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  1. #1
    CriticalRap is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Looking for some profile feedback

    So after awhile away from the game and working on myself in general I've decided to give online dating another whirl, here's my 'about me' section

    "To be honest I have a short attention span, sometimes I'll watch a film get bored pause it and start reading a book, get bored of the book and go back to the film. Sometimes I'll read and watch a film, why? Because I'm badass that's why. I've been told I look like the lead singer from Biffy Clyro and Justin Bieber, Biffy I was cool with but Bieber makes me question my faith in humanity...

    Anyway drop me a line and let's get up to some mischief!"

    I tried to keep it short and with glimpses of humor and confidence.
    I would say it's possibly to short and the Biffy/Bieber bit isn't very strong, thoughts?

    Critical

  2. #2
    CriticalRap is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    Also my headline is " I have no creepy shirtless pictures"

  3. #3
    archard's Avatar
    archard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    Ok, so first off, I definitely agree it's too short. There's no creativity or excitement here either. There's nothing about you and nothing that would be intriguing to a woman. I'm also getting the impression that you can't follow through and actually finish ANYTHING, nevermind a movie or book... I see that you're trying to inject some humor, but I'm just not feeling it man.

    You've really got to be creative and different and show some personality so you stand out from all the other guys.

    If you tell me some stuff about you and what you're interests are, what you like to do, what you want in a woman, etc., I can help you craft something better.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    The point of your write-up and headline on these sites is to be emotionally stimulating, to achieve what you can't achieve via your pictures alone. Make it your priority to cover as much ground as possible. This is why your headline is garbage. Let her see that you don't have shirtless pictures.. By stating that you don't it in a way cancels out the fact that you aren't a douchebag.. She will see that you don't have douchey pics, but with your headline you are boasting about it. You cancelled it out.

    Talk about your interests, be funny and engaging.. Be interesting, sensitive (mention you love animals if you do etc.) You want to show confidence but you don't want to come off as arrogant. It's okay if your write-up is somewhat long, but don't over-do it.

    Capture her eyes with your pictures, capture her emotions with your write-up and headline.

  5. #5
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    By stating you get bored easily doesn’t make you badass. It just makes you sound like a boring guy and even lacking focus and commitment potential (i.e. her).


    I always try and state positive attractive virtues about myself that ALL women find attractive. What are some of the things ALL women find attractive? Strength, being a provider, a protector, a committed partner, successful (wealthy and healthy), creative, smart, funny, confident, have a skill or talent, caring, honest, has goals in life. Every woman, no matter who they are, are hardwired biologically to seek out certain virtues. If you can at least tick some of those virtue boxes you can increase your appeal to a wide range of women. Get that system or structure down and then add humour/cockiness like seasoning afterwards.


    Personally I avoid stating micro details like hobbies/interests (film, book) or comparisons (Beiber, Biffy) because you could potentially push away girls who may dislike those things and every other guy craps on about that stuff. For example I often see people write things like ‘I like dogs’ but what if there are cute girls out there that are cat lovers? They may not respond on principle. It’s better to gain fundamental attraction with as many women as possible before introducing hobbies and your detailed likes/dislikes in life unless you are going for a specific target like a Goth or gym head. Later you can cull the ones who are not into similar things as you, if that's important.


    Rather than using comparisons or giving them a ‘glimpse’ it’s much better to just state confidently up front what you are instead of hiding it or relying on an unknown 3rd person opinion. Say ‘I am a smart, funny, good looking, confident guy who is passionate about life and likes to have fun. I have a smile you can sail a ship on and my pet rock has never run away from me’ (the virtues will sink into her subconcious and the smile/rock part will hopefully get her curious or giggling - especially if your photo demonstrates that). By stating that you are demonstrating your confidence, rather than saying 'people say I look like this'. Say things with 100% conviction. Then go on to work out or integrate some unique/funny creative ways of proving or expressing that whilst adding some mystery. You could take all sorts of angles to elaborate: ‘Here I am in a spiral arm of the milky way galaxy, looking at all these beautiful twinkling stars through my sapphire blue eyes telescope – shooting stars are whizzing by and I’m going to catch the best one, how I wonder who you are?’ or remember how many girls love vampire stuff ‘I’m a tall handsome vampire…piercing charming eyes...well groomed – seductive - I need someone to sink my teeth into…are you willing to be immortal with me? I'll protect you from the werewolves haha’. These are off the top of my head, make your own up, but they should evidence your attractive virtues without being too serious.


