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  1. #1
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Post Went from lunch to come over?

    So I have an ex that I've wanted to get back with for a while now. She is currently moved into a place with her current dude. They have lived together for the last year. She cut me out early last year. No contact. Blocked on everything from phone to twitter.

    Worked on myself. Dated. had FWBs. Currently getting to know this new chick. BUT, a part of me still wants to get my ex back. Now I have posted this topic in the empty waste land known as "How to get your ex back" on this forum with no reply. I just want a few outside opinions on if she is dropping IOIs or if I'm thinking to deep into it. I feel like I am doing good "getting her back" going from no contact to now seems to be a big improvement. I feel like i'm in a place where I can't lose. Getting to know a new amazing girl and having an old one warm back up to me. Here are the things my Ex has done recently that has raised a couple questions in my mind

    1.) Told me she has been checking out my twitter ever since I went on vacation this summer. Even asked me if some tweets were about her. (I like to post deep meaningful quotes I find, but they weren't directed towards her). She still checks out my tweets till this day. Hit me up asking if I was ok when I tweeted family is in the hospital. The kicker? She doesn't even follow me. So she searches for me each time.

    2.) She told me that Me and her current dude are opposites. How he is really critical and how they argue. She also said their lease is up and she wasn't sure if she was going to move with him or move out into her own place because sometimes "she likes the space"

    3.) She has told me in one message that she is "Bored at home. Watching tv. Wearing PJs. No underwear." or something along those lines. But she seriously told me she wasn't wearing underwear. Yea. She went there.

    4.) Today is the biggest one to me, I invited her to lunch. She is sick and said she doesn't feel well or have the cash. I told her she could come over to my place (she never seen it) and hang out. She said "IDK if thats a good idea". So i played it off. She then goes "would you want to come here?". I almost crashed my damn car. Guys, this chick never ONCE since she met this new dude invited me over. In the past, we couldn't even do lunch because "She respects the feelings of her new BF". But now I'm invited over? We hung out, watched movies. Here is the kicker. She complimented my facial hair. We laughed about old times ect. Well her BF called her while we were hanging out and they were talking. when their convo ended I heard him say "I love you" my ex just sat there and didn't even say a word. He goes "Hello? Are you there" She like panics and "says yea sorry, loveyoutoobye" all fast. Then acts like nothing happened and puts the movie back on.


    So my thing is gentleman, I love this girl. Really do. I feel like someday we will get back together and if this AFC of a boyfriend she currently has was out of the picture I think that time would be now. But i'm not sure. Do these sound like IOIs. I want other opinions because when you care about someone you have rose colored glasses on while doing it. I still want to keep talking to this new girl. We aren't official and we just met so I don't have much invested with her at all. I just want to scope out all my options.

    If this was your ex, what would your thoughts be? If these are clear IOIs, do you have any good BF destroyer techniques. I mean, I feel like he is doing a good job on his own, but I wouldn't mind helping out.

  2. #2
    Sleath5's Avatar
    Sleath5 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    Don't run BF destroyer. You fuck it up, and she'll go back to him. There's a reason she's going towards you over him, just keep playing your frame. Dont change something thats not broken.

  3. #3
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sleath5 View Post
    Don't run BF destroyer. You fark it up, and she'll go back to him. There's a reason she's going towards you over him, just keep playing your frame. Dont change something thats not broken.
    Good point. I am seeing results with what I have been doing. I guess I feel like with their lease being up, I have to move faster to push her over the edge to not move in with him. I'll keep sailing this course. Thanks for the advice.

  4. #4
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    OK So she is becoming more ballsy. She started to favorite some of my tweets today. I think she knows I get notified when a tweet is favorited. Anyways she hits me up again and tells me she is off again today. She told me she has another movie reccomendation calle "Stuck In Love" basically another love story. But after reccomending this movie told me she added. "These movies don't have any sublimial hits fyi. Just talking about good movies."

    So now im a bit stuck. i feel like two steps forward three steps back. It was kind of a cold message. Advice on where to procede. After she sent me that, I told her I wasn't going to watch it. Then we basically ended the convo.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    Dude... that's kinda like when a girl says, "We're not gonna have sex tonight'... She's subliminally dropping her own hints when she says stuff like that.

