It makes you look silly. They should only be used to convey context/mood.

    - If you think you look/sound desperate, it because your text is one big series of questions...like she is on a job interview. It seems you resort to asking questions because you are needy for a response. But look at her answers. They are short, meaning she is not invested.

    ME: "Will you capable of drawing those at the end of your training?
    ME: "Do you also have to make these sketches?
    ME: "You ever made one before? "

    You are not going to attract any girl like this. Why? Because it comes off as an inconvenience/hassle for her to answer. Hence, her short one word answers. It's not fun. It's not flirty. It doesn't spark her emotions. It's not attractive. I can talk to my neighbor like this.

    As for your last question...Not good. You just dlv yourself. You lowered your value in her eyes. You just told her that you don't know anyone in Prague, therefore you NEED her. You sub communicated to her that "I will be lonely because I don't know how to meet new people, and I don't know how to have fun without you."

    Next time, you don't have to rush when you text. Always think before you send out a text. Slow down. Take all the time to THINK about what you are going to say and why u r saying it.

    I will give you an example of one of my text exchanges with my girl.
    I was stuck at work for 5 days. I couldn't see her, and decided to do what is called a "holding pattern" text to "stay on her radar." That was the only purpose.

    ----------------------------------------------------------
    12:18p ME: Bleh, work is boring...I’d rather be wrestling alligators with you at [X].
    5:33p HER: Oh man! R u still on set now?
    Next Day I replied:
    9:07a ME: Yea lame. No salsa for a week. Won’t be back in town til Sunday *sigh* Satisfying hungry cougars is a tough job...I feel so exploited lol. BUT, don’t worry, I’ll catch up and make it up to u with a private on wed. So don’t forget! (This was an inside joke we shared that I was going on tour as a male Stripper)
    9:52a HER: Oh man! I hope the withdrawal symptoms aren’t too bad! Hungry cougars? Since when do screenwriters satisfy that function?
    10:21a ME: See, it’s all your fault. I have to cope with Nicole-tine withdrawals AND deal with hungry cougars...Something only screenwriters with a sexy mind, body, and a good piece of dance DNA can perform (Her pet name is Nicole-tine as in nicotine the drug)
    10:54a HER: Lol! I’m sorry, but how r cougars and not dancing my fault?!
    12:31p ME: You got me hooked by taking my salsa dance virginity. Although my mind was saying ‘no’ my body was saying ‘yes’
    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    So you see? I did two key things 1) I got her riled up and invested in the conversation by sparking her emotions by keeping things fun and flirty 2) I established a connection by using inside jokes that we personally shared and references to our past experience. She was the first girl I ever danced salsa with. This is only something I can say only to this girl.

    Also note the intervals between texts. I mirrored her. Took my sweet time. And even though I joked that I'm addicted to her, it still doesn't convey desperation/neediness because it's fun with some push/pull.

    Also notice how she ended up the one asking the questions and not me? It reflects her investment.

    So my tip to you is you need to come off as fun, flirty (without relying on emoticons) and make a deeper connection using personal experiences you both shared (pet names work too).

    Best of luck.


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