    Girls browse hundreds of profiles so you need to get a memorable hook (shooting star, vampire, whatever) and your virtues advertised quickly and effectively. Don’t rely on or sheepishly ask women writing to you 'drop me a line' (it's not innovative and thus boring) if your profile is good they will naturally want to write. Ensure your profile locks them in enough to write back if you are writing to them. Your hook hopefully can also help spark the initial conversation forward rather than being an interview. You can keep it short as you can reveal your virtues in one confident sentence and demonstrate it with one creative hook, paragraph or story. Less is more. They are not there to read a novel or learn your biography and unless you're Shakespeare the more you write the more chance you have to say something stupid.

    Change your headline to something you DO have or something you ARE rather than weakly trying to distance yourself from 'creepy' idiots who post with their shirts off.

    Have a good photo/photos. One formal with relatively nice clothes but maybe not a full suit and tie. One relaxed, happy and casual and one with you doing something interesting that perhaps is full body (i.e. on holiday or out having fun) unless your fat.

  6. #6
    Bballking is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    Try a quote for headline. Something funny but true if at all possible. I wanted to use this one but it was too long... "Everyone has a photographic memory, most just don't have film." Something along those lines. It's interesting and unique. It's definitely not going to win her over, but it'll get her looking at your profile, ultimately that's what you want.

    Take whitedragon's advice, he hit the head on the nail pretty good. These can be tough to make well. You have to think OUTSIDE the box.

  7. #7
    CriticalRap is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    Hey guys thanks for all the feed back. I've completely re-wrote my profile and it's much better now, I think I was trying to hard not to come off as arrogant to begin with but that went out the window in this one, so check it out if you want

    "I'm a music addict, but who isn't? Be warned, there's a high probability that I'll sing along but you'll get bonus point's if you join in I'm open minded and have been ever since I cracked my head on the pavement last year! I'm willing to try pretty much anything once, well except maybe preforming open heart surgery, I don't think that would go too well. I go to the gym three times a week sometimes more so yes I do even lift bro.
    I'm an honest person, sometimes a little too honest but oh well some people just can't handle the truth! I'm going to be studying business in september and will be an entrepreneur in the future, I'm gonna make billions or at least a few hundred mill It's not even really about the money, I'm not bothered if I own a hyper-car or a transit van I'm determined to try and make the world a better place, even if it's only for a few people.

    Drop me line if you want to share a few laughs"

    I know it could use more work but it's all I've got time for atm, thanks again for your help

  8. #8
    whitedragon is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    Maybe try avoid being ambiguous 'i'm a music addict, but who isnt?' and you could also state what you are looking for in a woman. What is it that you want.

    Don't try too hard in a profile, be natural and confident.

    Are you trying to pick up a girl or a bro?

  9. #9
    archard's Avatar
    archard is offline Aspiring PUA
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by whitedragon View Post
    Are you trying to pick up a girl or a bro?
    What whitedragon says here is VERY important. Too many guys try to talk to women the way they would with other guys.

    Examples would be the 'I do even lift bro' part and where you talk about making a bunch of money. To me, that's how'd I'd talk with other dudes, like you might also brag about how good you're golf game is or something. I know you're being funny with that, and humor in your profile can be fantastic, but you've got to appeal to women, not your buddies.

    You've got something with the part about wanting to make the world a better place though. I might say something like: "I'm passionate about the state of our future so I'm bucking the trend of the traditional 9-5. Instead, you can find me devouring all the knowledge I can get my hands on so I can apply it to my vision for a better world."

    For the working out part I might say: "Nothing gets me going quite like a great workout. I love the rush I get from powering through those last few reps and conquering a personal best. It makes me feel alive."

    Now, these aren't perfect examples, but do you see the difference in the language I'm using vs. what you used? I've got certain words that have either a sensual, feminine or masculine quality (passion, devour, vision, gets me going, power, conquer).

    Writing a good profile can be hard man, it took me a long time to get to the one I'm using now. Once you do have a great one though, you'll be surprised just how well women respond to it. It's totally worth the effort.

  10. #10
    CriticalRap is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Looking for some profile feedback

    Again thanks for the reply guys!

    Made me laugh but yeah I'm trying for chicks!

    I see your point Archard and I agree writing a profile is a lot harder than you first think, even with this one I've had a lot more interest than I did before.
    I'll take your advice and keep on refining it till it's properly polished


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