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  • 2 Post By T-Mal
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Thread: Fark and I'm over it

  1. #1
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Fark and I'm over it

    So here is my issue. I lost the girl I loved like a year ago and it was a rough breakup. I got over it. Worked on myself and my game. Now here we are a year later and I'm cool. Still miss her but I've gone out and dated / hooked up with a good amount of hot women. I started seeing this one. Hot as hell. Confident. Great body. Sweet. Ect. Personality wise we have common ground. Here is my issue. We were really into each other. Lots of sexual Tension until we hooked up for the first time. Now I feel like I'm just not attracted to her anymore. I'm trying to, but I'm just not feeling it. My thing is, there isn't a reason why I shouldn't like her. Do u think I'm mentally not ready for another relationship? I must admit I am nervous about getting hurt as bad as my last legit relationship a year ago.

    Could it be that I'm just used to a years worth off hookups and NSA dating?

    Your thoughts in this.

  2. #2
    T-Mal's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fark and I'm over it

    Breakups suck! Always!

    And there's no definite amount of time for REALLY getting over that gut-wrenching feeling.
    It may take a few weeks, a couple months... or even longer. (Yes, maybe more than a year)

    Even after seeing other people, sometimes you're STILL not completely over that one girl. I know from experience.

    The thing is, when you allow yourself to become vulnerable & develop real feelings for someone, there's always a risk of being hurt. And the defense / protection mechanism of the human psyche, causes us to be hesitant about putting ourselves in that position again.

    So, it's totally normal to be a little freaked out about getting close & being in a "relationship" at this point.

    You DO want to work on getting past that though... because eventually you'll find someone who simply rocks! And you're gonna want to be ready for that.




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    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  3. #3
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Fark and I'm over it

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Breakups suck! Always!

    And there's no definite amount of time for REALLY getting over that gut-wrenching feeling.
    It may take a few weeks, a couple months... or even longer. (Yes, maybe more than a year)

    Even after seeing other people, sometimes you're STILL not completely over that one girl. I know from experience.

    The thing is, when you allow yourself to become vulnerable & develop real feelings for someone, there's always a risk of being hurt. And the defense / protection mechanism of the human psyche, causes us to be hesitant about putting ourselves in that position again.

    So, it's totally normal to be a little freaked out about getting close & being in a "relationship" at this point.

    You DO want to work on getting past that though... because eventually you'll find someone who simply rocks! And you're gonna want to be ready for that.




    .
    Yea that's definitely what I'm trying to do now. I'm just trying to figure out how to fall for this new girl again. I think I'm the classic case of thinking with the head below the belt and not the one on my shoulders. I'm gonna try to take her on another date. Without sex this time and see how it goes.

  4. #4
    HardRock is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Fark and I'm over it

    If you still think about the other may try one time.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Fark and I'm over it

    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
    ― Helen Keller

  6. #6
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    Default Re: Fark and I'm over it

    Quote Originally Posted by HardRock View Post
    If you still think about the other may try one time.
    The things you say sometimes, man.. I just don't know.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Fark and I'm over it

    I know exactly what you're going through. I've gone through it twice, first one took well over a year.. The second one I'm still dealing with, it's been about 5 months and I've seen plenty of other girls already. This one will take a while I think..

    Something I think I will try to keep in mind going into the next relationship, whenever that happens (hopefully not anytime in the near future..), will be to go into it with an intention rather than an expectation.

    Rather than depending on a relationship to fill some sort of void, it will be to extend my love and awesomeness onto someone else, and in doing so, bettering both our lives and who we are.. I think this Mindset makes for not only a healthier and less fearful relationship, but also an easier breakup. Also quite possibly less time spent getting over that person, based on the fact that it was a relationship built on love and trust, and not a fear of loss.

    As far as your specific situation, I would definitely say that the reason you feel you aren't into this girl is because you aren't fully over your ex. It's normal.. You need to give it more time. I get that exact feeling nowadays when I'm out with an awesome, very attractive girl.. I know that under different circumstances I would be totally into her, possibly for a relationship. But, I'm too busy subconsciously comparing her to my ex to allow myself to appreciate her on a deeper level.

    What you're feeling is normal. Keep seeing new people and bettering yourself. The only cure is more time. Eventually those feelings will pass and you will meet someone that will sweep you off your feet.. You won't even see it coming.


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