    When she made that comment, you could've said something like "Oh whatever.. You're just trying to get in my pants. but no worries, I'll play along... these movies mean nothing! "

    Or "Whew! I'm glad you mentioned that, because you're waaaaay too big of a dork for me! hahaha! *smooch"

    Or "OK, I'm gonna hold you to that... FYI So don't EVEN think of getting all touchy-feely with me. Although, I'd probably let you get away with it for a minute, but you better show restraint after that! "

    You get the idea...


    You can't get all butt hurt when a girl makes a comment like that.


    Need one on one private coaching? PM me for details.

  6. #6
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    Totally agree with T-Mal.

    And just to add, she is 100% dropping bombs of IOIs. But be careful! Maintain your frame, if you start chasing her again, she will know she still has you and start being distant/etc. You are in a good position, keep it that way.

    This is what you do...start the playful joking/flirting as suggested above. Finally, add Kino and teasing. Remember how it was the first few weeks you dated? Yea be that guy. After this, if there is no action, I would recommend to freeze her temporarily, to keep her interested.
    Become "busy", unavaialable, "this girl from work is stalking you, and you finally agreed to grab drinks with her", you get the point.

    If you make yourself a challenge, she will recognize your value and you will have her in no time.

    Good luck man!

  7. #7
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    Quote Originally Posted by T-Mal View Post
    Dude... that's kinda like when a girl says, "We're not gonna have sex tonight'... She's subliminally dropping her own hints when she says stuff like that.

    When she made that comment, you could've said something like "Oh whatever.. You're just trying to get in my pants. but no worries, I'll play along... these movies mean nothing! "

    Or "Whew! I'm glad you mentioned that, because you're waaaaay too big of a dork for me! hahaha! *smooch"

    Or "OK, I'm gonna hold you to that... FYI So don't EVEN think of getting all touchy-feely with me. Although, I'd probably let you get away with it for a minute, but you better show restraint after that! "

    You get the idea...


    You can't get all butt hurt when a girl makes a comment like that.
    Yea I totally agree. Thanks man. Always appreciate your posts.

  8. #8
    JT2012 is offline PUA in Training
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuser View Post
    Totally agree with T-Mal.

    And just to add, she is 100% dropping bombs of IOIs. But be careful! Maintain your frame, if you start chasing her again, she will know she still has you and start being distant/etc. You are in a good position, keep it that way.

    This is what you do...start the playful joking/flirting as suggested above. Finally, add Kino and teasing. Remember how it was the first few weeks you dated? Yea be that guy. After this, if there is no action, I would recommend to freeze her temporarily, to keep her interested.
    Become "busy", unavaialable, "this girl from work is stalking you, and you finally agreed to grab drinks with her", you get the point.

    If you make yourself a challenge, she will recognize your value and you will have her in no time.

    Good luck man!
    Sounds like solid good advice to me. That was one of the big sexual attractions we shared was knowing which buttons we could playfully push with each other. Would like to try doing that again but gotta tread carefully. I don't want her to catch on and run back to her chump. I think she does think about me sexually now. She has mentioned in one post that she was chilling at her house "in sweat pants without underwear". On another occasion she asked me if I have done anything wild or exciting in the past year. She got wind of a threesome I had one night and I swear dude, she asked me questions about it for hours. Finally when I left, she hit me up later that night with "I still can't believe you did that stuff". She even told me she looked on FB to try to find one of the people because I told her it was a friend that we both once knew. So i think she is digging me, I just want her to break it off with her shitty relationship already lol.

  9. #9
    Fuser is offline PUA Forums Respected Contributor
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    Default Re: Went from lunch to come over?

    You are good.
    Keep my advice, be less available. If you want her back, it has to be on your terms. So keep the playful, Kino, and flirt flirt flirt. It is expected now, but don't go into full relationship mode (ie constant texting, FB, lunches, etc.) She wants the fun adventurous you.

    Keep it that way, and work for the f-close. then things will unfold and she will decide to leave (or not) the other dude.


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